Overwhelmed by negative thoughts first thing in the morning.

Hi,

Thank you for responding, yes I have been on three different ADs. The first time, my GP put me on lexapro for anxiety and panic attacks. He decided after a couple of years that I could stop taking it. About six years later I found everything (anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, social problems) too much to cope with and a different GP put me on effexor and mirtazapine. I did feel some positive effects, but the negative one's were too much and I stopped them both after a couple of years (I tapered the doses properly). I don't want to be on medication indefinitely, the idea makes me feel very dejected. I have found cbt helpful, I'm nowhere near as bad as I have been, but still not fully recovered.

Hi, it looks like your ADs don't really help you. Pharmacogenetic analysis determines how effective the medicine is for you and all possible side effects. You could talk to your doctor about this. Besides, a few sessions of psychotherapy combined with the right medicines would make you feel much better.

Hi Margusha,

They did help in some ways, for example my anxiety was almost like a normal persons (while taking them). But after stopping them the anxiety returned and the depression deepened. I have had psychotherapy and it has helped (I was in a daily panic, considering self harm, and suffered frequent migraines at my lowest). Your suggestion sounds interesting, I will do some research, thank you for the advice.

You are welcome. It would do no harm if you get the testing done. I am sure there's no point experimenting with your body. And should be treated by combining medicines and psychotherapy, so why not to continue your psychotherapy sessions?

Well, to answer your last sentence, depression makes it difficult to do the things that you objectively know might help you. The therapist I was referred to by my GP (choosing one for myself would have cost too much) was located in a place that was tricky for me to get to, and some of the things which we discussed were hard to talk about. I ended up feeling like it wasn't helping and that I was just doomed to be a failure. Reading this makes me realise that it was depression creating negative thoughts about the counselling process not helping me enough, about my counsellor thinking I was an idiot, I just saw the whole thing as something else to be depressed about.

Yes that makes sense. I've always had low self esteem, I've never been a truly confident person, and I've always been a fearful person.

When the first debilitating experience of anxiety hit me I was studying, working at a stressful (but tedious) part time job and someone close to me developed a terminal condition. I also put a lot of faith in finding friends at my course (I'd been an isolated child), but discovered to my dismay that I was surrounded by many fake social climbers. When I started studying I was very happy as it had been my ambition from early childhood.

My current bout is possibly because I can't shake the belief that my life has gone down the toilet, it's been a decade since I graduated and I feel trapped, going nowhere. I work but I'm not fulfilling my potential. I know logically that I have so much to be grateful for, and that many people struggle with life, but I suppose I can't forgive myself for being what I consider a failure. It's like a mobius strip of self loathing; I think badly of myself, then I cringe at my self pity, then I feel even worse.  

Yes this all makes sense.  I have similar effects from anti deps.  I have always had low self esteem its just worse now.  My body is extremely sensitive to these meds so i am almost off them but the anxiety and depression are returning.  Some people say that when you come off these the symptoms get worse before they get better.  Is this what is happening?

Hello Ann,

Perhaps, it's been 14 months since I stopped taking all medications completely. I feel a bit confused, no GP has ever told me for certain how I will react, I've always gotten the impression that treating these conditions is trial and error. I wish there was more certainty. 

Thank you.

can you say whether you feel any better at all since stopping these?  Even though you are not completely back to normal, do you feel the effects leaving slowly

I swing up and down. My anxiety is there most of the time, but it doesn't get a very strong grip on me, it's like a whispering demon that is annoying but not alarming. I still don't react well to sudden change though.

I am starting to sleep better which really helps, when you're sleep deprived it's like having your legs kicked out from under you in term of mental state. The low mood comes and goes too. I have also returned to a healthy weight after gaining too much on the last combination of ADs. Overall I would say I have improved. How are you coping with it?

I am still anxious since dropping mirtaz lower. Did you find that lessened after a period of time.

Yes, but frustratingly it still can rise. Especially if I have a lot of negative thoughts, or if I'm tired.

Thanks hypercat. It's like all my defences are down when I'm trying to wake up. 

 

I am terrible on wake up. Soon as brain kicks in i lie and moan like a child, then i make myself sit up and use computer to distract.  Once had breakfast still feel awful.  I am coming off mirtazapine and have to use diazepam for the anxiety.  I am also retired but still the anxiety hits.  Are you taking any anti dep? You are right thatnby evening i can feel better but its been four years of this, trying other meds, all my body doesnt like.  What can i do next. Listen to meditation cds, tried breathing techniques, over 30cbt sessions.  Still not better.  Maybe i need a different a.d. but nothing suits me havin tried so many, even psych is a bit baffled.

One thing I used to do in the morning when I got fed up of the circular argument in my head of should I go to work or call in sick.  Going through reasons to call in sick etc. and hassle I would get from it versus the hassle of having to get moving was to tell my feet to move.  This circumvented for a moment my mind going round and round and as long as I got up straightaway I was able to go into work.  It sounds silly but it worked well for me!  x

Did you use an anti dep to get better?