Not sure if I can continue

Hi Helen. I was in exactly the same place as you are now. Reading through all of the posts, I can see that you have realised the awful truth that your husband is alcohol dependent.

The biggest problem you have now is that he is in denial. It would seem from what you are saying, that at the moment he is a functioning alcholic? He is able to continue to work and provide for you and your family. I'm sorry I dont mean to pry. You can privately message me if you wish.

From experience I know that the alcohol you are finding, will be the tip of the iceberg. My husband confessed to drinking half a bottle of vodka in the public loos whilst we were out shopping. Always had a bottle of 'water' with him. I don't know if you realise, but your husband has to drink, so that he doesn't start getting withdrawal symptoms. The alcohol becomes almost like a dreadful medicine. There are a lot of ppl on this forum that will tell you that in the end they begin to hate alcohol.

I don't know how much knowledge you have of this disease, but your husband cannot just stop, in fact it is very dangerous to do so. My husband has nearly died with Delerium Tremens followed by seizures.

Hoping to hear from you

Kindest Regards

JulieAnne

oops..i have to repeat the obvious that he drinks an enormous amount start very very early just to function or perhaps barely function..how can he drive and work?? Can only assume that he is over the limit..sorry for being so blunt...how to stop?? Robin

Not a decision to be taken lightly, but how would you feel if he were to have a car crash and injure or worse end up killing some innocent person or child?

You are well aware he's drinking and driving, therefore putting people at risk, by not reporting him, you're actually enabling him to drink and drive.

I know I'll be inundated with private messages now, and probably several, if not loads of posts criticising me for suggesting you have the option of reporting him.

I was charged with drink,driving, the morning after the night before. My last drink was about 2am.i

I never even considered that I could still be over the limit when I took my kids to school in the morning.

I knew there was a police car behind me and that as there was a skip in front of me, I crossed the middle white line without indicating.. They followed me to my drive, asked me to get out and breathalised me on my drive, and yes I was over the limit, not by a lot but I failed.

I got a years ban, had to completea

/ continued

attend a 16 week drink drivers course, and see a 'key worker'  first, then join the group therapy meeting at an ARC weekly for 12 months.

I couldn't have lived with myself if I'd had an accident and injured anyone, including my 3 kids. I've never driven since and have no desire whatsoever to drive again.

Robin I'm really sorry, but it looks like I'm talking about you drink/driving. I was supposed to be replying to Helen, now it's missing words and jumbling up sentences.

many apologies

 

JulieAnne

I'm getting confused  (old age!) I don't really know a lot about withdrawals from alcohol, so please bare with me

?In your above reply, ' your husband has to drink, so that he doesn't start getting withdrawal symptoms '

When my drinking was at its worst, I had a home detox with Librium. I was under the impression you couldnt drink during detox week. I thought you took (librium or diazepam  which prevented withdrawals, or rather less versions of them. I thought the benzos were a sort of a re

 

Replacementsp meals taken. It's a lot of money touing so who pays for that?

Believe it or not he does not drive he never has. He gets a lift to work and I do all the driving. Although that frustrates me given what is happening j should be thankful he can't drive.

Vicky my husband does not drive he has never learned. He gets lifts to work.

That should teach me not to make assumptions. Sorry

Hi Vicks. As I understand from detox nurses, I am talking about the onset of delerium tremens. Usually caused by heavy drinking. Over a period of about 10 years hubby would drink for 3 days solid have 4 days off so that he could go to work (no, he did not drive!) After a few years of doing this he could not control the sweating shakes hallucinations and finally seizures.

Hospital told him he must not just stop, but to cut down 10% a day which he did do more times than I care to renember.

This is when the monster has got you, you think you are controlling it, but it is controlling you.

I am not saying this will be Helen's husbands journey, I am just trying to find out what she knows. I was stupidly ignorant of the dangers. Newbies coming to this site do not understand they are at times dicing with death. That is not me being melodramatic either. Whilst we are all blaming the individual, we are not taking proper action. Phew! I do dribble on, once I am on me soapbox xx hope you are well xx

Your right about the hating alcohol thing Juile Ann, after so long it begins to hold no enjoyment. It is done for the initial wave of okayness and then its down hill from there. He just has to realize this is a problem and that it is no longer accpetable to himself or to you. Again thoughts are with you.

Yes he is doing much better with Campral now thanks Sharon. Most of what I say about alcohol comes from him, but he won't post on here. He never did share at AA either. It is a shame because he has a lot of wise words.

I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. The ppl on this forum have helped me so much, they have been and still are a great comfort to me xx

Lol No problem Vicki.

AA i found was not for me either although i would not in any way at all  say that it doesnt hold its purpose and can be an amazing thing for some people if its the right thing for them. Glad he is doing much better tho with the Campral. As for the talking, some people just are not comfortable talking to people that they dont really know. All of you guys on this forum  here have been amazing in so many ways over the last few weeks... i honestly dont know if i would have got this far without it. I do mean that, although it is still hard. We all have different stories and personalities  but somehow it is just comforting to share and hear in an open way about others and be able to say without judgement what is going on around me.

Very true Sharon. I used to drink gin and the smell makes me heave. Whether it's because it reminds me of how the hell did I drink this stuff neat, or reminders of having to get it in my system whilst trying to keep it down as long as possible before puking it up again! Sometimes I'd be in the bathroom for half an hour before the sickness stopped and withdrawal feelings stopped. Back to normal, vomiting gone and feeling 'normal' again. There's no way you could call it drinking for pleasure

There are generally three ways to come off alcohol.

