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New - looking for help & advice - drinking too much - anxious

Posted , 8 users are following.

sadie_dee70150
sadie_dee70150

Hi all,

I am looking for some advice. First I'll give a background to my story. I started drinking heavily about 12 years ago. I was in my early 20s & it began at the beginning of a new relationship. I would drink before I met up with my boyfriend I suppose to give me confidence. He didn't know & I loved the chilled out feeling it gave me & I felt good. I continued to do this every weekend when we would meet up & it became a habit even when we moved in together I was secretly drinking. I had never done this with previous boyfriends & I think it was because this guy had a few problems of his own & they became worse when we lived together. He didn't like my friends & was dificult about a lot of things. He looked at life in a different way then me & many others as my family & friends weren't very fond of him. We stayed together for 6 & a half years & I drank secretly the whole time mainly at the weekend & it had become to numb reality of the horrible situation my relationship became. He had become more difficult, angry & sexually demanding. I felt trapped & drink was my escape. I ended eventually & I thought the drinking would then stop & I was free of it all.

As soon as I was in a new relationship which I was happy in I repeated the habit. When my boyfriend would come over I would drink beforehand I just liked the feeling it gave me & I wasn't as nervous meeting up. It was part of the excitement of meeting up I'd go get my vodka drink it while getting ready & he never knew just like my previous partner I was good at hiding it I guess. After a while this relationship went sour. My boyfriend had major jealousy issues which surfaced after 8 months together & a year in we broke up. After this I went out a lot & drank heavily leading to blackouts my friends were concerned & we put it down to the last relationships I had.

Then I met the love of my life! Yet I did the same thing the only difference is he discovered my secret. He suspected something was up from mr behaviour a while after we moved in together & I seemed intixicated he looked for the evidence & found bottles hidden in my wardrobe. He confronted me & I could see the pain & worry on his face. I told him I had done it in my previous relationship & I would sort myself out. I lied & said I went to the doctor & she told me I was using it to self medicate. We were trying for a baby so once pregnant drinking completely stopped. After I had my son the habit began again my husband discovered it one more time & I said I'd slipped up & convinced him it was a once off. I'm still doing it though. My son is nearly 4 now. It's mainly just on a Sayirday & Sunday night when my son has gone to bed & an odd time during the week. I drink with my husband on a Saturday a few drinks but I have a secret stash I'm sipping for too & once I start I just want to keep going. I know I have to stop this I'm just lost as to how to. I'm a good person people would be shocked to discover this about me. I'm friendly kinda quiet, nice person but I'm consumed with guilt about this especially towards my husband & son. I wait for Saturday to come all week to have my treat of alcohol. My friends are all into drinking a lot when we go out too so it's always there. Am I an alcoholic or drink dependant . Do I have to quit completely ? Please help !!

Thank you

Sadie Dee

2 likes, 58 replies

58 Replies

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  • sadie_dee70150
    sadie_dee70150

    Posted

    So guys do you think me tryin to taper down & just allowing myself 1 night a week to drink is a good idea? It's more realistic to me than just quitting as I think that will make me crave it.

    The one thing I'm afraid about is telling y doctor & it being on my record & when I go to visit for another reason it's there.

    Xxx

    • gwen45436
      gwen45436 sadie_dee70150

      Posted

      At this stage, dont think you need to tell your doc, yes, me personally, it has worked, taper taper taper, the more I  tapered, the less I wanted coz one little glass did the trick in the end.
  • sadie_dee70150
    sadie_dee70150

    Posted

    Hi guys!

    So I decided to come back to this discussion as not much has changed in my situation. I didn't go to my doctor in the end. My appointment had been postponed due to my doctor being I'll & well I never followed up on it. I've still been drinking heavily each weekend & sometimes on a Monday evening as I don't work Monday's so it still feels like the weekend - that's my stupid excuse anyway. I drink with my husband one of the nights & the rest us still in secret. I'm fooling myself into thinking that this is ok on some level. I wish I could be content with just the Saturday but once I drink Saturday I look forward to it again the next night. The thing is once I stop on Tuesday the rest of the week is fine.

    I thought it best to come back & chat here rather than keeping it to myself .

    Hope you are all good

    Sadie xxx

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