No place like home!..

I am the same Maisie. I turn down coffee or lunch invitations all the time. If I go anywhere I like knowing I can leave if I have to. I had anxiety years ago and I found meditating and using lavender oil helped before I had to do anything stressful. I am trying it again as it does lower overall stress levels and the breathing is helpful when you are in a stressful situation. I have downloaded some apps onto my mobile and I am trying to practice everyday.

Dear maisie

Im not sure what to take really, I'm not taking anything at the moment but apart from magnesium because my muscles were hurting and i thought that i read somewhere low magnesium can cause anxiety but i still feel anxious although the magnesium seems to have stopped the muscle pain! X

Hi Jamie you sound like me rush everything to get home and nothing happens to you when you get home and think what's that all about I have an important appointment soon I just think how I'm going to cope but I know deep down it's just the brain doing it to me everyday is different for me,I have no periods nearing menopause I guess been on HRT for 3 weeks and stop fairing this and that but it help with hot flashes and sleep,anyone we will emerge from this nightmare one morning .

I am so glad that there seem to be alot of ladies feeling like this - no I dont mean because it a 'good thing' at all, but because we are all experiencing it. I feel very inadequate sometimes because for me its an occassion if I go out and walk around town, have a coffee, get a bit of shopping and come home.  My son thinks I'm weird because I  dont seem to 'have any friends', or ever go out socialising, and I stopped working a few years ago because of crippling panic attacks. My sister thinks I'm really lucky that I 'dont have to work', but its not really my choice, and my family are quite a bit worse off for it. 

Yes it sucks, but I keep thinking - it'll get better, I'll get better and be able to actually attend clubs I've nominally joined and contribute and get a part time job or just do voluntary work. I was offered some about six months ago, and was really pleased, then when it came to actually doing it, I just didnt have the confidence.

And this is from someone who lived and workd on the other side of the world, and travelled the world, sometimes alone. At least I've done that even if I cant do so again - but we all hope things will get better, and believing gets you half way there!

Dear ursula

Yes I know what you mean it is nice to know we are not alone in this! I have never been a very well travelled person, i have been to places but i suppose i have always been abit of a nervous person, loosing my mum and sister some years ago probably didnt help! It goes to show how menopause can affect people like yourself who had been quite outgoing! etc in your life xx

That's the reason I stopped working. The panic attacks were just too much. When I did work, I would leave early, and some days the anxiety was so bad that I would get as far as the parking lot and couldn't bring myself to go in so I would turn around and go back home. Its hitting me hard now though that I really do need the money but I'm just not ready yet. I too have avoided going out to my social club events, outings with my friends and even phone calls because i feel I can't share how I feel since no one else is going through this. I'll be 39 in three weeks. Everyone keeps asking what I want to do for my birthday... All I want to do is feel good for the day.

I really know what you are going through. I'm 54 but I started having quite bad hormonal related anxiety and depression issues in my late thirties which really impacted me badly and led to me eventually having to give up my job.  I just thought I was some sort of failure - although I did have some quite severe endocrinal/hormonal inbalances. But I basically blamed myself. I never thought that perimenopausal symptoms could be responsible - I thought I was too young so it didnt even occur to me. 

I did hate what was happening to me and didnt understand it, and didnt really until very recently when I realized alot of ladies who post on here are quite a bit younger than me. 

Also having young children to look after as well as trying to succeed in a stressful job is something that I thought I should be able to cope with but in reality couldnt. I had kids in my mid thirties and sometimes think that was too late for me. 

Have you had any blood tests for hormone levels etc? These kind of inbalances can be really overwhelming.

your reply really struck a chord.  It is such a shame that this happens to us.  I feel exactly the same way, that I am unable to work like I used to and like you, so independent and loved working full time.  But confidence is zapped and hoping can get back to some kind of normality soon and not so inadequate.  

I've had all sorts of blood work, scans, xrays, overnight hospital stays, my hormones, and thryroid checked and all came back normal. The only thing was borderline hypertension, and anemia. I started journaling everything that was happening and noticed that it was going on while I was ovulating, or a week before and after my periods which have changed. They have gotten lighter and less days but really painful. Docs have told me several times that it was anxiety that is common in women my age and to see a therapist. I've been prescribed several AD's but don't want to take them and I haven't. The panic attacks have gotten much better but I still get pretty anxiousanxious, nervous, and the feelings of doom and I just try to tell myself that I am ok and nothing is wrong with me. I'm slowly venturing out by myself and doing more but still a little anxious while I'm doing it.

Hi,

I did have really heavy painful periods and did look forward to them stopping, but then other things happen which are not nice, and sometimes I actually feel like I wish I was still having them - mad I know!  The fall in oestrogen does cause some unpleasant effects to the body, and its like your'e in a constant battle to still feel like a proper woman.  I tried HRT, but they gave me terrible acne - so I stopped. Maybe it would work better now, as I'm probably more menopausal than I was, but I'm still pretty dubious about it.

Yes I definitely got bad PMT - when it struck the whole family knew about it, and my poor husband used to dread it.

I have been on AD's and seen therapists. I know its not ideal but I do currently take AD's and they do help to prevent me from feeling very down and negative, and that in itself is a relief. 

Yes it is a shame, and I really admire women who still fight their way through it and keep working. My sister says I'm really lucky not to have to work, but it really wasnt a choice, I had a bit of a breakdown, time off sick, and I dont think my company were particularly sorry I went.

I do still plan to get at least a part time job when I feel ready, or voluntary work.  Would be nice to be able to feel useful again. I think there is hope. I've seen a couple of programmes recently that were very positive about the effects of getting older, and that older employees seem to be generally more reliable!  So there is hope.

At some point I have been thinking about taking them when I have a really bad panic attack. I've just been seeing how far I can get without taking anything. I still have a million other crazy symptoms that come and go but I just deal with it. The docs insists that I'm ok but I know it's hormonal so I try to take care of myself best I can.

Oh poor you too steph awful isnt it xxx