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Others pick on my husband for Aspergers behaviors what do u do?

Posted , 6 users are following.

hope4cure
hope4cure

Mu partner of 30 yrs is my angel. He has Aspergers. Social skills r a big issue. We have friends but they make fun of how he dresses and talks.

 What do u do if this is a issue with UR loved one?

1 like, 58 replies

58 Replies

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  • carmel83758
    carmel83758 hope4cure

    Posted

    If your partner wants to continue the friendship then this is what comes with it, but if it were me I would drop them.
    • hope4cure
      hope4cure carmel83758

      Posted

      I have considered that many times. I am afraid of the toll it may take.

      thankx

  • Roseann
    Roseann hope4cure

    Posted

    No personal experience of having a partner with AS, but what a lovely post you've written about your angel.  Perhaps humour is a good way of everyone coping with your partner's idiosyncracies?  Hope he copes OK with it all and throws a little humour back at them all.  Keep being happy. 
    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 Roseann

      Posted

      Hope4cure. A person with aspergers will not understand when someone is taking the mickey out of them, or humour in the same way as other people. And the friends do not have to cope with it, they are simply taking the mickey. Most people with aspergers hve no sense of humour and do not understand jokes.
    • hope4cure
      hope4cure Roseann

      Posted

      That's always the better road.... THANKX so much.
  • Ginagirl
    Ginagirl hope4cure

    Posted

    Absolutely Carmel!

    I used to feel sorry for my Ex when people were doing that taking the Mick as often they did..me being soft hearted would get upset for him, although he was oblivious almost thick skinned, I feltthier jokest reflected upon me when people played fun.. Something I have felt strongly about I dont like bullies..

    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 Ginagirl

      Posted

      Totally agree with you. If I had been you I would have felt they wre taking the micky out of you for being with him. And to me what they were dong was cruel both to you and to him. You should not need to explain it or ask them to stop, they should not be wishing to do it in the first place. When my friend goes on her soap box and starts to lecture me about something or whatever I take control but I never take the mickey out of her, because she cannot help her condition. I have noticed that she can be very naive. She often tries to arrange for people to come over to her place to do jobs such as a plumber to fix a radiator and because she dithers and wants to talk everything through very slowly and carefully and cannot makie simple decisionsd they get fed up with it and dont turn up. She expects them to sit on the phone for an hour sorting out what time to come. While she explains to them that she has her breakfast and feeds the cat etc. People with aspergers are not in tune with their own feelings or other peoples.
    • hope4cure
      hope4cure Ginagirl

      Posted

      No one like bullies..

      I don't think is like our friends r bullying. They see him as very bright and needs work on his socials skill. Once he starts on a subject he can go on for hours and complaining to me to make him stop...well that's like asking a rocket to stop on course in mid air...

      I think I will let them read all UR replies .

  • Ginagirl
    Ginagirl hope4cure

    Posted

    Sad really ..people should have more tolerence.. Me being a Nurse made me much more tolerant of things i guess..but I like to think i helped him ..as he helped me with many DIY jobs over the marriage years, was very good at it.. but the Emotional side was not very forthcoming. and left me giving and not getting back..in the end my pot was empty No energy left. Rock Bottom..
    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 Ginagirl

      Posted

      Yes it is sad. But people are selfish. They wont hang around if it is not fun or excitement or to suit them. My friend was a nurse and I often wondered how she coped with that because now she cannot cope with making ordinary small decisions and it takes her ages to do a simple thing.
    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 Ginagirl

      Posted

      Yes Dawn. She tld me that she had to leave her job becasue of a sort of breakdown and exhaustion. She won't go into details and you get different verisions on different days.Likewise she talks about how she does not get on with some of her neighbours so wants to move, yet the same thing happenedbefore where she did not get on with neighbours and she moved to here. She cannot see that it is because of how she is and the same thing would happen again wherever she moves to.
    • Ginagirl
      Ginagirl carmel83758

