Oh boy
Posted , 11 users are following.
What a nightmare alcoholism IS. I just got out of the hospital AGAIN.
This time 9 days....17 IV bags of vitamins and fluids. At LEAST 14 shots of Heprin in my stomach (they do this so you don't blood clot cause I could not move). I could not WALK, TALK, I was Hallucinating....
Heprin causes (at least on my stomach) severe bruising...my stomach is now purple. from the belly button down and all around. I had a heart monitor AGAIN...and this time oxygen.
AND this time I was asked to go the the psyche ward after the detox of 5 days. I agreed and stayed in the psyche ward for the 4 days. WONDERFUL Doctors and Nurses and AIDS....I have never been treated better in my life.
They told me their job was to keep me comfortable. SO...I was receiving 4 mg of Lorazepam every hour for 5 days....thru the IV....for faster acting relief. I was suffering so much at 2mg...that the Nurse called the Dr. in and he evaluated me and said to raise it immediately. Last Monday was HELL on EARTH for me.
AGAIN..I was told I was almost dead. I started drinking Jan 2 and called on Jan 31 for help. The rescue came and the first 2 days are very blank to me right now. But I will never forget that Monday....Hallucinating...not knowing where I was...having a "fall risk" band for the first time too. I didn't even start eating until Day 7....They said I looked like the walking dead.
When I was leaving yesterday...I was told 100x how much better I looked and how far I had come. They saved my life once again. Or I DID by calling in on myself.
They said my BAC was VERY high...I didn't even have the energy nor the care to ask what it was because I KNEW it was high. How could it not be...again not eating all that time....just straight VODKA. All those days 
.
I missed the death of a loved one....I missed a court date I promised to attend with my sister....I missed supporting another friend thru a fight to get a child out of foster care....I JUST MISSED my own DEATH DATE this time...maybe by minutes...I don't know if that is true...but that is what it felt like and I was put into ICU (Intensive Care) when I first went in. Then I was moved to another floor, then another floor, then finally the psyche ward.
Please listen to me...alcohol is progressive....if you are drinking hard....try harder to stop. It does kill and I can't believe I ever ended up this way again.
The good news...I had wonderful support and care where I was, I was not treated like I was a loser...I was cared for and catered to every minute of everyday until I could function. When I finally could shower...Day 6...I was helped....I was brought my meals....I was covered in warm blankets. I felt like I was 100 years old....I could do NOTHING for myself....NOTHING until Day 6. I am doing better....Came home to my car (got rearended) and a broken furnace....but ya know WHAT? I DIDNT care. I am so GRATEFUL to be alive....for real.
1 like, 63 replies
Paper_fairy Misssy2
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i hope you're partner is taking care of you while you recover. Love and best wishes to you xx
Misssy2 Paper_fairy
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My partner and I discussed that I have to stop worrying so much about everything and HE CANT fix me...he realizes that I am going to do things my way...he has always tried to support me but usually leads to us arguing...so he will take care of him and I will take care of me and WE will take care of each other but tread very lightly on hot topics such as medications (he hates medications and thinks no one should be on them)...these topics cause huge drama here
.
We need to keep it light and I need to lighten up...because my worry is one of my big triggers to drinking. So I am going to work really hard to chill a bit. Love back to you....and keep going on your treatment plan as well.
Robin2015 Misssy2
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Misssy2 Robin2015
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RHGB Misssy2
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Whoever designed my local hospital, Warwick, had a warped sense of humour. You have the main hospital, then just to the left in a separate building (connected by a corridor) you have the Aylesford ward (oncology - cancer). And then just to the left of that, you have the mortuary (it is signposted).
Great for logistics. Not so great for the patient or family and friends, when roughly 50% of people don't survive cancer. I'm surprised they didn't squeeze a hospice in, with a big sign saying, palliative care.
Misssy2 RHGB
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I haven't been specifically checked for cancer, other than lung scans that found nodules on my lungs and liver....and they SAY the nodules are begnin I guess they can tell by shape, size and hyperintensities....but it is still scary.
You had menitoned you might think I value alcohol more than my life. That was totally incorrect because I keep trying to safe myself from it.
But, I do think I value my cigs more than life because I almost left the hospital on numerous occassions because you can't smoke there at all...even thou they provided me with a patch and lozenges....I was always saying I was going to leave to smoke.
That is my next quit demon...April 1...my birthday.
Richardt Misssy2
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Misssy2 Richardt
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Oh and I missed you guys too. Hopefully if I go missing again...it is because I am BUSY with life and not drinking. Usually I go missing because when I drink..I just sit and stare...drink...and smoke...and do nothing much else. But I will always make a point to be here when I can to help others.
aprescription Misssy2
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I was wondering if you have tried any other medications besides naltrexone and disulfiram? There are other good ones out there that work on different mechanisms in your brain. There are at least five or six other FDA- approved medications that you could try.
