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Partner of an alcoholic in denial, my struggle

Posted , 13 users are following.

Crazycat
Crazycat

This is hard to write as I love the man but not the disease that is alcoholism.

Brief history is I have known him 10 yrs but only been officially together 3 yrs ie living together, he has been a drinker for 18 yrs + that I know of so well before I met him and have found out that his mother died of alcoholism when he was 5 yrs old.

I obviously knew he drank and made the decision to be with him anyway as for all intense and purposes he is ok ( high functioning ) works, pays bills etc the reality on the other hand is so bitter and soul destroying, I have come to the realisation, due to my own severe depression that the situation is now intolerable. I can't leave, I can't stay, is there anything I can do to help him ? Or do I have to just accept that he will never admit he has a problem ? That being the first step that he he will never take, is there anyone who has an answer because this is breaking me ? Thank you in advance x 

1 like, 24 replies

24 Replies

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  • christine96892
    christine96892 Crazycat

    Posted

    Hey Crazycat,

    When I read your story, I thought I was reading my own. The only difference, is my live-in husband will not even accept the fact that he is doing anything wrong at all. I don't have money to move out, he's made sure of that, but he's throwing me out and locking the doors changing the locks putting my picture up everywhere so that nobody will have anything to do with me in our building or let me in. He's taken my keys, he's taken my phone, he's gone through all of my emails, he's gone through all of my Facebook messages post etc., he's deleted pictures off my phone and videos that are extremely incriminating to him. I am now video or record all the outburst, and the amount that he is drinking every day. He has everyone outside of our home convinced that it is me even though I do not drink, I take medication for my anxiety depression and bipolar now because of what he has done to me, I am happy and very successful at my job, and everything else outside of my house. He is constantly accusing me of doing things that I am absolutely not doing. Why anyone would think that I would want to make this situation any worse by doing those things is just taking a really really scary situation and making it worse. I'm scared and nowhere to go.

    I hope you find peace Crazycat!

    • gwen45436
      gwen45436 christine96892

      Posted

      Hi there, yours and many other stories are drastically sad.  I have alcohol problems obviousy, but am raining them in with success and re-gaining what I once had. 

      You are in a horrendous situation that is for sure - anxiety will surely be at an all time high.

      Oh my goodness, what he is doing is not right, it is bullying of the first degree.  What justifies this, can I ask (no need to respond if you do not want to).

      Unless there is some massively real reason for his behaviour to you, then he is really behaving with serious issues which probably relate to alcohol.

      "Happy and successful at your job" That to me, spells it out.  I could elaborate but will not as this is not an Agony Aunt Forum.

      Yes, a mess you are in at the moment and the only way out - is for you to get out - and I never ever say that.  Life is for living not for fearing.  Years turn into more years, then more years, until you are worn out if you cannot help any longer. 

      You have been a very strong person to deal with this absolutely awful situation.  I think the future lies with a strength you must muster because you are worth it.

      Have you ever heard of mind games - well that is what is happening to you right now.  It is easy for a Bully to throw them out and make you feel like it is you.  It is not - you are not the drinker - and HE HAS THE GUILT. 

      G.

  • Crazycat
    Crazycat

    Posted

    Hi all, can I say it's sad to read your stories and thanks for the advice given to not just me.

    I ultimately left my partner a year and a half ago and can I say to all now, it was not a decision I took easily, my pain is still here today as I morn the loss of a man I love still, does that mean to say I shouldn't have left ? No and no again, his illness was taking him on a journey I could no longer follow or endure so yes I saved myself, or did I ? Who knows ? I just know I'm better in me now than I was and him you may ask, still the bottle and the belief his way is the right way, for him maybe, who am I to question xx

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