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Inside my head: it's dark and lonely, it's painful and cold. Echoing pain grinding away, at the point of breaking and giving up. No relief just a hurricane spiral. Put a smile on, rub your eyes, today is a new day, look in the mirror, oh who is that?? I don't recognise you!! Dark circles, blood shot eyes, pale skin, you look like something out of a horror movie . Ok. So wash your face, OH then it hits, the pain as you raise your arms, shoulders, neck, elbows, wrists and fingers, burning, stabbing and bruising, the pain in your face as you see the person you once we're is no longer there. Ok so I get dresses and start the day, OH NO I could scream, trying to put on my socks, my back, hips, knees, shoulders, neck and arms....well you know how it goes!!! Iv ben awake 20 minutes and feel as though iv been doing an intense work out .. A mild way to put it.
So go down stairs.. trying everywhere possible to avoid the pain- but it won't ease up, one step at a time, did some one beat my legs with an iron bar? Burning, bruising,sharp stabbing with every single step. Now that that's over- time for a cuppa, milk and two just what I need when I get up. One sip- OH EOW I could scream again, the pain! Like every nerve exposed in my mouth, pushing on my cheeks against gums trying to ease the pain, then I feel my cheeks start bruising, shooting pains into my head, please someone take a hammer to my teeth I'm begging you!!
This is the 1st 30 minutes of everyday. Could a non sufferer cope with this?? So forgive me if I shed a few tears, I try so hard to keep it in, to not let the children know how I'm suffering, but today I can't , today is just too much. This is not a flare up, merely just the basics, and today I'm not coping so good. Tomorrow will be better?! But for right now Iv had enough.....
Gentle hugs xx
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