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Ok so here's a good one!

Posted , 7 users are following.

liz05654
liz05654

ok. So I know I've contributed to a few conversations the las t few days. Mainly because it was the first time Id had a drink in a month. But now I have a problem and I need help. Please.

its not to do with alcohol or drinking but maybe it's because I had a drink on Friday?

anyway, my daughter told me yesterday that she'd dumped her boyfriend. They'd been together 6 years and she's only 24. It came as a real shocj

k to me and I was devastated. It sounds so bloody stupid I camt even begin to describe to you how I felt. 

Well actualy I can.and I know why. Omg what have i done.

 

0 likes, 35 replies

35 Replies

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  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 liz05654

    Posted

    Dear Liz, you post shows what a beautiful caring and compassionate soul you have....be very proud of that xx you are not pathetic or stupid in any way shape or form, never forget that.....

    Liz, you could do so much good, you could write a letter to all the big national newspapers and express your views on the horrors of the holocaust and how and why it must never ever happen again.... your post is so, so heartfelt you will at the very least make others think of that terrible cruel time in history,, and at the very best it could cause a chain reaction of others speaking out more..you are a good person, don't ever forget that, you have so much to offer and very many of us here truly care about you, we wish that we could make everything better.... you are loved by your children, they must worry about you when you feel so despondent.... please go and talk to your GP about your very low moods, they should be able to help in some way.... once again, I sincerely xxx wish you peace of mind and a future that you look forward to... in my thoughts.. honestly xxx

    Please take care, Deirdre xxx

  • liz05654
    liz05654

    Posted

    Ok so I've just spoken to my boss. He knows I'm an alcoholic and he knows I'm depressed at the moment. I told him that he doesn't appreciate me. He panders to the needs of others who in my mind are pathetic. I have a colleague who slams the phone down on financial brokers. The job requires people to be at their desk from 7am to get the best deals. She is never there at 7 am. Sometimes she turns up at 10am and out boss allows her to get away with it. He apologises to her for putting her out. He never tells me anything. I'm not being big headed here but I do am amazing job. I never complain. I do what I'm asked to do and more without argument. Without anger, without aggression, like my peers do all the time. But my boss tells them Constantly how much they are valued. He never does with me.

    omb maybe I ahve a really high opinion of myself. Oops

  • liz05654
    liz05654

    Posted

    He does want me to get better. But I think he wants it on his terms. That's probably not true but I think he likes me being like this. In a way.

    he is scared I reckon. I'm not just saying this, and not being big headed, but I am a very clever person, and fairly good looking. Well, I am when I'm not drinking.

    Hes also extremely clever, but in an odd way. He knows facts about things I would never dream of trying to understand or even want to. If you're going to a pub quiz he is your man!

    he knows everything about nothing.

    random stuff. 

    Everyone I know is completely awed by him.

    he makes me feel safe.

    he saved me.

    literally.

    one day about 4 years ago I slashed my wrists, and he kicked my front down to save me. He was gardening in the road. 

    The poice, ambulance and family all arrived at my house. I must have told them what I was doing but I don't remember . My sister saw him and asked him what the hell he thought he was doing? She didn't realise at the time that he was my friend. She didn't knownhed saved my life and stopped the bleeding. He just walked away.

    but a few days later, after I'd been to see the mental health doctor with my dad, he was there.mon my front garden. Mowing my lawn. As I got out of my dads car he came over and gave me a hug. He kissed me on the top of my head. He had tears in his eyes. So did I. 

  • liz05654
    liz05654

    Posted

    I know I'm being silly, stupid and mad even. I know I'm being irrational. I know I'm sad. I will go to the doctors tomorrow. I will save myself.

    i don't know what my purpose in life is yet. Maybe I will never know. But I am a good person. I have no hatred in my life. I still love my ex husband, despite what he did to me. 

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 liz05654

    Posted

    Hi Liz, it sounds as if your boss really thinks a lot of you, he must respect you as colleague and a friend... you must be a great asset to the firm that employs you, and he was amazing in the fact that he probably saved your life and wanted no credit or recognition for his actions....

    Try to settle into work, it was courageous of you to be honest with your boss, and I am sure that he appreciates your total openness with him... keep your head up high, you will get there, you totally deserve to,, you will be in my thoughts, sincere regards to you, please take care of yourself, Deirdre xxx

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