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overcome with grief about euthanasia please help

Posted , 5 users are following.

katekate013
katekate013

3 days ago we put our beloved cat down. He was 15 1/2 but started sleeping a lot and had been drinking water from our glasses beside the bed. He stopped eating one day and so we took him to the vet with the news it was pretty bad kidney disease. I feel so bad because i should have taken him to the vet months ago for a check up..but he seemed happy until the last few weeks he was very whingy. I am so guilt ridden because i would get angry at him for meowing so much. The poor little man was just trying to tell us something wasn't right! We got him an anti nausea injection and the vet recommended to put him down the next day. My partner didn't want to put him on IV fluids in a hospital because he didn't want that stress for him. We slept with him in the lounge room that night and gave him as much love as possible. we put him down the next day. The poor little thing was so confused and limp. I keep thinking that we could have saved him! It was too quick and we didn't even try to help him.  it could have helped!? I am suffering so much sadness and guilt. I want my beautiful cat back and its too late....I can't stop crying

0 likes, 23 replies

23 Replies

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  • LynQ
    LynQ katekate013

    Posted

    Hello,

    I'm really sad to hear that the cat you love so much has had to be put to sleep.  You mustn't blame yourselves though.  I work for Cats Protection and am coordinator one of their branches in the south of england. I also have kidney disease Stage 4.  I can tell you that kidney disease cannot be cured in cats only sometimes delayed if cats are given medication from a young age and older cats are particularly vulnerable.  Sadly there is not a great deal that could have been done.  Your cat  has lived very much longer than average.  151/2 is a very good age for a cat.  He has also received a lot of love and had a very happy life with you.  I wish that more cats got this.  Remember all the happy moments and don't blame yourselves for what is a natural process of ageing.

    • katekate013
      katekate013 LynQ

      Posted

      Thank you so much Lyn, your words are a comfort to me. I am so sorry that you have kidney disease yourself and will send you some loving energy from Australia to get through the hardship of this disease.

      Thank you. Thank you.

  • KenR
    KenR katekate013

    Posted

    Hi Kate,

    I don't think you should be blaming yourself, but try to think of the 151/2 good years that you had together.  KIdney failure is a common end for an old cat I'm afraid.  It is best when their quality of life has gone not to put them through complicated procedures.  I think you did what was best and it is not wrong to grieve for a much loved animal.  The worst days of my life have been when one of my dogs has had to be 'put to sleep'!  I feel for you!

    KenR

    • katekate013
      katekate013 KenR

      Posted

      Thank you Ken, It just happend so quickly. To say goodbye. I am now feeling like I will enjoy the memories and try not to blame myself. Thank you for responding and your kind words. It helps.
    • KenR
      KenR

      Posted

      Hi Kate,

      This forum is populated by many understanding members who are well able to sympathise with multiple problems.  It was easy to recognise that the post might have been placed elsewhere.  If one cannot make a helpful suggestion then it is best to keep quiet, not knowing the full circumstances!  There is no shortage of helpful and understanding people on this forum!

    • katekate013
      katekate013 KenR

      Posted

      Hi Ken,

      Your understanding and sympathy have been so helpful to me. I have never used a forum before, and the kind words that have come from stranges have helped my grief. Immensly. Just to be heard.

      Thank you

    • KenR
      KenR katekate013

      Posted

      Hi Kate,

      I think we all owe help to others and there is no doubt that we all benefit from giving it.  So dont take awkward comment to heart - understanding is the important thing!

  • susannah74731
    susannah74731 katekate013

    Posted

    I was so staggered by the insensitivity of your post that I had to read it a number of times before I could believe you were seriously talking about a cat with kidney disease on a patient discussion group which is used by people with end stage kidney failure whose lives have been devastated by it. I thought it was a bad joke at first!
    • LynQ
      LynQ susannah74731

      Posted

      I think that's a little harsh. We are all creatures on this earth.  Who is to judge whom we love or grieve for when they die?

