Panic attack at work

Thank you Phil for your comment. I do sometimes feel like it's time to move on to other things but I let the guilt of leaving stop me. I've been at this job since I was 22 so I guess it's just in my comfort zone if that makes any sense. But yes I agree that I have no other choice but to talk to him. I'm still trying to figure out my triggers for my attacks and it turns out that he is one. Lol. As bad as that sounds. I'm just trying to stay as positive as possible and it's hard to be around the negative. I will approach him in a calm manner as you said letting him know it's not him, it's the comments and anger that triggers my anxiety and some panic attacks. Thank you again!

Your very welcome. Today I was queuing in Barclay's and one of their bank clerks was having a slightly heated conversation with a man whose understanding of English wasn't great. But her tone of voice was quite defensive and I believed she could have dealt with the man better. Anyway I suddenly realised I was feeling tense and it was because of the conversation. I pondered a while as to why this was affecting me and I realised it was because I wanted a good resolution to their encounter. I also realised that this was the same feeling I had when my dad used to shout at my mum.

So I thought how can I feel calm again. I thought about each others intentions, really the man just wanted to sort out his finances and the clerk wanted the man to listen better or get a translator. Both had good intentions and then I thought in the end this matter will be sorted and both people will move on with their lives. It made me feel calmer because I added a safe and realistic resolution on the end. Normally I'd be critical of the woman cos of her tone but I forced myself to be

Humane.

I get the guilt thing with ur boss. But honestly, he will manage if u decide to go. After all he is the boss.

Hope ur day was better.

Wow....Isn't that amazing how we can react like that? I would get the exact same feeling. That's how I get when he's upset about something. Almost like I feed on his negative energy and get frustrated along with him. Good job at calming yourself and thinking logically about the situation! I would have felt so uncomfortable I'd probably run out of there screaming. Lol. As a child and teenager I grew up with a mom who had a very short fuse. I remember so many times at grocery stores or restaurants or wherever that if something or someone wasn't doing as she liked, she would blow up on them. In public. It would absolutely humiliate me. I remember a few times being in the Walmart checkout line and she would present a coupon of some sort, and sometimes if it was expired or had small fine print on it, the cashier would reject the coupon. My mom would begin yelling and chewing out the cashier. She made quite a few people cry because of the way she would belittle them and yell. Even though the cashier was doing her job. One time I was trying to rent a video and I couldn't because we had late fees. My mom stormed in there and started yelling at her. I hated going anywhere with her because I'd always feel humiliated and embarrassed by the way she was acting. I i never knew what would set her off. She's still like that to this day, but we don't have a close relationship anymore and she lives a state away. Maybe my boss brings back those feelings when he's freaking out about something. I've never even thought about all that until now. But it does make sense.

I know I can't make him change. But if he doesn't cut it out, I will find another job. And he will have to accept that. Thank you Phil and I'm so proud that you kept your cool in that situation.

Ashley maybe your boss is just really annoying and its not from a past experience. He too is dealing with mental illness himself. Rememeber he is on buspar. He whines and complains non stop. It can get on anyones nerves. The initial fear for you would be more related to how it effects you and your job. Maybe you got scared if you didnt listen to his crap it would effect your position or job. And truely it is annoying. I have been in that kind of situation just not where your trapped in a one on one  everyday.  Sit him down and talk to him. He is sensitive and will listen to you..as long  as it comes off kindly.  He needs to feel what you saying to react. Meaning make him question who he is and why does he have this constant need to see everything as an issue or a stressful situation. Make him question this. The. Hell go get stronger meds and wont be such a pain the the butt. Seek it as a challenge for you.  You know how it making you feel..all that bad energy and complaining. He feels it too. Its not healthy. He is known to the non anxiety world as toxic. So id say sit him and down and have a chat. You cant be the only one effected by this. He thinks your his friend so go for it. Kindly. People respond way better to compassion. Dont think you always need to live a oast feeling or emotion sometimes love people are actually damn annoying. There really is no worst case scenario involved cause either you getbthru to him and he calms it sown or you will end of leaving the job..so no worst case scenario exists you might as well go for it. (On a funny humor side have your mom come in a rip him a new assh*le lol that itll send him oh his way)

Ps ..you cant make him change, you can make him aware of his own actions. He will want to change hes sesnsitive. 😉

What I'm hearing is that you care about people a lot.

My dad had a short fuse and would criticise others in the family because we couldnt match up to his high standards. This made me feel a strong sense of right and wrong and if someone was being treated unfairly I would bottle up all this anger cos I was too young to retaliate and show how I felt about this unfair situation.(I am the baby in the family).

To this day I have this Robin hood attitude but a lack of communication skills to deal with these feelings properly.

The thing with your mum is the reason you feel this way today. Habits in the way we think and feel are hard to break but try to feel empowered by this knowledge and try to share it with a good friend. You may find you help someone else.

Knowledge is good at explaining why we do certain things and you are not to blame why you think or feel the way u do.

Dies this make sense, I do tend to go on.

