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One step forward and now ten steps back, please help?

Posted , 4 users are following.

Time2Talk
Time2Talk

I was raped 3 years ago, although he was arrested no charges were made due to it being my word against his.  I have battled daily trying to get my confidence and life back together, only a handful of people know what happened to me and I have made a new circle of friends that knew nothing about it as I didn't want people judging me or talking behind my back.  This was until last night when I was out and someone I thought was beginning to become a good friend said he had been told not to be on his own with me because I'll cry rape.  I lost it, I'm so placid but commpletely lost my temper and made a complete fool of myself in public.  How can I ever face the outside world again?  Will this ever leave me, I questioned if I would be better off dead last night but I will not do that, however I am a shadow of my former self and back to the person I was 3 years ago when it all happened.  I have been waiting 3 years for counselling through my doctors surgery as I cannot afford to pay for it myself, I have battled this alone and just as I was beginning to smile I hate myself again today.

1 like, 21 replies

21 Replies

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  • applepie
    applepie Time2Talk

    Posted

    Sorry to hear what has happened both 3 years ago and last night. I'm sure everyone would agree the only fool was the individual that made such an insensitive & stupid remark. Have you ever been prescribed medication to assist you? I truly hope you start to feel better soon.
  • SkyeBeth
    SkyeBeth Time2Talk

    Posted

    Time2Talk I would have lost it as well.  God, I probaby would have caused bodily harm.  You are completely justified in your reaction. Rape is the ultimate violation a woman (or man) can experience.  You must be a very strong woman to stand up to your rapist in the first place.  Hold on to that.    
    • Time2Talk
      Time2Talk SkyeBeth

      Posted

      Thanks, it's good to know I'm not going mad (so to speak).  I'm feeling a bit stronger today, I think it's that I acted so out of character and now people who knew nothing about what happened will know.  People make judgements, if he didn't get charged aftet the arrest then it obviously didn't happen so I'm the liar.  CPS decided there wasn't enough evidence and that was me destroyed, I would never report it again and put myself through that, I only wish they could have put us both on a lie detector and taken that to court but unfortunately not.  I think it is that I have so much anger but I've had to bury it (so to speak) as I've received no help.  Thanks for your support, you have made a difference because now I feel that I didn't over react. x
  • deaver
    deaver Time2Talk

    Posted

    Hi time2talk,  I understand how you are feeling in a way. I had a somewhat similar situation a few years ago.  It never goes away and you fail to trust anyone again. I've never been able to talk to anyone about how I feel and do not trust anyone anymore to confide in.

    It's hard and I do not have any suggestions for you, only that I support and understand you.

    Take care.

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