Others pick on my husband for Aspergers behaviors what do u do?

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Mu partner of 30 yrs is my angel. He has Aspergers. Social skills r a big issue. We have friends but they make fun of how he dresses and talks.

 What do u do if this is a issue with UR loved one?

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  • Posted

    Hello, I would politely ask them to stop doing that & explain why. If they carry on doing it, they're not true friends or nice people! Xx

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    • Posted

      Thanks I have many times. I guess unless it's their loved its a open form of harassment.mthey respond with they r trying to help him be more socially acceptable. YIKES narrow minded to say the least. I have sent them emails explaining how change and socially acceptable behaviors is not always a option only well falls on dead ears. Their hearts r in it & well meaning they just DONOT accept that this is a issue .

      cheers

      HOPE

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    • Posted

      Oh! That's a hard one then! Does it bother your partner more or you?

      I suppose you may need to weigh up their friendship vs stress/hurt feelings. 

      It's a difficult situation, especially as their heart is in the right place. x

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    • Posted

      Yes that's just it I know they mean well. I don't want to upset them.. I necrosis quite know if I should stop them at the time the say a hurtful thing and maybe in the heat of things can be resolved.

      they do talk behind our back that they have been the best support to him than anyone else. Not true. I feel so stuck wanting to protect my partner first yet these r his long time friends and don't want to risk that .

       

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  • Posted

    They dont sound like FRIENDS to me. I thought a friend was someone who liked you and cared about your feelings? You should not have to ask them to stop, they should not want to be so cruel in the first place. I understand it is hard for a person with aspergers to find and keep friends but it is better to hvae no friends than "friends" who are like this.
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    • Posted

      They have been friends for years. I guess maybe it's time to risk loosing that and I fear how it will effect my partner.

      THANKX for UR help.

       

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  • Posted

    Well I would say they are not friends really are they.
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    • Posted

      For many years and I have tried to tell them how their remarks r not helping him but upsetting , and unnecessary. It's not going to chane him even though they think they r helping him. 

      THANKX 

       

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    • Posted

      I agree with you Dawnregina. They dont make these remarks to help. They do it because it makes them feel good. Smeone with aspergers cannot be advised to change. My best friend has aspergers and can be very difficult at times. But there is no use in telling her that doing this or that is offensive or stretches my patience. She cannot change how she is anymore than I can change how tall I am.
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    • Posted

      Sometimes actually people do things to try and help! when actually its more of a hindrance and is just to make themselves feel better. My Ex Husband had many issues which pointed to Asperger's but I helped him a lot in many ways.. Now we are Divorced and he lives with our Son who is 27 and he has just bought his own house again. So he is doing okay.. I dont see him because we argue! this saves my sanity.
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    • Posted

      I can understand that. My friend who has aspergers will start an argument from nowhere. I find it best to change the subject or laugh it off and if she goes on and on about it I have to tell her to shut up. But friends do not always putg up with such things. Most people would walk away and not bother anymore. After all you are divorced and you don't see him because you would argue.
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    • Posted

      Very tru. Thank u so much for UR support.

      ive been thinking that I should let his friends read all UR responses. Then mabe they can see it's not just me and it's only out of luv for my partner . I ask them to help him in ways he can benefit not by trying to make him change. 

      Thankx

       

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    • Posted

      Sanity is really important. Sometimes the constants can be tough it takes a toll it there is no way to take a break and recharge my batteries. 

      THANKXTHANKX

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    • Posted

      Thanks so much.. This is a hard one. I learned a long time ago u just can't make everyone happy.. So go for what gives peace and laughter. I know I have his heart as my angel has mine. That's what really matters.
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    • Posted

      I cannot see how taking the mickey out of someone is trying to change him - it is simply being childish and cruel.

      Nothing to do with trying to help. Who are they to try to help? They have not even researched the illness to understand that it is part of his personality/condition, not a choice he makes. I can remember once years ago I was talking to someone about a person we both knew who was isncredibly daft and always making terrible decisions. Usually about money. And this other person said "I will tell this (daft person) that from now on he must make sensible decisions and stop being daft". And this person - who was even more daft than the original person - really thought that if you tell a stupid person to stop being stupid they will stop being stupid. Like they were CHOOSING to be stupid and can CHOOSE to stop. It is just as naive and ridiculous as telling a person to change their aspergers behaviour. Where does it end then? You can tell a person that stammers to stop stammering? Like they would not have chosen to do taht before if they could?

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