Overwhelming Negative Thoughts
Posted , 83 users are following.
Hi Everyone! So I have had anxiety issues since I was a kid but this last year or two has been the worst it's ever been for me. I find myself always reverting back to my negative thinking ways. I haven't seen a therapist or a professional because frankly I can't afford it and I always end up chickening out when I do find a somewhat affordable place.
I've been researching a lot about different anxiety disorders and I'm most relatable to that of OCD and I definitely feel I have depression as well. I'm sorry if my post is a little excessive but I find that even writing it all down, gives me some relief of all the stress I feel. I would really love any feedback and any type of help you could all give me.
I am constantly making myself feel like I'm a bad person. I have a lot of negative thoughts running through my mind on a daily basis. I will bring up bad memories from the past of things that I did wrong or when I had made bad judgements. It's really hard for me to try and move on from past mistakes. I am always saying in my head, "I should of did this" and "why didn't I do that instead." I beat myself up over things I can't change. I notice that anytime there is something that is going good for me, I will find reasons why I don't deserve it or why I'm not worthy of having it in my life.
I also have panic attacks when driving alone. I always worry that I hit someone or something and didn't realize it or notice. I turn the radio down real low so that I can hear every noise just in case. I get so nervous and worried that I will check my car a bunch of times just to see if there's any type of damage or difference. I think the worst if I feel a bump or hear any type of ding.
I think the biggest thing that triggers my anxiety disorder is my fear of how people perceive me to be. I really need reassurance from others in order to feel like I'm doing things right or that I'm a good person. Everything I do or say in front of people, I analyze. I try and figure out what they are thinking and how they are judging me. I just want everyone To like me and think I'm a good person. I try to relate to everyone so that they have a positive view of me. I am always in fear of people getting the wrong idea or misinterpreting something I said and in doing so, they think I'm a terrible person.
I also get really stressed out whenever I go into stores because I get worried that the people working there will think me or the person I'm with is trying to shoplift. I will as far as buying something I don't even really want just so that they don't think I went there just to steal something.
When leaving the house, I go over everything in my head and if I'm not sure whether I locked, shut or turned something off before I left, I worry the entire time something will happen to my dogs while I'm away because of it. Like if I don't make it apparent that I checked all candles were blown out, then I will just worry that my house will burn down with my dogs in it.
There is a lot more that goes on in my head but I don't want to over load you guys in just one post. I am hoping that some of you can relate to any of the issues and can give me some advice as to what helps you. It can be so isolating living with an anxiety disorder because I know I keep these thoughts to myself since I know no one else in my life can understand what I'm going through. I avoid a lot of the things I love because they trigger my OCD thoughts and it just makes me so stressed and depressed. I want to be able to control my thoughts and just be happy.
Thanks for taking the time to read my long post and I look forward to hearing anything you have to say about it.
21 likes, 74 replies
peter_22733 mary18945
Posted
Mary, i too suffer ocd and intrusive thoughts. it also brings on depression. You are most definitely not alone. My thoughts scare the crap out of me and disturb me. i feel so desperate sometimes that i cannot escape the thoughts. They dominate my mind.
i know you are reluctant to try medication but it maybe worth giving it a try. Please see a professional, if you can't afford it, an NHS mental health psychiatrist who can put you on the right path. Don't suffer alone in silence. i know because i'm in a very dark place too. OCD/intrusive thoughts/depression is one of the worst things you can suffer from.
best wishes. peter
zeshan07204 mary18945
Posted
I have suffered from anxiety all my life not knowing it was anxiety until a few years ago. The issue I deal with is negative thoughts which become obsessions. Everyday day issues become so stressful and a an obsession for example if I have an issue with an internet provider that thought will just bombard me and create this intense anxiety. The fear of how to handle the situation or, how do I handle this disrupts normal thinking and becomes a fear constant thinking. This impedes daily activities and my family does not understand the severity of the situation. I have tried certain techniques which have certainly improved the thought process but, if I get into a situation which does not go my way I get super stressed and then the thoughts begin and from there it's just downhill. I would like to thank everyone for sharing indeed it grants a ray of hope that one day I shall conquer these thoughts and live normally.
peter_22733 zeshan07204
Posted
please try CBT from a qualified therapist.
lyana95829 mary18945
Posted
While I'm reading this I'm crying because some of the things that you said I'm going through and this depression and anxiety is messing my up my relationship and I hate this feeling and he thinks that I can just get rid of it like that he don't understand how this effects me 😭😂😭😭
mogayaare mary18945
Posted
Hello Mary18945,
You posted this 3 years ago and I hope you've found positive outlets and ways to make you feel better about anxiety since then. In all honesty, I have the same thing you have. Probably even magnified a little in certain places, but also different in others. It's called being a human..it's called being normal. The brain is truly a fascinating thing and what I've found is that rather than pushing these thoughts away, to accept them for all their individuality, to note the especially weird, funny, dispicable or helpful ones and move on. Tomorrow we might not be here. In 100 we certainly won't. As a matter of fact, there's no evidence to prove that you did not perish the day following your post...and so I should stop writing this and I wish you all the best. Cheers,
cbrott mary18945
Posted
randy64390 mary18945
Posted
Hello, I have not read the comments yet so hopefully I'm not repeating what's been said multiple times. I have the exact same problems, it was honestly startling the way you explained it because it sounds like me talking. I have been through a lot of crap because of it. I have recently made a lot of progress though, I have learned what causes me to have these thoughts, and have learned that it's not entirely a bad thing if you can learn to use it to your advantage. Are you relatively intelligent? Good with concepts and wish that people just knew how much you really do care and like them but somehow it never works out like that. If this all sounds crazy I'm sorry,,,, see that's me worrying about what you are going to think about me haha well let me know if you want more info about what I have learned.
mads52438 mary18945
Posted
Hey! I know this is an old thread so I doubt anybody will see this, but I have the same kind of thing going on. I've had social anxiety for a long time, I think since I was at least 6 years old. And it's affected me before, but never to greatly. Once I went to college things got harder, a lot harder. I keep thinking about my possible career choice and what if I don't like it? Will I be able to switch? How will I be able to interview for a job? Will my coworkers like me? Will I fail in life? Will I have to go to a mental institution? Will I ever get a boyfriend, get married, have kids? It's just been hard lately and it sucks I wish I didn't have to deal with it, but I know God knows I can handle it. Most of the time I can forget about it for a couple days but the thoughts always come back and it's just not fun. I wish I could just stop worrying about everything, and I really wish I just didn't have social anxiety anymore. I never thought too much of my anxiety because it never affected me this much before, but like I said it's been a lot harder lately.
mads52438
Posted
Mary, I wish I could help you with your problem because trust me I'd love to be able to have the answer for stopping negative thoughts, not just for myself but for everyone else. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I know people just toss that phrase around sometimes, but I seriously would not wish this on my worst enemy. I just wish I could help everyone going through anything close to what we're going through.
randy64390 mads52438
Posted
I recommend reading a book called the untethered soul by Michael Singer. It helps you understand why you have the thoughts you have and gives you strategies for controlling them. I have struggled with social anxiety my whole life, I have quit multiple jobs dropped out of college and mostly due to my anxiety. This book has seriously helped me.
lono48581 mads52438
Posted
You are right. It is the worst kind pain a human being can ever experience; and i pray to God that people who have never felt it, will not in their life for it is hell, hell exists; but i am you and you are me, we are not alone. We can take some comfort in that; even just knowing we're not alone and talking it out with each other does help, nothing is permeant and like all things this too will pass. Believe in that.