Oh boy

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What a nightmare alcoholism IS.  I just got out of the hospital AGAIN.

This time 9 days....17 IV bags of vitamins and fluids.  At LEAST 14 shots of Heprin in my stomach (they do this so you don't blood clot cause I could not move).  I could not WALK, TALK, I was Hallucinating....

Heprin causes (at least on my stomach) severe bruising...my stomach is now purple. from the belly button down and all around. I had a heart monitor AGAIN...and this time oxygen. 

AND this time I was asked to go the the psyche ward after the detox of 5 days. I agreed and stayed in the psyche ward for the 4 days.  WONDERFUL Doctors and Nurses and AIDS....I have never been treated better in my life.

They told me their job was to keep me comfortable.  SO...I was receiving 4 mg of Lorazepam every hour for 5 days....thru the IV....for faster acting relief.  I was suffering so much at 2mg...that the Nurse called the Dr. in and he evaluated me and said to raise it immediately.  Last Monday was HELL on EARTH for me.

AGAIN..I was told I was almost dead. I started drinking Jan 2 and called on Jan 31 for help.  The rescue came and the first 2 days are very blank to me right now.  But I will never forget that Monday....Hallucinating...not knowing where I was...having a "fall risk" band for the first time too.  I didn't even start eating until Day 7....They said I looked like the walking dead. 

When I was leaving yesterday...I was told 100x how much better I looked and how far I had come. They saved my life once again.  Or I DID by calling in on myself. 

They said my BAC was VERY high...I didn't even have the energy nor the care to ask what it was because I KNEW it was high. How could it not be...again not eating all that time....just straight VODKA. All those days sad.

I missed the death of a loved one....I missed a court date I promised to attend with my sister....I missed supporting another friend thru a fight to get a child out of foster care....I JUST MISSED my own DEATH DATE this time...maybe by minutes...I don't know if that is true...but that is what it felt like and I was put into ICU (Intensive Care) when I first went in.  Then I was moved to another floor, then another floor, then finally the psyche ward.

Please listen to me...alcohol is progressive....if you are drinking hard....try harder to stop.  It does kill and I can't believe I ever ended up this way again. 

The good news...I had wonderful support and care where I was, I was not treated like I was a loser...I was cared for and catered to every minute of everyday until I could function.  When I finally could shower...Day 6...I was helped....I was brought my meals....I was covered in warm blankets.  I felt like I was 100 years old....I could do NOTHING for myself....NOTHING until Day 6.   I am doing better....Came home to my car (got rearended) and a broken furnace....but ya know WHAT?  I DIDNT care.  I am so GRATEFUL to be alive....for real.

 

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  • Posted

    Glad to hear you pulled through, Missy! That sounds pretty rough, alright. How long were you sober prior to this relapse?
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    • Posted

      Misssy, if the relapses are getting more frequent and/or worse, white-knuckle abstinence might well be the wrong approach for you. The relapse rate over a 4 year window for those that set out to abstain is about 90%. Now, given the problem that alcohol can be in a person's life, a 1 out of 10 success rate isn't "nothing" and those that can manage it that way should indeed do so! But I'm not one of those people. Alcohol has "programmed" me to crave and though I've had a few brief periods of being dry, I've always gone back to it and started drinking more. After a virtually unbroken 30+ year run, I found something that's helped me cut my drinking from about 12 drinks per day (every day for the past year) to 4-5 drinks per day. I started it back in early January and now the first beer that used to be gone in 20 minutes will last for about 2 hours. If it hadn't been for a friend of mine going into detox, it might have been quite some time before I heard of the method. It's helping me get to a point where I just don't care about alcohol so much. I already notice I have more choice about whether I want that next drink or not. A few times, I ran out of beer and didn't want to bother going out for more. The store is only a block away. 

      Misssy, it sounds like you're wired to drink, just like I am. It's not because of a character problem lack of personal conviction. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. 

      After this relapse, I hope you'll look around and see if you can find some real help from a doctor that can prescribe some effective medication for this disorder. There are a few meds out there, Antabuse, Campral and Naltrexone are the main ones. I use Naltrexone myself and use it in a specific way that addresses the root of the problem. Have a look at this page here on Patient for more information about it:

      https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder

      I'm not a medical professional of any sort, so I can tell you what an experienced addiction doctor can, but if you have any questions about it, I'll be happy to tell you about any resources that I think might help.

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    • Posted

      What a nice story and thank you for sharing. ADE...I had 8 years sobriety and I will have it again. I can not put another drink to my lips.  I have always been in Drs care and tried various medications...all of them the Naltraxone, the Antabuse (which I had a really bad reaction to - feet got numb for months...took Drs long time to figure out Antabuse was buidling a toxic level in my body and was not the drug for me).

      I currently am in the care of more than 3 Drs for this problem and that has been the average number of Drs for me over the last 10 years.  I see at least 1 Dr a week.  UNLESS I'm drinking.  I won't be drinking....I can't touch a drop...that is VERY clear.

