Posted , 10 users are following.
Hi there, just thought I'd share my story so far and perhaps you may feel similar or relate to it in some way.
I'm currently in hospital for severe depression and anxiety. This is my second week as an in patient and I will probably be here for at least another two weeks. Before I was admitted I was on the brink. I was constantly thinking about killing myself and was actually self harming. I am in my own nightmare at the moment with no way out! I can see no way out and I feel totally detached from life and my loved ones and friends. I have been overwhelmed by the support and love I received whilst going through this but I still cannot see an end to the pain. I might even call it a living death. I feel low at the best of times and nothing most of the time. I feel as though I cannot laugh or cry, totally numb and emotionless which is in itself a kind of hell.
I have no motivation and see life as a pointless cruel joke. If I might borrow a line from Macbeth: "Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, That struts and frets his hour upon the stage, And then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing"
I want to get better but see, feel and taste my life as only a dark, twisted, bitter and futile one. I go to bed hoping not to wake up and I wake wishing I hadn't. I feel safe from myself in hospital and I hope wish to be my old self again but am lost in the black void. I am sorry to sound so pathetic but it's how I feel.
Perhaps one day I'll look back on these days and laugh... My heart goes out to anyone who feels they can relate to or has any experience of what I am going through now. Thank you for reading this sorry tale.
2 likes, 27 replies