Lisa!! You always bring a smile to my face!! He is very very annoying! He's just a talker...it just gets on my nerves. And I used to be able to handle it but lately with all the negativity, it's just eating at me. I'm to the point to where when he's nagging or complaining about something, I just surf the internet and say "uh huh" over and over. LOL! I used to butt heads with him over it, but I know that's not a good idea anymore and my medicine is keeping me much more calm. I'm still struggling with the idea of talking to him, because he's a very confrontational person and doesn't take criticism very well. So I will have to approach with caution. He needs caution tape around him...haha. Luckily after today, I am off work until Wednesday. Off on weekends, closed labor day, and going on a ride along with my brother on Tuesday. So I'm pretty excited for 4 days off. That never happens! And the mom thing Lisa! OMG! My mom has actually came up here, she moved here for a few months, twice, I tried taking care of her but she's....she's a question mark. Doesn't want to help herself at all. So when she did live here, she visited often and even her strong personality was too strong for him. He walked away from her tons of times. LOL! I need to sick her loose on him. Maybe that would get it through his head that he's annoying!

Phil you make absolute sense to me! I do care about people and love to help anyone and everyone. I hate seeing people in pain. Which is why when my mom moved up here, I dug myself into debt trying to help her in her apartment. Whenever someone calls and needs something, I don't know how to say no. Sometimes people take advantage of it, but I am learning more and more to not let it effect me. Still haven't mastered the art of saying no. I am too the baby of the family. Three older brothers (very protective) so I never ever had to stand up for myself. They were always there to protect me and watch over me. So I do bottle everything up inside until eventually I blow up. My mom blames me for so much, and blames my brothers. When I was 17 she met a man on the internet, left my dad (after 23 years of marriage) and moved out of the house and took me with her. Then when I was 19 she met someone else and moved to another state with him. So I think I have abandonment issues. She wants to move back up here, however, doesn't want to get a job and actually take care of herself. Wants us kids to take care of her. My brothers don't really speak to her anymore, and I barely do. I only hear from her when she runs out of pills (she's a severe hypochondriac and has been convinced for the past 6 years that she has cancer, and has basically been scanned in every part of her body and has had unneccessary surgeries. She's been at 2 different cancer hospitals and both have told her she doesn't have it). Man....just typing all this out, I can see where my issues might stem from. LOL! Sorry for the over share Phil. It's just nice to get some of this out and actually be able to talk to people about things. I hold everything in.

Was just wondering have u ever shared this with anyone in person?

Wow is all I can say. Ur mum just wasn't there for you emotionally. It's no wonder you feel the way you do.

I think your amazing for holding yourself the way you do and continuing to live and work.

You have so much to offer the world and you do already with the relationships you have at work.

The world is a better place cos of you, I know that sounds corny but u make a difference and you have genuine compassion which I believe is so important. I know people think its bad to be too compassionate but I disagree. You can be very compassionate but also draw a line in places.

I think compassion breeds compassion because it makes us feel warm inside. We are all brothers and sisters whatever color, race or creed and the world is a painful enough place to live at times. We need to unite in what links us as human beings not allow greed or power to influence the way we treat others.

Damn I'm on a roll. Lol.

Hey Phil!! Shared with anyone as in my brothers,of course, know and I talk to my dad about it and my best friend but other than that no I don't really share things easily. I keep my guard up pretty much all the time. I will get therapy at some point because of all if it, because I know I have serious issues with her. But even still to this day, I do talk to her and listen when she needs a shoulder to cry on. I personally think she may be bipolar on some level. I know all the negative things she has done seem awful, however she really was a caring person towards her family up until I was 17ish. She turned 43 and just lost it. I wish there was another way to help her but she just thinks everyone else is the problem. Ive never talked to her about the problems i have with her because she's someone who is very hard to arguewith and i crumble with confrontation. So i leave it as it is. Lol. I'm extremely compassionate. I absolutely hate seeing anyone in pain and I help whenever needed. I can't imagine being anyone other than who I am. So maybe all the weight of others I carry on my shoulders has finally caught up with me. Who know. And yes I agree!! We all need to lean on eachother and help in anyway we can. It bums me out with all the violence on the news and people hating eachother. It's so sad to me. I'm finally to the point that I know I have to be selfish to help me first. Then I can go back to being super girl. lol you rock phil!! Thanks for listening!

Your very welcome. I wanna help anyone I can here after myself being the self-absorbed one and having to evaluate who I am really anxiety and all. I'm trying to see if focusing less on me and my anxiety by helping others more might help with the anxiety. It certainly makes your life validated and worthwhile.

You do have to step back sometimes or maybe more often than that. I know I slip back in to silly behaviours when I'm around others and I'm very hard on myself and I'm trying with therapy to turn it round.

Your right its gud not to share with everyone, just those closest.

I'm glad you feel able to get stuff off your chest or share. It can only be a gud thing.

Hope ur day is going well. 😃

Hey Phil! I'm doing much better actually. Been 4 days since I had a panic attack but woke up at midnight and my heart rate was at 118. No idea. Maybe it was a scary dream. I've just had a pounding headache every since. I might have overdone it yesterday. Played with niece and nephew's then went to a birthday party for my friends daughter. Had a horrible stomach ache... Probably from cake icecream and pizza. Lol! Or screaming 6 year olds. Other than that I'm doing good. Want my heart rate to go down. It's at 103 right now. When it gets high like that I panic a bit. But trying not to let it turn into another attack.