Partners during recovery

Posted , 7 users are following.

My husband just three me an emotional curve ball. He asked if I thought it was ok he go away for a few days to see an air show.... 4 days after my triple rectocele surgery!!!!! I'm so upset he even CONSIDERED this. He promised to help care for me. Thoughts?

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  • Posted

    Hmmmm how about no! I think ur health and recovery is more important than an air show! Wot the? U should be doing nothing for the first week. U need his support.

    Just my view 😚

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  • Posted

    If you want the truth hun he needs a right talking too. My husband wouldn't of even of thought of it.

    I think I'd be very upset about this and it would make me think where is priority lie.

    Men can be very selfish,but we must put your foot down and make sure he listens. I bet it would be different if the show was on the other foot😮😮

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  • Posted

    Omg! Absolutely not!

    Very insensitive to even ask, men eh, if brains were dynamite they couldn’t blow their own noses!

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  • Posted

    I was sorry to read this, men can be so thoughtless at times, you should be resting and being looked after for a few weeks, he should be supporting you. I hope he realises what a silly thing to ask you and hope ou are OK.
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  • Posted

    Men! Sounds like my husband who went away for the weekend to see the charity shield when it was held in Cardiff, two days after my third child was born leaving me alone with a new baby an 11 month old and a 7 year old! 
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  • Posted

    Omg I don't believe he asked you that . My husband has been by my side the whole time well saying that see how long he lasts looking after me x sore as hell at moment

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  • Posted

    Omg I don't believe he asked you that . My husband has been by my side the whole time well saying that see how long he lasts looking after me x sore as hell at moment

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  • Posted

    Hi DLionMomma,

    I do not know your husband but will give him the benefit of the doubt. Before you take this situation personally, maybe your husband really has absolutely no clue how serious this surgery is. You might need to sit him down and in the most loving way explain to him how you are so sad he has to miss this event, but if he really wants you to have a complete recovery he really needs to skip this outing and take care of you. Tell him you realize he has no clue how serious your recovery is and how it depends 100% on you doing NOTHING for a long period of time. Tell him if the situation were reversed you would be there to take care of him.

    But seriously,  I mean, I myself, had no idea how intense this recovery is so pretty sure your husband might be just as clueless as well.

    With that said, if he still insists on going on the trip, you tell him to prepare your meals before he goes and put them on individual plates in the frig for you to heat. Put anything above your head like cereal on the lower cabinet and put  small amounts of milk into pitchers ahead of time...and anything else you think you could possibly need.

     I know it is hard to ask for help, but unless you explain to him exactly what you need he really may not know. I am praying that maybe you are the one who usually takes care of everything so he does not realize you need help!

    BIG  hug, DLionMomma! 

    P.S. If all else fails, let your husband read all the posts on this forum. Prayers!

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  • Posted

    Hi folks

    I'm.sorey I just only now have read your replies. Thank you 😍 ok.so I'm not crazy it was a bit much to ask. I agree with brenda69492 that I should at least sit him down and explain more about the surgery. I dunno. I sent him a few links and asked him multiple times to read it and let me knowif he has any questions or concerns. My guess is that he thinks since my mom is coming to help care for us (Dave doesn't cook and my girls age 10 and 14 are still learning) and he assumed if she was there we were set and he could disappear for a quick few days. What he doesnt realize is he signed on for this whether my mom was coming on not...its called marriage and I agree with welshgirl67 that I assumed my husband would never even THINK to ask that. I will have to have a big talk and just explain it's a big deal and why.

    I also asked 2 husbands I know that he's not chummy with (in confidence) and they both said they would never have even thought of it; that they would pick up the reins with house and kids as it were. So yeah. Wish me luck with the big talk. I'll check back in in a few days and update you.

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    • Posted

      It sounds like you’ve given your husband ample information but perhaps like many men he’s chosen to only absorb some of it!

