New life!

I have tried drinking diaries and moderation and wasn't successful with it personally. I tended to forget adding things when I was p*ssed. I am probably averaging 3-4 Stella pints on a good day and 9-10 on a big night out. Often black out and can't remember getting home. Keep falling over and losing stuff. Not good. Very unsafe. I know I have a problem huge problem but I keep telling myself I'm not an alcoholic and will manage to moderate it one day! Illusion and denial me thinks. You don't nexessarily have to drink in the morning or every day to be alcoholic. It's when it is that you "need" a drink and not "want" one. If that makes sense. I find it very hard to manage my feelings and life sober so I drink. If I have diversions like going to work that helps but otherwise outside of the work life in drinking.

too many problems and too much wine. Tricky but at least your husband supports you. It is probably too much wine over the week on a whole and it seems tot me that it is best if you try to cut down. Tell your new husband that you are really concerned and need some help from him and support when you drink less and get cravings. Let us know how you get on.  

Hi Rachael, I too can do without drink for a few days at a time but my problem is I can't stop with just one and like you in my youth was seen to be the party girl drinking most people under the table, even my family refer to me as "just one more". If I have a glad of wine I knock it back so quickly and want another and another until 2 bottles will be downed in no time at all. I have recently realised how much I am now drinking when I start, so plucked up the courage to see my Gp for help. I don't feel I should advise you but there are others on this site that are qualified to do so but I will support you if I can. X

Rachel. First of all, alcohol dependence is a medical condition which you appear to have inherited from your mother. Your sister is likely to have inherited it too but it doesn't affect her as she chooses not to drink, so hasn't got into difficulty with alcohol.

Drinking diaries are suggested a lot by alcohol counsellors. The problem is that people with a problem tend to do well for a few days but then the drinking creeps back up and that is when they are too embarrassed to tell the truth in a drinking diary that their counsellor is going to see.

After years of traditional treatment for alcohol dependence, in which people are told to simply abstain and fight against the cravings, more recent research shows that abstaining actually increases cravings and people who attempt to abstain struggle for the rest of their life. Yes, some people can do it and their life will be better than if they are constantly drunk, but it is extremely difficult.

Some people have no choice, they have to stop drinking because their body is at serious risk of severe organ damage, particularly their liver. However, there is a more modern treatment available called The Sinclair Method which uses Nalmefene (Selincro) - which has been discussed widely on this forum but NOT with The Sinclair Method in mind. I have deliberately avoided talking about The Sinclair Method, here, while I have studied the research and checked out the facts but, having done so, I am now convinced that it is the way forward.

I visit this site daily and I see people talking about their guilt, how they have behaved badly, how their family have suffered as a result of what they have done. I want to say now to everybody who reads this 'it is NOT your fault that you have this problem. Yes, it is your responsibility to find a solution, but the fact that you got into trouble with alcohol was not your fault. It is a medical condition. While the majority of people can drink and sometimes drink heavily and not get into serious trouble with alcohol, you can't. You have a physiological difference to those people and, due to that, you gain more reward from drinking.'

Search for information on The Sinclair Method, including the documentary 'One Little Pill' which you can rent or buy on Vimeo. There is also a book about The Sinclair Method by Roy Eskapa called 'The Cure for Alcoholism' which is a really good book and makes a lot of sense. My only problem with it is the title, because I don't believe that a condition is 'cured' if you need to keep taking a pill, but the rest is very very interesting and challenges the whole concept of the rather ineffective treatment that has been offered for many years.

You sounded so hopeful in your last post Rachel.  Paul is amazing, isn't he?  This site is so lucky to have him.  I am going to follow his advice too, and I hope it can help me with my nightly dependence on alcohol, as well as my inability to say no when I have had enough in social situations. 

Good luck my friend, you sound to be a lovely person and deserve the best.

Pat.

Hi Rachel...I too have always been known as the life and soul at a party. I love a drink. The problem is over the years..I feel i have become dependant on wine. I see wine as a reward at the end of a busy day, if its a friday or saturday then wine is always on the menu. Ive noticed over the past 3...4 years that if something goes wrong or i feel stressed that i 'need' wine. I could give you so many examples of where I have had too much and regretted my actions the next day. Anyway...last year I went to see a hypnotherapist as not suprisingly i suffer with my weight. I am 5ft 6 and at my heaviest weigh 13stone. Guess what I love food also! I have decided I am just plain greedy and love all things unhealthy! Emotional eater? Well I eat and drink when happy...sad....balanced...any emotion, it doesnt matter! The hypno lady said my biggest issue was wine and said i needed to cut it out completely. I hated the thought but I did it! I began drinking sparkling water out of a wine glass! It was hard but I did it. I didnt drink for around 3 months and I felt so much better for it. I then allowed myself to have ONE bottle of wine of a weekend. It was fab. I then suffered a huge amount of stress and slipped back, not badly but I still slipped back. One thing that helped me was around christmas time i would never drink during the week in Nov...Dec as the police in our area are always randomly pulling drivers over on the school run/work commute. However its now Feb and still stressed etc i am drinking again on the odd week night. I am sat here craving wine. To avoid drinking in the week I know it sounds bad but i will say to one of my children...shes 11...dont let mummy buy any wine this week...its not good...it makes me stay up late and feel tired and want to eat junk the next day. Shes fab cos then when im having a weak moment in the shop she will say no mummy etc and i am guilted into not buying any! Or if im craving I try to distract myself, ie walk the dog, housework, phone someone. I find if im sat watching tv i want wine so i will try to do something else. 

So i guess what im trying to say is 'I' have got to a time again where ive slipped a little and i cannot be trusted to have wine in the house so it has to be all or nothing. So I am working up to going without completely again for a while....then in time maybe have a bottle a weekend again and hopefully learn from before and not fall completely at the first sign of stress. I know its all easier said than done but this is my little plan for the time being! Sorry my writing has jumped from one thing to another...hope you see what im saying!! We need to learn how to enjoy a normal amount of wine at normal times(not each day)...its like learning how to use a credit card properly!!! thats another story!! xxxx

Hi

Yes, with regards doing a drink diary, it is worth it. It can help set targets, say for example next week try and drink less and feel better when you have 'zero' days with no drink.

My method was a small diary and i would list the type if drink each day and total units, i would then do a total per week at the end and circle this so that i could see at a glance any trends and when i looked in the diary.   It helps with the 'zero' so that you can also count how many days you have gone without.

my pattern used to be at least 4 days without and then needing it, then 3 days binge so the totals averaged 80 - 90 units per week, when  i started to seriously need help was when it go tot 120 per week, how does this compare with everyone else? i did go for some weeks totally zero as well, of course i know the totals per week should be considerably less; but its not easy