Panic attack at work
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Okay guys....here it goes. I've been at the same "dead end" job for almost 7 years. I'm in management at a tanning salon. How I got here is a longer story. Didn't expect to stay this long. I know what you're thinking. How can a tanning salon job be stressful. For the most part, it's not. It's my boss that is triggering part of my anxiety, I learned that yesterday. He's ALWAYS in a foul mood. Always negative. Always angry and at a war with someone. Anyways let's go back to yesterday.
Seemingly boring day. Checking customers in and out. Laughing with them. Joking with them. It's a small business and I've had some of the same customers for almost 7 years. Which is one of the main reasons I stay. I love my customers. (Most of them). Every day, when my boss gets here, I can feel my anxiety peak. Yesterday was different. He got here around 12:00. We open at 10. I was fine up until that point. He started getting bent out of shape and complaining about a bill, about a hamburger, about his brother (that's another story), asking me for reports...etc. Nothing out of the ordinary. I'm used to him complaining all the time. I can usually ignore it. However, he walked to the back and came back up to me and I felt my body tense up. My heart rate shot up to 105bpm, my eyesight became blurry, I started hyperventilating, and the tears just started falling. I couldn't calm myself. He kept asking "what can I do to help" to which I held up my shaky pointer finger to him basically saying "hang on a second" and just kept saying "shhhh shhhh shhhh"....trying to get him to just not talk for a second. I bent over, put my hands on my legs, and tried to breathe through it. Once he walked away, I went and locked myself in the bathroom and splashed water on my face and my neck. I finally got my breathing under control and started calming down (took about 10 minutes).
I wobbled back up to the front because my legs were pretty much jello, and I sat down. He knows I've been having panic attacks. I've been logging them now so I know if there's any sort of pattern. This is the first time i've had a full blown attack at work. I know what you are probably thinking, it's a very hostile environment, it didn't used to be. But lately (probably the past year) it's gotten harder and harder to get out of bed because I don't know the problems he's going to bring with him or what he's going to be angry about. I don't want to leave. I used to love my job and I still love most of my customers. We've all bonded. I love the girls that I manage. I'm kind of a mama duck to them. I protect them and give them advice when needed. That's what kind of person I am. However, I don't know exactly how to tell my boss to "calm it down" and to basically quit complaining about EVERYTHING. I know all about his family. Who his family is dating, about their divorces, he overshares everything. But lately, it's just gotten to me. I don't know what to do anymore.
Basically my question is, I am still on the citalopram 20mg (4 weeks today). I take the .5 of clonezepam when needed...will the citalopram eventually calm me down enough to where I can handle my boss? I don't want to leave because I don't know that he can handle this place without me. I have been here since 3 months after we opened. I have had interviews in the past with the thought of getting out of here. But when it comes down to it, I haven't wanted to leave because I don't want to tick him off. I don't want to upset him or leave the place that i've basically helped build up. I can't even imagine leaving my customers. Any advice would be appreciated...Is there any way I can talk to him and tell him basically to shut up and stop complaining and triggering my anxiety?
0 likes, 31 replies
lisalisa67 Ashley2016
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lisalisa67
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Lol he is probably in disguise on another forum talking about his issues. Imagine. If he isnt maybe he should then he would shut up and let you do your job in peace😊
Ashley2016 lisalisa67
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Hahaha Lisa. Surprisingly he is on buspar....i'd say it isn't working. It's hard to be around miserable people especially when they do dump all their drama on you and complain about literally everything. My dad has always told me that there's some people who'd complain if they got hung with a new rope. It's never made sense to me until the past year. He could win the lottery and still have things to complain about. That's a very good approach to it though. Telling him basically I care so much that it leaves me anxious. I just don't know if it'll set in and he'll quit. I do know that if he doesn't stop and I have more attacks at work, I will eventually have to leave. Because I'm now realizing that I need to take care of me first and everyone else second. I've always put myself on the back burner. I love to help people. But I need to help me first. Thank you Lisa for responding and for making me smile
Ashley2016 lisalisa67
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Hahaha that wouldn't surprise me!!! He needs to just shut up. LOL! But there's no nice way to say that to him. He did call earlier to tell me he'd be here in a bit and started in and I told him straight up "look I can't handle negativity. I need to be calm and be at peace. Thinking about (this certain problem) is raising my anxiety. So just handle it yourself". He said "Is it my tone of voice"...it very well could be. However, I just need calm at work.
lisalisa67 Ashley2016
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lisalisa67
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lisalisa67
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lisalisa67
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Ashley2016 lisalisa67
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borderriever Ashley2016
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Ask the boss if He would like a coffee etc and talk with Him like that. Possibly he may be suffering Anxiety.Just be calm, if your are both seated over a drink it may calm the situation
BOB
Ashley2016 borderriever
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That's a very good idea Bob. Thank you again. Also, you remember how I told you I was getting my thyroid checked? Well I got my results back today and all is normal with my thyroid. The only other thing that they said was that my good cholesterol was too low. I didn't even know that was a possibility. Is there anyway that could be linked to my high anxiety and panic attacks??
borderriever Ashley2016
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BOB
Ashley2016 borderriever
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Not at all. I eat like crap, exercise once in a blue moon, etc. I didn't realize cholesterol could be too low...I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this. When they called they said "hey ashley its kristen at access. we need you to come in to discuss your blood test results"...I go to a clinic and it costs $50 each time I go on top of the $25 a month I pay. No way I could afford $100 this week to go talk to them. I have an appointment on Friday. When she said that I needed to come in to discuss my results, but couldn't over the phone, I went into panic mode and basically started crying on the phone and she told me everything on the phone and they told me that I still need to come in on Friday and they will go over my options. I had to take .25 of clonezepam at work to calm down. I'm going home early today to relax and meditate.
Ashley2016
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I need to edit that...I do eat pretty healthy most of the time. However, I eat A LOT. My job is a very active job. I'm always up moving around. I rarely sit down. I'm a busy body. So that's why I don't understand any of this. Maybe i'm overwhelming myself. Who knows. Have you ever heard of taking magnesium and vitamin B for panic attacks? I was discussing it with my mom and she recommended it. She is very prone to attacks as well.
borderriever Ashley2016
Posted
Sorry you are going through this, in the UK w have a different system.
I undrstand they have started a new health system in the USA. OBAMA CARE has that not helped you over in the States get free treatment.
BOB
Ashley2016 borderriever
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Yeah I don't have insurance of any kind. Because the deductible on the lowest type of obamacare was 12 grand for me. I make too much to get it free but make too little to get an affordable plan. But I go to a clinic...they're nice. I should have insurance through my husbands job on September 26th. So that'll definitely be helpful.
borderriever Ashley2016
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There is no safety net, I thought the new system helped your society get some form of free treatment ?
That sounds really bad, roll on Sept 26
All the best, keep a hold
BOB
Ashley2016 borderriever
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It does help some. And I qualify for a subsidy of 120 a month, but the deductible being so high, I'd have to pay the first 12k out of pocket...then they'd pay the rest. I'm ready to have health insurance to get to the bottom of all this!