Linda
Misssy2 aprescription
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No, I gave up on alcohol related drugs.
I do currently take Citalopram and Lorazepam...for anxiety and depression.
I take Melatonin for sleep.
I'm not a big fan of drugs (lucky me or I really would be dead by now) and I try to take as few as possible.
I'm already aggravated that I have to go buy some vitamins and the 81mg aspirin for the damage I am causing my heart by smoking and drinking.
But THANK YOU.
RHGB Misssy2
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PaulJTurner1964 RHGB
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It is not good to take any benzodiazepine longterm as they are addictive.
RHGB PaulJTurner1964
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That's what I thought, I had learnt over the last six months. But I forget who it was, but one of the regulars said in a post this week, they have no problem getting diazepam because they're on it for anxiety. I know there are different doses for different conditions. But I thought the days of mother's little helper (Valium) being handed out were finished.
PaulJTurner1964 RHGB
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Misssy2 RHGB
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All Drs here have wanted to remove me from it slowly...but as Paul mentioned when I take it, it also lowers my blood pressure..I do not have high blood pressure regulary but do have it when I am upset.
My new Dr. the other day...a very respected Dr in this area..who is a worker to get people off of DRUGS...told me to come home and take a Lorazepam because my blood pressure was 186/110....very high for me or I think anyone.
I try NOT to take them in the day because they still make me tired....I have not developed that tolerance they say you develop. They calm me and will be an aide for my health and my continued sobriety. They are NOT willing now to take me off of them....some people really do need something for anxiety and your right...they are VERY careful about prescribing them.
I have a write up from a therapist that I had for 8 years that has suggested that I NOT be taken off this pill - and her original thought was also to take me off the pill. It just is what it is with me and Lorazepam.
ADEfree Misssy2
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Have a look on the web wrt GABA, Glutamate and alcohol. The GABA receptors in your brain are the "brake pedal" and the Glutamate receptors are the "gas pedal". Alcohol agonizes (stimulates) the GABA receptors and antagonizes the Glutamate receptors, all of which generally works to relax and calm (initially, at least). When alcohol is withdrawn, it takes time for the receptors to normalize and increased anxiety is typically a problem, especially when anxiety was one of the underlying causes of drinking it the first place.
There are OTC GABA / Vitamin B6 compounds available and though it is thought that GABA is too large a molecule to cross the blood / brain barrier, people do seem to get relief with GABA supplements. It could be that GABA simply supports healthier gut function, and the gut (which has been called the "2nd brain") is responsible for producing various chemicals that the body needs. There is hardly a system in the body that alcohol doesn't thwart or subvert and the GI tract is no exception. It will also take time to normalize. Well, have a look on the web, if you google:
GABA Glutimate alcohol
you will find a paper by the Scripps Institute and an article in Nature that will give you an outline of the problem. One other supplement that increases GABA is L-Theanine, a GABA precursor, which does cross the blood / brain barrier. Perhaps check the reviews on Amazon to see what people have to say and if you think it might be helpful, discuss it with your doctors to see if they have any objections.
Do you plan on moving ahead with the EMDR soon? That sounds quite promising! It seems the VA has gotten some very good results with it, so much so that they created a course around it. Have you found any information about EMDR and cravings?
Misssy2 ADEfree
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I was told they do have it in the counseling center I attend. I have an appt Tuesday and will be asking for an EMDR appt...and everything I learn...will be shared here.
Misssy2 PaulJTurner1964
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However, sometimes I do have panic attacks for no reason and I will wait 1/2 an hour and if I still feel "panicky" I will take one during the day.
They still make me tired (I have not developed a tolerance) and I think I haven't because I do not abuse them. But, I would definetly say I am addicted to them both psychologically and physically and i have also admitted that to my Drs. If they even mention taking them away...I usually react with panic and tell them NO....I am addicted to these pills and if you take them I will end up with a heart attack or never sleeping again....or worse...taking a drink.
Misssy2 PaulJTurner1964
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PaulJTurner1964 Misssy2
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ADEfree Misssy2
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ADEfree PaulJTurner1964
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PaulJTurner1964 ADEfree
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Its main use, however, is for epilepsy.
It has recently been used for treatment-resistant depression and anxiety but it should be used with caution as it can increase suicidal thoughts in some people (much like Prozac has been reported to do).
I have not, in my time as a qualified mental health nurse, worked with any patient who has been taking Gabapentin (Neurontin) for anxiety, so I can't say much from my own experience.
ADEfree PaulJTurner1964
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