Posted , 3 users are following.
Okay guys....here it goes. I've been at the same "dead end" job for almost 7 years. I'm in management at a tanning salon. How I got here is a longer story. Didn't expect to stay this long. I know what you're thinking. How can a tanning salon job be stressful. For the most part, it's not. It's my boss that is triggering part of my anxiety, I learned that yesterday. He's ALWAYS in a foul mood. Always negative. Always angry and at a war with someone. Anyways let's go back to yesterday.
Seemingly boring day. Checking customers in and out. Laughing with them. Joking with them. It's a small business and I've had some of the same customers for almost 7 years. Which is one of the main reasons I stay. I love my customers. (Most of them). Every day, when my boss gets here, I can feel my anxiety peak. Yesterday was different. He got here around 12:00. We open at 10. I was fine up until that point. He started getting bent out of shape and complaining about a bill, about a hamburger, about his brother (that's another story), asking me for reports...etc. Nothing out of the ordinary. I'm used to him complaining all the time. I can usually ignore it. However, he walked to the back and came back up to me and I felt my body tense up. My heart rate shot up to 105bpm, my eyesight became blurry, I started hyperventilating, and the tears just started falling. I couldn't calm myself. He kept asking "what can I do to help" to which I held up my shaky pointer finger to him basically saying "hang on a second" and just kept saying "shhhh shhhh shhhh"....trying to get him to just not talk for a second. I bent over, put my hands on my legs, and tried to breathe through it. Once he walked away, I went and locked myself in the bathroom and splashed water on my face and my neck. I finally got my breathing under control and started calming down (took about 10 minutes).
I wobbled back up to the front because my legs were pretty much jello, and I sat down. He knows I've been having panic attacks. I've been logging them now so I know if there's any sort of pattern. This is the first time i've had a full blown attack at work. I know what you are probably thinking, it's a very hostile environment, it didn't used to be. But lately (probably the past year) it's gotten harder and harder to get out of bed because I don't know the problems he's going to bring with him or what he's going to be angry about. I don't want to leave. I used to love my job and I still love most of my customers. We've all bonded. I love the girls that I manage. I'm kind of a mama duck to them. I protect them and give them advice when needed. That's what kind of person I am. However, I don't know exactly how to tell my boss to "calm it down" and to basically quit complaining about EVERYTHING. I know all about his family. Who his family is dating, about their divorces, he overshares everything. But lately, it's just gotten to me. I don't know what to do anymore.
Basically my question is, I am still on the citalopram 20mg (4 weeks today). I take the .5 of clonezepam when needed...will the citalopram eventually calm me down enough to where I can handle my boss? I don't want to leave because I don't know that he can handle this place without me. I have been here since 3 months after we opened. I have had interviews in the past with the thought of getting out of here. But when it comes down to it, I haven't wanted to leave because I don't want to tick him off. I don't want to upset him or leave the place that i've basically helped build up. I can't even imagine leaving my customers. Any advice would be appreciated...Is there any way I can talk to him and tell him basically to shut up and stop complaining and triggering my anxiety?
0 likes, 31 replies