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Partner not understanding what i am going through.

Posted , 6 users are following.

Kipper1959
Kipper1959

I have a partner who gets ratty alot and does not understnad what fibromayalgia is all about.  He has the window open all night and the traffic and planes going over head as we are in a flight path and other noises keep me a wake all night.  I tried to explain to him but he gets ratty and tells me to stop moaning.  Which I am not.  I have bags under my eyes and dark circles.  And tired all day.  When I don.t sleep I have been awake all last night.  And have been up and about since 7am.  How do I make him understand without him getting nasty about it.  And then I end up crying as I am now.

1 like, 16 replies

16 Replies

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  • nicola51831
    nicola51831 Kipper1959

    Posted

    Hi kipper, it's very hard to get anyone to understand unless they are going through or have been through the same. My husband don't understand either. He has done a little bit of research but still no joy. I don't think he will ever remotely understand. It's just nice that we have each other on here to talk to about it. It's difficult not only for us but for the people closest to us. Xxxx
  • charlotte1824
    charlotte1824 Kipper1959

    Posted

    How long have you had fibro? My partner was an not good to begin with, he didnt get it and i think he thought i was just making up the issues however over time he has actually become more understanding, he still gets grumpy and if hes having to do everything one day and he is tired he will get the hump but hes much better than he used to be. Theres no sympathy, he becomes more practical but im like that when hes ill too.

    Cant you sleep in seperate bedrooms so you can have the windows how you like? 

    I cant promise your partner will ever be great and he definitely wont ever understand fully but he may slowly thaw to the pain your in. Just remind him you didnt choose this, you dont want this and that one day he may get sick so he needs to think about treating others like he would want to be treated. Perhaps some councelling might help so a mediator can tell him how it is.

    • charlotte1824
      charlotte1824 Kipper1959

      Posted

      Nail the windows shut whilst hes out!!

      Have you been with him for all that time too?

      Im  really sorry for what your going through, I dont know what to suggest except talk to him or try councelling. 

      You can also get a dual control matress topper that can be heated one side or cooled the other side, that might keep him cool enough not to need windows open and give you enough heat to make you comfortable. If you look up chilipad on google you will be able to see what i mean.

       

    • charlotte1824
      charlotte1824

      Posted

      And u can get something called my side partner duvets which have different tog ratings each side so he can be cold and u can be warm
    • Kipper1959
      Kipper1959 charlotte1824

      Posted

      we have been together since 1991.talking no good.  I have given him info to read not bothered.
    • Kipper1959
      Kipper1959

      Posted

      thank you for mattress topper and duvet details will take a look. Lol Nail windows shut they are metal frames.
    • charlotte1824
      charlotte1824 Kipper1959

      Posted

      Get a big thick book about supporting your partner.......then whack him with it!!!! 
    • Kipper1959
      Kipper1959

      Posted

      sent him shopping out of me way.
  • Mens
    Mens Kipper1959

    Posted

    Morning Kipper

    sorry to hear your partner don't understand, think most family members don't, your not alone there,  I've had fibro over 10yrs my ex used to say go to bed rest, I take care of the boys do hse work etc.  Load lies when I would get up hse right mess but he had cooked for the boys, leaving everything to me.  We broke up 2007,  my son Derrick was 15 an helped a bit, he now 28 but hardly helps out now (he lives with me). I've told him to google fibro an it's yeah later, well that yrs ago, I've given him leaflets to read he didn't, I also gave them to parents, but the 80 an I never ask for help, mum is fab tho as when I cry I ring as she listens to me cry in pain, moan I get no help etc. I find that does help having someone on the other end of the phone to listen,  if you a good friend or family member maybe you can ring them.

    with this illness it's hard as the pain is all in our minds, and cause we have no injuries think our loved ones don't understand.

    im 52 now an I struggle with daily taskes, if I do too much I'm laid up in bed for days at a time.  On bad days I can't even get in the bath an my son has to help, I have no choice, as I'm only 4ft 8 so trying to lift my leg up an climb in isimpossiable.  I hope the bits of advice others give you is helpful. Wish you well xx 

    • Kipper1959
      Kipper1959 Mens

      Posted

      Have you ever thought of having a low access shower put in by social services through your gp?  I have a low access shower which was put in by husing association after social services contacted them.  I also have a wheelchair and had wheelchair aceess put in too as i live in a ground floor flat.
  • Bee70
    Bee70 Kipper1959

    Posted

    Hi Kipper

    Understand how you feel?  I had the same with my husband and he didn't really understand my pains.  I have been suffering for over 20yrs and not really had much support.  Only got diagnosed with Fibro Aug 2014, but once diagnosed and myself joining this forum in March 2015, he has learnt much more about Fibro and is aware of how I feel and understands me know slightly.  He now sends me info if he comes across on Fibro related articles in the papers or on the internet. One day he will come round but he should research the condition maybe he can do this in his own time.

    We are all here for you on this forum and will advise and support each other sharing our experiences.

    Gentle hugs and take care wink xx

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