      Posted

      I dont think its fair to judge her then really is it.. I am suprised she was a Nurse with Asperger's as you have to be pretty much up to speed in that job. People without Asperger's have problems with neighbour's so thats a bit unfair to pin on her. I dont have it and I had problems with Neighbour's for years and they gossiped and actually were the ruin of most of what I had..Criminal.
    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 Ginagirl

      Posted

      Wel from what I can gather Dawn she had a habit of starting arguments with neighbours and if they were male she would sort of stalki them and get too keen on them and make a nuisance of herself. But you are right we should not judge and we are not perfect. Sorry you had problems with neigbours. I have had a problem with neighbours too. And like you say we are not people with aspergers so it is for other reasons.
    • Ginagirl
      Ginagirl carmel83758

      Posted

      It must be very difficult for some people who dont understand the condition..AS sufferer's are very hard to read .. so anyone she may argue with may find her very strange indeed.. But if she was making a nuisance of herself staking and showing keeness toward someone is that not a kind of emotion? something many AS sufferers dont appear to have  much of?
    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 Ginagirl

      Posted

      Yes I understand what you mean. But I studied aspergers after I met this friend and wanted to work out if this was her problem and it all fitted. She has feelings but she is totally unable to pick up what is often obvous to others.

      So - for example, if a plumber is talking to her about coming over to do her radiator and they get fed up with her wanting a long ramble about how busy she is and hang up she cannot see that they hung or or why they hung up. She believes the phone call was cut short or something. Likewise if tghey come over and get fed up with how she is and dont come back she cannot see it is because of how she is.

    • Ginagirl
      Ginagirl carmel83758

      Posted

      Yes I get your point on the phone call ..hard to assess where the mood of the caller is going and expression in a voice..a bit like an email being sent sometime is hard to decypher without expression and very often can be ambiguous ..My daughter hates phones and has a phobia of answering the phone.. I think she maybe borderline AS she has taken the test but shows result of 26 I have a result of 18.. interesting
    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 Ginagirl

      Posted

      I can figure out by a voice or manner in email or phone. And to me it is just common sense that if a person is busy they wont bother to spend ages sorting out whether they come at 3 pm or 4 pm. They will just go elsewhere.
    • Ginagirl
      Ginagirl carmel83758

      Posted

      But to her the Sufferer of AS there is a problem ..people are just too busy like you say and have little time or Patience to help these days.. ttfn to bed me thinks.
    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 Ginagirl

      Posted

      Yes. And they are not going to spend hours on the phohne unpaid when they can be paid to work for someone else in taht time. To them it means giving her three times the amount of time she is paying for. And you cannot blame them.
    • hope4cure
      hope4cure Ginagirl

      Posted

      That is a issue in many cases.. Yet I don't experience that all the time. Occasionally he shows great kindness, compassion and love.

       

    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 hope4cure

      Posted

      My friend is the same. When she starts to lecture me about something though ! Urgh. She gets on her soap box and goes on for ages repeating herself, and very often it maks no sense at all. It can be very critical or argumentative.

      Last year she visited me in DECEMBER when it was freezing outside and went on and on about how I should not have the central heating on because it wuld make my dogs too hot and insisted I was making them ill by heating the house up etc.

    • hope4cure
      hope4cure carmel83758

      Posted

      That's always the case.. And there is little one can do but be there for them..

      u r a good friend to her and she is very luck to have u.

      thanks for UR reply.

    • hope4cure
      hope4cure carmel83758

      Posted

      Many more people could just show some small tiny bit of patience with a loving look in their eupyes and mindful that everyone is different. 

      Different doesn't have to be a stigma society has out a lable on. 

      Labels r for people who have no interest in moving in a different place othersdo once in awhile.

      CHEERS

    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 hope4cure

      Posted

      Yes. But they probably think that if it were their own loved one they would be patient but when it is someone else's loved one they do not need to or want to. We choose our partner and we choose our friends but we don't choose the partner's family and friends and dont have to be nice to them.
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