Not sure if I can continue

A lot of what you have said about your husband includes things that i have done myself. Hid drink, even in water bottles and in any single less obvious place i could think of. I even forgot myself at times. He does have a problem, but unless he is at the point where he sees this at least to some degree it wont change. It is not your fault and not his either to be honest, he is genuinely in a bad place at the moment but prob frightened and doesnt want to admit it to himself and you because he is scared of change and to be honest not drinking again. He most likely has a lot of reasons he has become this way. I would suggest that you maybe try to give him a wake up call so to speak and stay with friends for a few days... tell him that you do love him as you clearly do but that you are worried, tired and need things to change. Like i say he doesnt im sure want to be like this either and deep inside knows that things are not right. Maybe a break will do you some good and also make him see that although things dont happen over night that things have to get better from everyones point of view. I will say that speaking as the person who drank that the more and more you talk/shout/blame about it the more in a way it will make that person want to do it more. I am sure he would not want to be without you so maybe it will kind of help him in a cruel to be kind sort of way. As he will see what it is actually like being on his own, my partner went to scotland for a week with our daughter and i can tell you it really let me have a lot of time to think about what it would be like if the entire family fell apart all because of my drinking. Be prepared that he may also drink through this time but he will miss you im sure and see that you really will not put up with this life. He shouldnt put up with his life being this way either... i am sure he does not want to have that guilty feeling all the time about drinking and hiding drink. He is prob beating himself up a lot more than what you think. You see people with alcohol problems come across as so selfish at times. But inside we are usually torn apart for different reasons. Have you suggested that he comes to have a look at this site with you? I would imagine this would help a lot if he agrees to do this even for an hour. I would be amazed if he didnt come away and see a few things differently. Keep in touch and all the best. My thoughts are with you.