Not sure if I can continue
Posted , 14 users are following.
My husbands drinking heavily started abou 9 years ago. All his drinking is at home. Weekends always starts at about 7am with 5 bottles of lager by 10 am. As our child was young over the years our weekends have for me been awful. It used to be cans of lager. About 4 years ago I found 60 cans that had been drunk in a week. Since then I have asked him to get help, which he won't do, told him he needs to leave but it never happens because during the week he is the lovely man I married. He now always has at least one bottle of lager every day before work at 6am and possibly can as well. Most evenings I don't think he drinks? I am normally an expert! But I did find bottles of water with vodka in them. He has started to not go to work on a Monday and I feel I have to tell him to leave but that is hard. Does he drink a lot? I have lost sight of what is normal! If anyone can help or advise I would be grateful.
0 likes, 46 replies
olivo helen26906
Posted
Helen Hi ! I could have written this 20 years ago, - the little empty bottles of water full of vodka- yes found those too!! Even under the pillows in the room our grandkids sleep in when they stay,-( obviously not when they are in the house!)
We have a huge plant outside our front door, and one day I happened to look down as the dog had stopped for a pee, and there was another water bottle hidden behind the plant. In the boot of the car too, Alcoholics are devious- and it will get worse- eventually he will blame you, it wont be his fault, and dont kid yourself, he WILL drink in the evenings, he will just find a different way to do it. (I hate coke- he knows that, but he likes it, so before I even offer a glass to our grandkids, I have to taste it, as every possibility it has vodka in it. He did 2 yrs counselling, but did no good, as he truly doesnt think he has a problem. My daughters will not allow their kids in the car with him driving, and I have had to ask him to get out of the car as I've realised he's way too drunk to even keep his eyes open. It gets harder to seperate the longer you stay in this situation. I wish I'd done it 20 years ago, not so easy now I'm 67 and not so mobile
Misssy2 helen26906
Posted
As an alcoholic..I have to think that because he is drinking a bottle or can before work at 6am that he has had alcohol the night before....
Yes, I think he drinks an awful lot. I can see that it is affecting not only his life (risking his job with the smell of alcohol on him) it is also affecting your life in many ways.
I know what a trapped feeling it is to be with someone that you are basically "done" with. I'm glad you found the board to help you to have people that know this condition inside and out.
You said during the week he is the lovely man you married. Is it possible for you to make plans on the weekends so you don't have to sit around and watch this. I know you speak of leaving him...but that is usually not the FIRST fix or the EASY fix to a long term relationship. I say this because although you feel trapped...I'm sure it is not easy to just end the relationship.
I'm in a relationship now that for the last 2 years I have asked the man to leave and it just hasn't happened..and we are not even married...so I don't see how that will be the easy solution. If it is EASY for you to get him to leave..than I would say do that right away!
This problem is not going away overnight if at all...alcoholism is progressive..he is not going to get better all of sudden without some kind of medical and psychological help....
olivo Misssy2
Posted
helen26906 Misssy2
Posted
Thankyou for your reply just you saying it is a lot helps. As you said he always tries to turn it that I think I'm going mad. I know him leaving is not the first or easy solution but I have begged so many times for him just to see a doctor or counsellor but he will not even entertain it. I just say the same things every time but he won't do anything to change. i am fed up of trying to reason with him. I have a social life with my friends but never with him. He has missed out on so much with our son and I am not sure how much I have left to fight this vicious circle all the time.
