Not a good day

I'm sorry to hear about this..  I would be worried too if it was my son.  But your husband is right, he is grown and they know he needs help.  He needs to start  with himself by getting the help.  I'm sure the girlfriend knows about meetings and therapy. You need to take care of yourself.  Start by getting into your hobbies-- gardening-?, getting out with friends?  or even a walk outside will help. It's not good to sit inside and worry when you don't have control.   You might be sore just because of the stress.  Try some stretches today.

Hi Lotti, your son will have to want to get help, nothing you can do about it. My son finally decided on his own to stop smoking marijuana, a daily habit since he's been a teen. it's very hard not to worry about our kids, I know. But when they are adults you just have to hope they are making good choices. And if I say anything to either of my adult kids about their bad choices they get very defensive and say I'm always pointing the finger at them.  It's so hard.

The other night my peri symptoms let up a bit and I went roller skating for the first time in 30 years. Of course I fell and broke my wrist. Oh what a year! 

Hi Lotti, 

  As if we don't have enough things going on at this stage of life, WE ARE STILL MOTHERS.  

  I am sorry your son is drinking too much.  But in some ways your husband is right, you can't fix this for him.  The only thing you can do is be open to discussions.  Just make sure you don't become his crutch.  My youngest was also drinking, but on Mother's day he mentioned about his back pain.  We'd had this issue when he was in high school and we did a cortisone shot in his spine, which made all the world of difference.  So ok, too much information, but I mention this, because I think he was drinking to escape from the physical pain.  I called, got appointment, saw his doctor with him, and they again did a cortisone shot.  It has made him feel like a new person and he's not drinking.  I only mention this, because there can be a reason why a person is self medicating.   Sometimes it's just not about addiction, there can be other factors.

   But all you can do as a mom, is talk to him and see what he thinks.  Is he ready for help?  Does he want help?  Sometimes there is nothing you can do but stand back and let them crash and burn.  And in that case, your husband is making the right call.  So sorry you have this worry on top of all else.  As one mother to another, I know how awful this can be.  I love my son, just as much as you love yours.  That's what we committed to long ago.    

I am so sorry you feel like this. I know how it feels. My mum and stepdad live abroad and on top of having a demanding job, a family with a teenager, perimeno health worries, I also have to deal with my mum being soooo demanding. She wants things from me all the time, mainly money, moans that we don't see them often enough but when she is here she does nothing but moan and argue. I know I can't really say I know how you feel but I think I mjight have an idea. If it was anyone else, I would have cut her out of my life a long time ago but it's my mother and hence I can't.  But I agree with the other comment above, you have to start looing after yourself and doing things you enjoy doing. I also know that's much easier said than done but please try. It sounds like you've got the support of your hubby so that's good. After many years of being mentally bullied by my mother, trying to make me feel guilty because they have financial difficulties, I have minimised contact with her. I know this sounds awful and probably won't make me very popular but that's the only way I can survive without crying after each conversation with her. I now send her money once a month and don't talk to her much more. Sorry I am talking about myself but thought it was somehow a little relevant to your situation. Spend some you time and look after yourself! xx

He does have a lot of pain with his teeth. He recently got dental insurance and started going and then hit his "cap" and can't afford to get the rest done till next year. 

I appreciate y'alls advice. I will go for a walk.  It will probably help. Been hugging my 93 lb dog all morning😔

Thank you for listening as always

Yes to the walk. Take the dog too! I started running a few years ago and it helps me deal with stuff. Always feel better after a run x

Lottie I completely understand, more than you know!  But you do have to let go and not worry about him.  he has made his choices, YOU didn't make them for him.  As much as we would like our chldren to live a more wholesome life, they don't always choose that for themselves.  

I had to completely walk away from my 30 year old crystal meth addicted son.  I don't talk to him anymore.  He will do or die, but I will not enable him or let him drive me over the dep end with stress.  All addictions change people and hurt families.

You have to find things that make you happy and do them...fill your mind with good things.

It is hard, but I am free of that now.  it used to daily hurt me deeply.  I finally changed my number and moved so he has no way of locating me.  THe stress used to give me all kinds of body aches...and mental issues.  That kid could make my mind bend.  Not anymore.  

I can't give up on him. I will try to help him find help. But I do understand I can only go so far. I do believe my husband has my back. My prayers are with all of you sincerely.

Hi lotti 

As a mother it's hard to let go of your kids problems. But if and I say if it's an alcoholic problem with your son, the only people that can help him is himself.   He has to decide he wants to get better and until then the only tell lies that the want help , the will drain u looking for pity and  telling u  or anybody that listens sob stories to feel sorry for them. And look for money to buy food etc even though the want it for alcohol.   Some times the need to loss a lot  like family and friends before the realise it has to stop.   I've been there for years and only realised  that your only making them worse by helping them and letting them drink.  But when me and  his friends let him off to his own devices and told him if that s way u want from life work away.    Then a few weeks of that  after many years of molly coddling him .  and he realised he was on his own , he went and got help  and is still alcohol free.    This was after  I lost 3 stone  went down to 9 stone  looked like death warmed up and got many health and anxiety problem because I let him run me down .  So I'm sorry but you need to find out does he have other genuine problem s you can help him with. If not take a big step back  do he can see himself and let him sort him self out.    

I have actually put back on the weight and got. Rid of anxiety since . Thank god.  But do put yourself first . 💕💕💕