    • katekate013
      katekate013 susannah74731

      Posted

      Hi Susannah,

      I am truly sorry to have posted this in this section. I actually googled grief about euthanasia with cat forum and this forum came up. Someone posted about thier cat on this site and I now realise it was in the depression section. I really wasn't thinking clearly through my grief. This month i have also lost a baby at 9 weeks. I am 40 and might not be able to concieve. 10 mins before I went in for a proceedure to remove the dead fetus, i fould out that my cat needed to be put down. My partner also suffers BPD (borderline personality disorder) and has been suicidal many times. Our cat was a source of great comfort, his purring would calm my partner down in the most desperate of times. It is such a journey and our cat was the most calm and constant thing in our lives. I myself have thought there is something terribly wrong with me to be so overwhelmed and desperate about the death of our cat. I should have posted this in the depression section. I don't mean to negate your pain and suffering. I am so sorry.

    • LynQ
      LynQ katekate013

      Posted

      Dear Kate,

      You poor dear!  You ave been through such a lot lately.  I do hope things improve for you.  I had a similar loss of a child when I was 40.  It had taken a long time to get pregnant and I thought I might not be able to conceive again.  However, I had a lovely daughter.  She is 33 now and has  her own children.  I hope this can happen for you.

      There is quite a lot of research om the effects on health of having a cat as companion. Stroking cats can lower your blood pressure and make people feel less stressed.  Maybe one day you will be able to give an unwanted cat a loving home.  There are many people on this forum and the support many offer is compassionate and helpful. I hope you find the strength to deal with all that has happened to you. 

    • katekate013
      katekate013 LynQ

      Posted

      Dear Lyn,

      Yes, I guess I have been through a bit lately. After Susannah posted I wrote the words to try and explain to her about my mistake and situation. And that helped me. I realised that I had been going through so much and have had to be strong for so long. I have had to always hold the fort. I thought I was so strong. Until this. I didn't realise how much love and energy the cat gave me and I gave to him.

      Thank you for sharing that you had a similar experience with the loss of a child. I am so glad that you have a family around you now.

      Maybe one day I will give an unwanted cat a loving home.

      Through this forum, I have been able to start healing.

      Thank you  Thank you

  • helen54849
    helen54849 katekate013

    Posted

    Hello,

    So sorry to hear about the loss of your little kitty, as an animal lover myself I know we have them in our lives so long they become like family members and this is how it should be.  I would be worried if you were not upset.  I was also saddened to read that you had lost your precious baby, as a parent myself this would be heartbreaking. You are also supporting a loved one with mental health issues so I would say you are a pretty strong lady wouldn't you agree if you have a think about it.  I have gone through all of the stages of kidney failure and dialsysi and also transplant so kidney disease and you don't usually feel pain unless there are other issues so for your comfort just think kitty wasn't in pain.  I don't think the site actually specifies you have to post about people, I may be wrong but do you know what you are going through a really difficult time and you are reaching out for a bit of human compasion and support so if you get that on here I am glad you posted and I wish you all the best for the future xx

    • katekate013
      katekate013 helen54849

      Posted

      Hi Helen,

      Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. It is incredible that people on this forum have given their compassion towards me when they themselves are or have suffered so much themselves. It is that beautiful feeling/energy from others that helps so much and is so valuable in the world. Just like Ken said.

      I would like to donate to a kidney foundation/research as something i can give back. Can you ...or others let me know which is a good organisation to do this.

      Again Thank you.

    • helen54849
      helen54849 katekate013

      Posted

      Hi,

      If you google them there are a couple, if I put it on here they may get deleted by the moderators as there are certain things you cannot post, I know some links are deleted.  I did a walk when I was on dialysis and raised money for walking with the wounded which helps ex servicemen and women. I did this as my husband is ex forces and I know how in they are. You see you can give to any charity to bring value, I want to walk up snowden for air ambulance when my leg will let me.  Neither of the above mentioned have any government funding you see and I think my firend did a kind thing for me with no benefit for her (I had one of her kidneys) I was helped so I want to help others and it doesn't need to be people like me just those who are in need like I was.  My walk was fun it took ages and I did it with a friend who has various heath issues but we did it (Slept for 2 days after but we tried and acheived what we set out to do)  Never lose hope either for the things you want most in your life. x

    • katekate013
      katekate013 helen54849

      Posted

      Thanks Helen,

      Thats wonderful that you give to to those other charities. It sounds amazing what you have done and will do. My 76 year old mother voluteers her time in a womens refuge, and she and the women she helps benefit greatly. Although the many sad stories it is worthwhile in its entirety. I will never lose hope Helen and strive to help others along the way. Thank you x

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