vickylou helen26906
Posted
Helen, if you're married and have a mortgage in both your names and have dependants, whatever you do, don't walk out and leave him in your joint home. Hang fire and get some legal advice. Find out what your options are, then give them to him as a fait a complete. He won't accept he's got a problem. Actually, he knows very wel he's heading for trouble,
pistal666 helen26906
Posted
Is there any way you can tell him to move out, or you can you go and stay with Family for a while. It sounds like you really need to think this through. And with this time apart, maybe he might catch a glimps to the problems of his actions, or he might go completly off the rails. Either way his behaviour will make it easier to decide what you need to do next, You can't go on like this, you have told him he needs help, but badgering him will just have a negative affect. You could just leave him information on how/where to get help. Having a drink first thing in the Morning is a clear sign that his addiction is much larger than you think. Vodka in Waterbottles? He mush have an inkling that it's out of hand, otherwise why would he hide it. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they see things for what they are. This is not fair on you or your Child. I hope thins get better, AL
Robin2015 helen26906
Posted
helen26906 Robin2015
Posted
tony51927 helen26906
Posted
Hi Helen,first of all,sorry to hear what your going through.I can relate to everthing as i lied about my drinking to the wife,lying to the point she thought she was going crazy.Used to enjoy a few ciders,then for a quicker buzz,a secret half bottle of brandy,because my 4 cans were gone,the wife thought thats all i,d had,When that was gone,would find the vodka (hidden),that was her tipple on a weekend,Would drink it midweek,and make sure it was topped back up before she realised,that was ok until i forgot and she caught me out,I would tell her i had only had a couple out of it,and that she had drunk the rest at the weekend. she would find empties everywhere,behind the microvave,behind the settee,in the wardrobe,on top of the wardrobe,in the shed,just a few to mention. Not proud of any of this rediculous behaviour. As for dinking early in a morning,as i did.Thats waking up feeling physically sick,until you have that first one. Unfortunately your body is dependant. Its a drug,and its time to seek help. Only 12 weeks dry,but wish i had of got off my backside and adressed it earlier. First week or two was hard,physically and proberly more the mental battle(thinking about it,from waking up to going to bed). This gets easier,as it doesn't even cross my mind now. Don't want to sound like i'm dictating,but i can tick all the boxes to your husbands drinking and behaviour. Good Luck!
sharon7979 tony51927
Posted
Robin2015 tony51927
Posted
helen26906 tony51927
Posted
Tony thanks and well done on the 12 weeks.
Can I ask what made you think enough was enough in the end? I just can't see us getting there. Like your wife I do feel I'm going crazy. As he is at least at work I have not been confrontational but it's really hard not to be. I guess that doesn't help.
vickylou tony51927
Posted
Tony your post as all too familiar, been there done that etc.
I reached a point when alcohol stopped working for me. I would drink to relieve anxiety and alcohol did help, even though I knew it was only temporary.
I reached a point where alcohol stopped working for me. I'd still feel the same, with or without it. It had stopped helping to curb my anxiety, in fact it made it worse.
Well done with your sobriety ( hate that word!), keep posting and stick with it.
tony51927 helen26906
Posted
Where do i start? The last 15 years have gone down the drain. Told myself after the first detox(8-9 years ago),never go down that road again.Here i am again,currently 12-13 weeks into my Alcoholic Rehabilitation Programme. Following blood tests just after Christmas,i got a wake up call,my liver function test came back with shockingly high and dangerous levels bordering on the early signs of cirrhosis,once this kicks in ,there is no going back.Shouldn't have come to this to sort myself out. 49 years old,it was either drink myself to death(maybe 5 years) at the rate i was drinking or sort myself out and look forward to the future.Got a Wife,2 daughters(26 and 29),and a wonderful grandson(10) who love me but hated me when drinking.Lucky to still have them.At the time i didn't deserve them,all i cared about was my next drink. How sad and how selfish was? I went from a "Happy Drunk" which they could tolerate, to a nasty horrible selfish alcoholic. No fun for them was it? Now looking forward to the future,drink free,time to grow up,how pathetic at my age? We,re only here once,(Long time Dead).
vickylou tony51927
Posted
Don't be so hard on yourself! Yes like most of us here, we've all messed up and hurt the people closest to us.
We can't undo our past and the mistakes we've made. What we can do is look to the future and ensure we don't make the same mistakes again. Like you said, "we're a long time dead".
Keep posting and recognise how well you're doing. I've got three kids and two grandsons and am thoroughly enjoying 'family time' and can look forward now, and not dwell on the past.
Keep posting!
helen26906 tony51927
Posted