Cold turkey

Tapering down

Detox with a benzo

I have done all three, at least twice.

#1 is highly unpleasant and if you are a seriously heavy drinker, you will need the first two days in bed. One day, I seriously considered wetting the bed, than try (note try) and make the trip to the bathroom. Your central nervous system is totally gone. Only about 5% of people go on to have delerium tremens and seizures.

#2 Is difficult, because once you have consumed alcohol, self control becomes quite difficult. It works best for people that are only partially dependent on alcohol.

#3 Is the easiest and actually costs pennies. Unfortunately it is relatively hard to get. And yes Vicks, you don't drink whilst detoxing. The benzos effectively mimic the alcohol without the drinking effect. This allows the body to come off the alcohol gently. I've done it unsupervised at home and if done with the right quantities, you do not feel any effects coming off the alcohol.

That was what was confusing me. For julieAnnes husband I thought the benzo way would have been the safest and prevented DTs. I got confused (very easy these days!) because I thought the benzo way didn't involve alcohol. My weeks home detox was relatively pain free. The first two days I was in bed, remember very little and slept a lot. Eight days later I felt a different person (not literally!!). Started campral two days after detox

Hi RHGB

Yes my husband as done all three MANY times, No, he never drank whilst taking Chlodiazpoxide. He never used to get the dts, then seizures but the consultant told us that because he had detoxed so many times, his brain and nervous system had progressed to the point of Delerium Tremens. He said this was a usual state to reach after what he called kindling.

I have only known him for 10 years, and he has told me that he went into rehab twice before he knew me. It has been a serious problem for him, for a long time. I can't see how his liver has escaped any damage either after all that x

Julieanne

 

am i right in thinking he won't have abdominal scan? Very frustrating and not fair on you, although I'm sure you know his refusal is fear.

I always thought liver damage would be obvious and painful and that you could always tell, jaundice, severe weight loss, swelling due to ascites. However, apart from being drunk, my friend looked fine, no outward signs.

My daughter in laws mum is in hospital after having undiagnosed pneumonia . She only went to her GP as DIL insisted. Dr sent her straight to hospital, like RHGB. Apparently think a nurse let it slip she had very bad cirrhosis after years of cronic alcoholism. Apart from an odd glass of wine, she'd hardly drunk any alcohol for the last 8 years.

I am not saying that's what will happen to your hubby, just that damage can be done without outward signs.

Would he consider having one for you, if he's not bothered about himself. You need to know exactly what damage, if any he has. I don't need to say anymore as I am sure you know only too well the possible consequences of not having the scan.

he needs this asap

good luck

 

Vicks,

I don't think it is a case of not bothered. If I know blokes, it is a case of not wanting to know. There is probably a suspicion that there maybe something wrong, but whilst he doesn't have it checked, he can be happy that he is not aware of this and doesn't have to deal with it. I believe it is called sticking one's head in the sand.

Believe me, JA has pleaded with him, but he won't have it, refuses outright. I think what will happen, is if he manages to stay off the alcohol for six months, he may then feel more confident that things would have settled down and it would be safer to have a scan.

BTW, I replied to you in the advice needed thread yesterday, but it got moderated, it has only just become visible.

Maybe not bothered was the wrong word, fear of the unknown  probably better.

?I nagged my husband for six months to go to the Drs. Yes I know what you blokes are like ' if it ain't broke, don't fix. it". In the end I stopped bothering him, if he can't be bothered then why should I? Just make sure life assurance was up to date!

He was having angina like pains and felt like his chest was being squeezed. I tried again no joy We had a big argument as I said if he thought anything for me and his kids he'd go, but he obviously couldn't be bothered.

He went 2 days later. Saw a cardiologist next day followed by tests, X-rays scans etc. Turned out he needed an urgent pericardectomy. Apparently at some point he must have had pericarditis which had made his pericardium ( lining round the the heart) calcify. In short, his chest was being squeezed due to pericardium hardening which if left untreated would have squashed and squeezed his heart. Had the op and no longer has a pericardium!!, fine since, so by saying he wasn't bothered about us, made him go to his GP

Will have a look through posts to find yours and get back to you. Thanks

Hi Vicks. Yes he has refused to have a scan even after the doc has said he wants him to have one. I havent kept on at him as I don't want to put his sobriety in jeopardy. He is due another blood test in April. If that comes back with anything wrong then he says he will definately have a scan then. I did tell him that if his bloods are clear it wont mean that there isnt any damage as RHGB has pointed out but he won't listen. He says he isnt in any pain and there does not appear to be any swelling in the area of his liver. B4 he detoxed in Jan tho, the whites of his eyes were yellow. So, I dunno. Whatever! 😠 x

"the whites of his eyes were yellow"

That is jaundice, it is caused by a build up of bilirubin in the blood stream. It is the liver's job to remove this. It is then combined with a digestive fluid called bile. It is then excreted either in the urine or stool.

Whilst there can be a few causes, the main ones that are applicable to people who find themselves in this forum are; it is an indication that the liver is struggling, stopping drinking usually means it disappears. The bile ducts become blocked by gallstones.

Anyone that wants to put themselves off drinking too much, Google jaundice and click on the images option and just look at the eyes for a few seconds.

PS Don't be eating whilst looking.

Yep within days of starting detox, the yellowness had gone. There is nothing more I can do, it's his body 😞 x