      Thank you for your thoughtful reply and continued good luck to you with your success.  I WILL succeed....AA does help ME...I will also be attending meetings at AA and at the counseling center I attend (this is something new for me....attendiing sessions at the counseling center).

      I am also in search of EMDR treatment.  This is a treatment that is proven to work for various conditions - one being alcoholism..and many others I have as PTSD, Major Depression and Anxiety.  Treating these underlying causes will or SHOULD elevate the white knuckle syndrome I DO experience.

      Thx. again. smile

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    • Posted

      Very good, Misssy! It sounds like you have support in place and I'm glad for that. 

      When you took the Naltrexone, were you taking it while abstinent? 

      The EMDR sounds very interesting indeed! A quick search tells me that it's being used by VA Medical for PTSD and with some success for Meth addicts too. If it only covered those two issues, that would be a huge advantage, but it sounds like it can really be applied to a wide range of problems! I'll be keen to hear how it works for you.

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    • Posted

      Yes I always have to try for abstinense because I s*ck at any kind of control no matter what pill.  I took a drug to quit smoking....and you can smoke on the pill but it makes you feel like crap and I kept right on smoking....decided to quit the pill instead..

      Someone mentioned that alcohol may be more important to me than my life...that is not true...I keep trying to save myself from alcohol....but I would admit ciggarettes I seem to value more than my life.  I almost left hospital instead of going to the requested psyche treatment because I wanted a cig after 6 days...even with the patch and nicotine lozenges.

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    • Posted

      It is a misconception that you only use The Sinclair Method to drink in a controlled way. The combination of blocking the opioid receptors AND drinking, therefore reconditioning your body not to crave for alcohol, is the purpose of the treatment. After that point has been reached (pharmacological extinction), a person may choose to carry a pill 'just in case' they decide they fancy a social drink, but it is not necessary and many people simply don't fancy a drink anymore and are able to choose abstinence, without the cravings that other people can suffer for many years after they begin their abstinence.

      I just wanted to say that for people who may believe that The Sinclair Method is an excuse to carry on drinking. It isn't at all.

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    • Posted

      Joanna mentioned in another topic that about 40% of those using TSM do choose abstinence. I guess the point here is that you get to choose, no drink or drink "X" amount, as Pharmacological Extinction gets rid of the craving. 
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    • Posted

      Misssy, in that case, there are a couple of reasons that the Naltrexone didn't work. One, taking Naltrexone every day while abstinent has failed in every study done so far. You might get a month or two out of it that way, but in the long run, it will fail to delay the time to the first drink after quitting. Just plain, flat out doesn't work.

      Two, benzos and Naltrexone just don't work together. Dr. Eskapa makes that point in his book. Every 

      So, in your case, you would have to find a replacement for the benzodiazapines to handle the anxiety and take Naltrexone "as-needed", 1 hour before you drink, only on the days you drink. 4 hours before, no go. 2 hours at the outside, and if you're still drinking 12 hours later, you need to take another. 

      That being said, you already have a plan in place, so perhaps file this away as a "Plan B" as it were. May you have the greatest success with the plan you've chosen!

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  • Posted

    I'll leave the others to give you some sympathy and hugs.

    I shall get straight to the point, you are killing yourself. You might not have actually died this time, but one time you will or at the very least you are knocking chunks off the years you have left to live and the quality of life.

    You are going to have to find a way to stop this, and only you can do this. I don't care if I become a pariah for saying it and not being fluffy, you know what awaits you if you don't stop.

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    • Posted

      We all know what's coming it's not rocket science. Harsh words, soft words, none of it makes a difference. But harsh words and no patience don't really go to help anyway but add to the immense heart ache and mental anguish we are already under.
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    • Posted

      Did you read the bit about I don't mind being a pariah. You give the hugs and sympathy, I'll give the shock message that may send Missy in the right direction before it is too late.

      I've seen my best mate's wife die through alcoholism and then a paracetamol overdose and she was an ICU nurse. It isn't nice and it certainly isn't nice going to hear what the coroner has to say.

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    • Posted

      I must confess to having mixed emotions also. I am happy that you pulled through, but you must realise that you can not do it again. One drink is too many for you.

      We don't get too many second chances in life, and I shudder to think of the cost of your treatments. For every life saved there are others not so fortunate.

      Be strong Missy. The power is in your hands. 

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    • Posted

      Did me good to read this. You are right, a short sharp shock has done me good. Thought I'd get a bottle of wine for tonight. Now know I'd be saying the same tomorrow and Saturday !. Thanks

       

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    • Posted

      I appreciate honesty smile.

      The cost?  I don't care...I have paid in for over 32 years....I am 52 and have been working since I was 16.

      Whatever it takes to save MY life.  And...your right I saw someone die this week....sooooo.....that also added to my resolve to quit!

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    • Posted

      lol emma...its ok....everyone is entititled if I couldn't handle it...I wouldn't post.  But, thank you
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    • Posted

      I agree with RHGB that strong words are required IF you want to live. Looks like you have some experience i.e. your friend's wife and that is BAD and TERRIFIC. We all know that Missy will pull through this time. YOu are all doing a good job supporting her in different ways. Robin
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