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Not liking CBT / unsure what to do.

Posted , 9 users are following.

anya.rose
anya.rose

So I’ve recently started CBT, and I really wanted to be positive about it and go in with high spirits and trust and openness... but I really hate it, every minute of it. The first phone conversation I had with my therapist went pretty good and I was quite excited before the first session (which was meant more as an assessment and not an actual CBT session). My GP even said at one point, about this first initial assessment “let’s see what the expert says”, meaning the therapist (aka Wellbeing Practitioner). But when I actually got there and as we started talking I soon started to feel really uncomfortable sharing things, and I hated her responses, they felt so rehearsed and weird. It felt condescending the way she was talking to me and I just didn’t feel “safe”. I still did my best to try and share as much as I could and be honest but there are lots of things I didn’t mention even tho I had planned to tell her. Anyway I’ve now had one session of what they’re calling “guided self-help” (basically CTB type therapy) and it’s beyond a doubt the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever tried. The conversation felt totally scripted (just that I never got my lines), no seriously a few time I said something and she didn’t know how to respond, it was little talking to a fish! And she’s barely older than me, probably fresh out of training (and most definitely not an “expert” as my GP assumed).

I’m not sure what to do now, I have another appointment on Wednesday but I really don’t want to go. I really want to back out and say this isn’t for me but my GP really hasn’t got anything else to offer me (I don’t think) and I don’t want it to look like I’m unwilling to get better or like I’m throwing the only thing I agreed to back in his face (as I said I didn’t really want any meds yet). Any suggestions? Should I just stick it out a few more sessions? If I decide to quit, should I tell my GP that I’ve done that, should I go talk to him first about wanting to stop with the CBT before I tell my therapist anything? I really don’t know what to do.

My GP also doesn’t really have the full story of how bad it’s gotten, mainly because it’s just been getting worse and worse. The first time I saw him it really wasn’t so bad but then in the weeks following that first appointment everything got just so much harder for me. Should I tell him? I’m so bad at telling him stuff, I only get 10 min long appointments and I get so nervous because of the time limit. Last time I saw him I was shivering and was in physical pain the whole time (and I didn’t actually tell him why I was really there... just a major fail altogether). Later that day I had what I assume might have been my first real panic attack (maybe) I’ve been dealing with anxiety for a while and I was really depressed for a while a few years ago, but I don’t think I’ve ever had an actual panic attack (if that’s what it was). I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to make another appointment and then not say what I mean to (I have written letters in the past but I really don’t want to do that again either) I feel like he’s so sick of me, or not sick of me; I think he’s frustrated because there’s so little he can do for me. I’m just so confused right now and don’t know what to do.

Sorry for the ridiculously long post. And (for those who got this far) thanks for reading it!

All the best,

Anya

1 like, 37 replies

37 Replies

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  • mandy78087
    mandy78087 anya.rose

    Posted

    Hi Anya, I am a therapist (in Australia) and like you, i don't go much on CBT. It is helpful in some situations, but very limited generally. Probably helps people whose attitude may be a bit negative, but I believe it can do harm for people whose difficulty is more to do with emotional injury, or uncertainty about themselves. It seems to have been 'flavour of the month' for governments around the world for a while because it is seen as being a quick intervention, and therefore cost saving. Not much use if is applied on everything when it can only help in a minority of people's difficulties.

    I think a relationship-based therapy with a therapist practising more along the lines of a psychotherapeutic model is better (not the old-style where you spend a fortune and lie on a couch every week forever!). I think counselling works best when the counselor is authentic with you, like a real person, and they can help you untangle the dynamics (past and present) of the family you grew up in, they can show interest, compassion, share details of their own experience that may be relevant etc. Help you to identify the 'rules' and patterns you seem to live by in your life now etc.

    I have always said to people who aren't happy with a counsellor, 'keep looking. Don't keep seeing someone unless you're sure they are helping, it feels good to see them, you feel you're making progress etc. There is a lot of pretty unskilled counseling going on out there.'

    For what its worth, you seem to be spending a lot of energy worrying about your GP - what he'll think, how to communicate with him etc. It would be better to spend that energy on yourself - make you more important, and him less important. i know GPs are important, but most of them are really mostly business people earning an income these days, and it can be dangerous to focus on the 'relationship' between them and you too much, if they are not that invested in it. A different matter if you have an excellent GP who is committed to helping you and has been a trusty guide - and perhaps your is that. Just an observation for what its worth.

