Nervous about sex...

Posted , 7 users are following.

It’s been 25 daus since my diagnosis, I have healed- up all the lesions/ ulcers worh Emuaid, the pain and itching are gone, and all is calm. My husband just arrived at our summer house to join me for the last 10 days of vacation and I am terrified to tey and have sex! I bought V- magic which supposed to be a good lube, it is beeswax/ honey based so it doesn't smell funky, but I am scared to try! I’m probably over- thinking it, but Things are finally “ normal down there” and I don’t want to “upset the apple cart! “. I can feel some atrophy on my right labia, there is a “ knot” of hard tissue at opening to vagina ( fusing?- have not seen Dr yet- July 24), and another area of hard tissue on perenium near anus and one up by clit.  I am afraid of tearing and being miserable last week of my vacation. My husband is very large and if that is fusing, it could easily tear? Any thoughts would help! Thx! 

0 likes, 17 replies

17 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Karen,

    Sex is can be difficult even if you are not having a flare up. I know that my ex and I barely could have sex because of how bad my case was. My biggest piece of advice is to go slow, if its starting to feel uncomfortable change it up. Also not to be super graphic but a position that worked the best for us was reverse cowgirl, even if there's no penetration it felt good for both of us, and lube use a ton. And clean up after. I found that if I cleaned myself up after I didn't have any issues. I hope it helps!!

    • Posted

      Jess- 1 more question, personal and you don’t hv to answer, but you mentioned your “ex”, it wasn’t your LS that drove you two apart was it? My husband is my only partner, been together since I was 16, dated 6 years, and married for last 25 years. I don’t want my sex life with my soulmate to be over🙁

    • Posted

      I had a very complicated breakup with my ex husband. Unfortunately, yes my ls was a part of it. He decided to have sex with someone else instead of what we could do. I cannot speak for everyone on here. But I know some have had very long wonderful relationships. My ex was still very immature and honestly other factors played into it. If you have a good relationship with your husband I'm sure it everything will work out. It's just a learning process. And my ex just didn't want to learn.

  • Posted

    Hi Karen, my husband is huge too, he is 6' 4" and so you get the idea. 

    Here is a tip for you.  Before sex run into the bathroom and quickly apply a good lube all the way up the dilator, do the deed and then when you have sex it seems to slide in more easily because everything inside is lubed up.  I also found that being on top was easier, as honestly every single  time even before we had sex he would catch that awful band of skin at the entrance to my Vjay which was  agony!! just pure agony!! and so we would stop before we even started.  If you are on top you can guide him in lol!

    One other thing which you probably don't want to hear but fast and furious lovemaking is really a thing of the past for many of us with LS.  You have to do it differently, slower.

    If you feel like at any point it is hurting then you should stop.. I don't have sex anymore, and I'm kinda okay with it, it is not perfect but I can't accommodate him anymore.  This is why anyone reading this should use their dilators regularly. 

    • Posted

      Thanks Guppy. The last two times we had sex, before my diagnosis, the penetration part did nit hurt at all, just my clit. Then I had the flare- up, which led to two morhs of Dr appt to get the LS diagnosis, and we hv not had sex since then- I have been away for last three weeks trying to heal , calm, etc. It’s probably  all in my head. Will try tonight and take it slow, with lots of v- magic! I Want to say “ wish me luck”, but that’s a bit weird!🙄🙄

    • Posted

      Well I finally got up the courage to “ get back in the saddle”. I first had my hubby wash all his parts and his hands with Cetaphil and I did the same. After the kissing, etc. We used lots of v- magic to lube one another up ( he liked that). He brought me to orgasm using his lubed- up hand on my clit and it was fine. After that I had him try 1 finger, then two inside and all was still fine. More lube and penetration was fine. The friction irritated that one spot at my “introitis”- opening to vag so I used more lube there. We were able to have penetrative sex and it felt good and he orgasmed as well. I had asked him not to cum inside me to reduce possible itritation, but it felt too good and so.... We immediately went to bathroom afterward to again bathe with Cetaphil and I applied some Emuaid liberally to all parts, clean cotton panties and went to bed. This AM that one spot on introitus is a bit sore, probably tore a little, but keeping cream on it to soothe and no regrets so far. 

      I told him it was going to be a process, but he said he was onboard with whatever we could do. 

      Expecting my dreaded period in the next couple days and that is always irritating as hell, but we’ll see. 

      Thanks for the encouragement all! 

    • Posted

      Karen, Glad it went well., must be a relief. 

      I haven't had sex in years, I just know looking at hubby and the size of him it's not going to be possible..I sometimes wonder how it ever was lol!!


    • Posted

      I told him it’s not going to be an everyday thing, but we'll take it 1x at a time.  I’m concerned about hard part ( scar tissue?) at introitus. Maybe after I see Dr. They will hv recommendation. 

    • Posted

      Yes olive oil after Evey pee morning and night is Lovley and makes you supple again. Just a bit.
  • Posted

    Consider condom for theirubrication and to prevent contamination of any areas that might tear. Tell him about your concerns and asked for his cooperation - to go slow.

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