Oh boy

What a nightmare alcoholism IS.  I just got out of the hospital AGAIN.

This time 9 days....17 IV bags of vitamins and fluids.  At LEAST 14 shots of Heprin in my stomach (they do this so you don't blood clot cause I could not move).  I could not WALK, TALK, I was Hallucinating....

Heprin causes (at least on my stomach) severe bruising...my stomach is now purple. from the belly button down and all around. I had a heart monitor AGAIN...and this time oxygen. 

AND this time I was asked to go the the psyche ward after the detox of 5 days. I agreed and stayed in the psyche ward for the 4 days.  WONDERFUL Doctors and Nurses and AIDS....I have never been treated better in my life.

They told me their job was to keep me comfortable.  SO...I was receiving 4 mg of Lorazepam every hour for 5 days....thru the IV....for faster acting relief.  I was suffering so much at 2mg...that the Nurse called the Dr. in and he evaluated me and said to raise it immediately.  Last Monday was HELL on EARTH for me.

AGAIN..I was told I was almost dead. I started drinking Jan 2 and called on Jan 31 for help.  The rescue came and the first 2 days are very blank to me right now.  But I will never forget that Monday....Hallucinating...not knowing where I was...having a "fall risk" band for the first time too.  I didn't even start eating until Day 7....They said I looked like the walking dead. 

When I was leaving yesterday...I was told 100x how much better I looked and how far I had come. They saved my life once again.  Or I DID by calling in on myself. 

They said my BAC was VERY high...I didn't even have the energy nor the care to ask what it was because I KNEW it was high. How could it not be...again not eating all that time....just straight VODKA. All those days .

I missed the death of a loved one....I missed a court date I promised to attend with my sister....I missed supporting another friend thru a fight to get a child out of foster care....I JUST MISSED my own DEATH DATE this time...maybe by minutes...I don't know if that is true...but that is what it felt like and I was put into ICU (Intensive Care) when I first went in.  Then I was moved to another floor, then another floor, then finally the psyche ward.

Please listen to me...alcohol is progressive....if you are drinking hard....try harder to stop.  It does kill and I can't believe I ever ended up this way again. 

The good news...I had wonderful support and care where I was, I was not treated like I was a loser...I was cared for and catered to every minute of everyday until I could function.  When I finally could shower...Day 6...I was helped....I was brought my meals....I was covered in warm blankets.  I felt like I was 100 years old....I could do NOTHING for myself....NOTHING until Day 6.   I am doing better....Came home to my car (got rearended) and a broken furnace....but ya know WHAT?  I DIDNT care.  I am so GRATEFUL to be alive....for real.

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