    Have you been to a special purpose bookshop and looked through a range of good self-help books? There are some good titles out there which can help a lot too.

    Take care,

    Mandy

    • anya.rose
      anya.rose mandy78087

      Posted

      Hi Mandy,

      Thank you so, so much for taking the time to write such a long and lovely response. Read it a few hours ago but need some time to process : )

      Yeah I totally agree on the CBT thing, it is overused and not as helpful governments want it to be. Thing is the title to this post is wrong, I’m not really in CBT therapy (realised this after doing some research based on a few of the other comments). At the moment I’m seeing (or last week I saw – don’t know if I’ll actually go see her this week) a Wellbeing Practitioner (don’t know what the qualification is here – the site is pretty vague) for “guided self-help” which according to the site: “involves working through self-help materials based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) principles”... (sounds like a bit of BS doesn’t it? – it feels very patronizing and the therapist either looks and sounds like an idiot herself or like she thinks I'm one, I assume she may be an intelligent woman when she takes he “wellbeing practitioner” hat off but the therapy itself is so, so weird!)

      I think I’d probably benefit more from a psychotherapeutic model based therapy rather than CBT but I’m really not sure how much of that is available on the NHS. I’ve got an appointment booked with my GP for Tuesday, I’ll try to just let him know what’s been happening with my/in my head the past few weeks and what this therapy I’m getting is. I have a feeling he doesn’t really know how it all works and doesn’t realise that I’m not really getting the CBT he suggested I get. And then I’ll just see what he does with that information. Because at the moment I’m really not sure yet what type he is, my old GP was amazing and this one seems like he could be too but I've only seen he 3 time and once was for a completely unrelated matter. And it’s not so much that I’m focusing on a relationship between us (or maybe I am? I don’t even know, haven’t really thought about it that way.) It’s just that I get very nervous seeing all kinds of doctors and I just want to be honest with him and give him as much info about what going on with me as possible but so many times I’m just unable to do that and it’s really frustrating.

      With regard to sharing thoughts and feelings when I’m not comfortable, that’s not even an option really. I’m awful at being open even when I am comfortable, so when I’m not there’s this wall that goes up and I just put an act on where I do whenever I think would be the most “normal” or expected thing for me to do from the other person’s perspective. And it doesn’t feel like a conscious choice (but obviously it is, I guess) it just happens and I don’t feel like I can will myself to not do that/act that way. So yeah that’s why I think it’ll be really difficult (even impossible) for me to bring this issues up in therapy (aka guided self-help) with the therapist who makes me uncomfortable. But if GP suggests I should I’ll give in another go this week.

      Thank you so, so much for sharing. It was a really helpful reply!

      All the best,

      Anya X

  • mandy78087
    mandy78087 anya.rose

    Posted

    On the topic of whether to share your feelings/experiences with a counselor you don't like/feel comfortable with, I would say definitely not to. It is your natural instinct to protect yourself that sounds the alarm in that situation, and that is a really important instinct, which should be honoured. Your feelings, especially hurt feelings, are sacred and shouldn't be brought before anyone who may not know how to value and respect them enough. Virtually no knowledge of feelings or how to respond to them is required to practice CBT, so there is no reason to believe that a CBT practitioner would ba safe person to share your private self with. Just MHO!
    • jmcg2014
      jmcg2014 mandy78087

      Posted

      You should absolutely share with a therapist, otherwise there's zero point in seeing a therapist. If there's a clash of personalities then yes,move on to find a therapist you do trust,but if you go into therapy thinking you won't share things that trouble you then there's absolutely no point going to therapy
    • mandy78087
      mandy78087 jmcg2014

      Posted

      Sorry jmcg, you must have missed that I qualified that statement by saying it is only a therapist you don't feel comofrtable with that you shouldn't share yourself with. Anya.rose has stated she feels like she doesn't want to tell things to that particular therapist, and i am saying i think that is important to listen to that, and not force herself. Obviously, as you say, there is no point going to a therapist if you weren't going to share yourself with one that you do feel is trustworthy.
  • mandy78087
    mandy78087 anya.rose

    Posted

    Sorry jmcg, you must have missed that I qualified that statement by saying it is only a therapist you don't feel comofrtable with that you shouldn't share yourself with. Anya.rose has stated she feels like she doesn't want to tell things to that particular therapist, and i am saying i think that is important to listen to that, and not force herself. Obviously, as you say, there is no point going to a therapist if you weren't going to share yourself with one that you do feel is trustworthy.
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