need to pick myself up but its just so hard

Hi Gwen and Sharon. My husband is the alcohol and I try to learn more about how he is by following these forums. Luckily, I am on meds that work very well for my depression, or I would not be able to deal with his binge drinking. He tells me he wants to quit, but his actions don't back him up. Everybody, including his doctors, have told him he has to quit, but despite having support and access to help, be never takes it. You are trying to help yourself and that's all you or anyone else can ask of you. If it was easy to ignore the craving for alcohol, all you would need is the desire to quit. Don't beat yourself when you are trying to get control. Rant when you need to; I honestly believe that's part of the healing process. Bless you.

Take care,

Phyllis

Hey Phyllis, Your right if it was all so easy anyone who drank would just stop. But thats thing it simply isnt. I know you were saying that your husband has been offered loads of help but doesnt seem to be able to take it, has he even given any of it a small try? There a lot of options some of which i havent even tried yet.

I have tried loads of things in the past and i suppose i can least say i have given them a shot, its just i havent quite found the right thing. I can honestly say that when your whole life falls apart because of it, that is quite a wake up call. There are not even words for it to be honest. 

Your right, i am trying but not there yet. I worry about myself physically too of im being honest.

Im glad at least your meds are helping you with your depression, i was on some for a while but the side effects are unreal. You obviously have passed that point so i am glad for you. Remember to think of yourself no matter what happens, you are just as important as him. You should not think of this in a selfish way, its just important to look after you so hopefully in the end you both come out ok as you will be able more in your own mind to support him. He doesnt mean it, so even though any help so far has not been taken or helped he is on his own journey as well. He will wreaked with pain, guilt and every other emotion i am sure you can think of. I am sure you have rowed about it, speaking from experience it doesnt work, you prob know this anyway. If he really wants to he can take a few small first steps. What has he got to lose at the end of the day, maybe even get him to visit this forum? At least its a small start. Keep in touch hun x

Thank you so much for your reply. Everything you said struck a chord, and it was all accurate. I keep trying, when he's sober, to get him to do something positive and constructive, about his alcoholism, but he never follows through. His health has already been adversely affected, but even that so far hasn't made enough of an impact on him to diminish the lure of alcohol. Thank you again for replying. Whatever you may sometimes think, you are a caring, loving person who deserves the best life has to offer. Keep in touch.

Take care,

Phyllis

Hey, Like i say he doesnt mean it. Has he even acknowleged that there is a problem? I dont know, because i may have missed a few of your threads. Small start anyway, you have for a long time dealing with this too which can not have been be easy. I know it wasnt for my partner or anyone else in the family. Horrible thing. It does effect everyone, so look after yourself like i say. My plan for tm is to be a bit more ''normal'', because i will never pick things up being the way i am. I know i went to AA meeting etc yesterday but after that i was so exhausted that i just needed rest and i my anxiety has been going nuts right now. Last night i had to breathe my way out of a panic attack. It is not good. 

Look at it this way, imagine if in 4-6 weeks the kind of messages you and i are sending right now are so different? At bit happier.... Even in a small way. I hope so babe x

Thanks again for being there for me to talk. It means a lot to me and it helps. He does. acknowledge he is an alcoholic, but tends to use it as an excuse for his behaviour, instead of asking for help. He's great when he's sober, but anytime he has the opportunity he binge drinks. Thanks again, you're a real Sweety. 

Hey, its helping me talk to you too, dont forget that. He may see that there is prob but just doesnt know what is right for him. Its hard beacuse in his head he prob feels like there is such a long way to fo.

To be fair an aufal lot has to just come from him in a person too.

 My partner says exactly the same thing about me too. In honesty i know in me that i am the better person when sober and not trying to cover up my drink. Does he drink everyday or is more of a binge thing? 

It's a binge thing, but if he had access to money he would drink all the time. He has never really tried to get help. He went to rehab once about 20 years ago, before we were together, but his mother told me he started drinking again almost as soon as he was home again. He tried AA, but said it didn't work for him. His brother, who went with him for support, said he could smell alcohol on someone there and then realized it was Chris. 

Well i suppose that was a long time ago...there is something now im sure that might just give him that little extra help that he needs. But it really comes down to whether he wants it to happen himself to be fair. It is hard, he has obviously been drinking for a long time so in his head he is prob freaking out that if he changes he wont be able to do it anymore. Apart from all the other emotions and issues.  Im not sure if i asked you before, would he not even just come on the forum for a look? 

He did show some interest and even said he would check it out, but he has never followed through. He doesn't really have an excuse and that's what leads me to believe, that despite what he says, he really isn't serious about quitting. Everyone is here for him except him, but not of us can do anything if he won't seek help. 

There will be a point when he is ready i would imagine...as you say right now he isnt serious about doing it.Its alright saying that you want to change, but a totally different thing actually doing it. It has to come from himself at the end of the day. I know it must be hard for you though. He is lucky to have you in his life. 

Understand this phyllis, glad  you have your depression under control

Your hubs is having a struggle - it is so very hard to kick this darn affliction  but I do commend partners who support; unfortunately mine does not - he just does not understand it at all - because he can happily have a heavy night out with mates or one pint at home before dinner or none at all, he thinks I can do the same - well I find it hard work, but will not give in - I refuse.

You are a great support - bless you.

G.x

You support me too. It helps me to hear from you even if I can't get him to follow through on all his promises. So thank you for being there for me.

How are you both?

Still not in a good place to be honest but i am trying. The rawness of the family breaking up seems to have subsided but it is still very hard. I have a million things that i need to do today but i just dont have it in me. Sorry if i always seem down, i am trying but just find it so hard on my own at times.

Your right about the support, I am not genuinely sure if i would even be here if it wasnt for this forum.

Gwen i know what it is like with a partner who just doesnt understand...but it is hard for them too. The whole thing effects everyone. Its hard but you sound as always like your determined.

Phyllis honestly just keep going, he will get there in the end. At least to a point where he knows it is a real problem. Its very hard though, i know that especially because he maybe seems so far away from that point. But at some time he will get there. Have you ever thought of having some time out for yourself? Maybe this would let him know that things really have to change.

Very tired today and lonely, partners phone broke so he and i have not spoke today and i miss his voice. Lost my debit card last night too which means i have next to no money...all good things eh! But it can not get much worse so i just have to move on for now.

Oh mate, I so feel for you. Tired and lonely, that does not help at all - bloody hell, it is hard enough.  Debit card, where have you lost it - no money - this is no use to you.  Have you reported it gone?

You cannot drown now - we will not let you x

Hi Sharon, Most Banks will give you a temporary number that you can use at a cashpoint without your card, just to tide you over untill you get a replacement. X

Thats ok, it was sorted a while ago. I have lost count of how many i have lost. lol How are you?