New sexual partner - advice needed

Posted , 6 users are following.

Dear all,

First, I will apologize if this post is too personal and graphic but I didn't know where to turn to with my worries. After 20 years without sexual intercourse (to a great extent due to my LS), I have started a journey to regain my sex life. In the beginning of the year, my vaginal opening was widened surgically which was quite successful. Since then I have worked with dilators but I am still rather tight down there and the scar tissue is not elastic. I am in the process of separating from my long-time partner since our love life has been dead since ages and I have also started dating. A couple of months ago I managed to have intercourse for the first time in 20 years, which felt fantastic even though it caused me some tearing. It was a relief that it worked out. Next time with the same partner went smooth, no tearing and I was in heaven. Sadly, this relationship didn't work out for other reasons but I am now dating a great man who seems to really like me as a person. We have had one hot, intense night which unfortunately caused me pain and splits and I am still hurting two days afterwards. It was worth it anyway, but I know that I cannot go on like this every time, especially if we will see each other often. This guy is experienced and (unfortunate for my LS) quite large compared to my previous partner this autumn. He seems natural and easy to talk to and I believe that he is open to other ways of sex than penetration. At least, we also had oral sex during this night. But I feel so awkward. I am afraid that he will comment on my architectural changes (he did notice that I am tight down there) since he seems well aware of what the female parts look like and how they work. How do I bring this topic up without destroying everything? I am scared that he will turn away and feel disgusted or that he will be too afraid of hurting me which will take the joy away. I am a quite sensual, open-minded person and I enjoy sex . Luckily my clitoral area is quite unaffected but this horrible disease keeps stressing me out. I would very much appreciate all advice how to manage this situation? How do I bring this up? It will feel horrible to be rejected because of LS.

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  • Posted

    Anyone that judges or is disgusted by LS is not worth it, its a part of you and has clearly made you a strong person. i hope he takes it well or you find someone who will help you through it

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    • Posted

      Thanks a lot Mai ❤️,

      I will keep that in mind. Until now, I didn't have the guts to speak out but I will. It's so difficult but I enjoy sex with this guy who is a considerate person. Hopefully, it might work out quite well if we are careful. At the moment, I am however suffering from itching which is unusual for me and worrisome. Guess, It's some kibd of reactkon to the intercourse. I am treating it with Dermovate ointment. Can't tell you how much I hate my body...

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    • Posted

      Ullis, I am no positive thinking guru or a Pollyanna, but hating your body will not help you in any way. I always try to remind myself no matter how bad things seem there are people dealing with worse....because it's true! At least be thankful the rest of your body functions and you are apparently attractive enough that you are finding new potential partners!

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    • Posted

      Dear Beverly,

      You are so right. Thank you very much for reminding me of all the positive things in my life. ❤️ Sometimes, I just fall into this black whole of negative thinking. It's a very emotional period for me at the moment trying to regain my sexual life, which also makes it necessary to confront LS again.

      The years before, I tried not to think about it more than necessary. I am so glad I found this board and for the support from you sisters and brothers who know what this is all about!

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    • Posted

      Ullis, my prediction is you will eventually look back on this and wonder why you were so stressed. I mean isn't that pretty much true of everything? And you will be sharing your story and giving much needed advice to younger posters who are feeling despondent because they see no sexual future for themselves because of LS.

      Just be sure in the here and now you don't put too much pressure on your new relationship. Maybe after 20 years you need to take your time and see how things play out in general, not just sexually (though I fully understand the hurdle). You may end up shopping around for a good fit....or you may have found a keeper! Time will tell. Best of luck.

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  • Posted

    Here is some update. Since I see this guy quite seldom, I still didn't tell him about my problems down there. I just said when it was too frequent penetration (this guy can go on forever and likes to start all over again after some hours brake) that I was a bit sore which he seemed to find completely natural. During intercourse, it hurts a bit at first but then I don't feel much pain, just lust. He is encouraging and gives me lots of compliments for my body. At this stage I am so happy and feel like a whole woman again. On the negative side, there is definitely tearing especially below the vagina which takes days and sometimes even 1-2 weeks to heal. A couple of days ago I visited my specialist nurse at the dermatological clinic and thought that she would be upset that I am causing trauma down there and that it might have a negative impact on the disease. But she was so understanding and actually thought I did the right thing! She said that if it makes me feel happy, it is the right thing to do and that I shouldn't let LS restrict my life more than necessary. Well, it is tricky. I hope to some extent that my body will get used to it and that intercourse might dilate the vaginal opening. But I am not sure. Since a couple of days, I am also trying pregabalin (Lyrica) for pain caused by LS in the urethra and other bladder problems. It seems effective but I feel so strange and disconnected mentally that I am unsure if I will go on. This medicine also might have a negative impact on the sexual drive and the ability to have an orgasm, which is bad timing for me. Does anyone here have any experience from pregabalin?

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