      You’re so right, he signed up to helping, it’s great that your Mum is helping but he needs to do his bit too.

      It’s times like these that when you realise how much a woman does around the house, I know my family didn’t really have a clue!

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    • Posted

      Get him to read our reply to your post.

      He will soon realise how much he has let you down.

      Personally I would not expect anything less of f him.

      Put your foot down and stand up for you here hun. Your health and wellbeing should be paramount!! Hugsx

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  • Posted

    Curious, DLionMamma,  so  did your hubby go away for the air show? I bet since you had your mom with you, he never even thought you would miss him! I hope it all worked out for the best and your healing is coming along just fine!
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    • Posted

      Lol

      Well none of that has come to pass

      Surgery is Aug 7th

      Air show Aug 12 a 2 day drive away

      Yes he figured my mom would just DO every thing (me=eyeroll). I set home straight. Clueless.

      Newest development is I am feuding with my Milaw who publicly posted she was ashamed of my begging because I have a gofundme since I am effectively unemployed with no EI for 3 months....i have been doing 12 hr days as an in home daycare provider paychq to paychq. So yeah. I was asking for help with a month's wages. She was brutal and even her apology ....after my hubby set her straight that it's a legitimate avenue in 2018 for medical financial crises... was even.passive aggressive and dismissive. She is very old school and took it personally that I went out of the family for help....um married your son and you have never helped before so.... anyhow...we will see how that works out.

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    • Posted

      A fun d me page!!! Oh ok.. This seems a very difficult situation.

      Why can you have the surgery through your doctor?? Instead of advertising for people to give you money.. That's what it is right?

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    • Posted

      My in laws are the same, offer zero help but want to put their hands up to claim the best grandparents of the decade award!!

      Never see them, they are significantly better off than my mum/family who would give you her last penny in the world, and has helped so much in practical and financial ways.

      But she wouldn’t approve of the go fund me page either.

      Is is to cover lost wages while you’re off work rather than the cost of the procedure?

      It’s your business, don’t worry what she thinks, but tell you’ll take the page down if she’ll cover the time off financially!

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    • Posted

      I'm sure some of us can do with a fund page but would never think of it!!

      I'm assuming she isnin USA? I'm thinking this because in uk you only here if this is for children terminally ill not for elective surgery that's not life threatening. I'm stunned lol

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    • Posted

      The cost of my surgery is paid via my husband's work coverage and Canadian health care system. But... I have no income for 3 months and will be jobless after the surgery. I've scrimped and saved as much as I can and I'm short for one month. The gofundme is IF people who know me wish to help.

      What do you mean by "that's what's right!"? It's not okay to ask for help when you truly need It? My friend said if I had the big C this wouldn't be an issue but because its butt vag surgery .... Smh

      I'm 47 and have worked my ass off paycheque to.paycheque and have helped so many others and pay things forward every time I can...im a great mom and a.good person...and if I ask.for help it's begging and shameful ...and " not right?" What century is this? My friend Gab killed herself rather than admit her financial stresses and ask for help. I will never not ask again.

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    • Posted

      Social.media campaigns are for any fundraising platform: my friend Rob got funding for his book; Heather & Lisa for cancer recovery; Nicole for her travel expenses while her son was in treatment for kidney cancer; and our schools use these for school trips and new equipment.

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    • Posted

      Absolutely agree, no shame in asking for help, people have a choice if they want to give or not!

      I feel exactly as you do, I’m 49, worked since I was 16 and took minimal time off when I had my kids, worked throughout, why shouldn’t you be due a little help back?!

      There is a snobbery about this kind of surgery, like you say if you had Cancer and needed time off unpaid people wouldn’t think anything of it.

      People lucky enough to be stay at home mums, so no loss of income, should appreciate that others aren’t so lucky.

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    • Posted

      My Milaw is from Northern UK...is this a usual doctrine from the region? It's shameful to ask for help? I bri.g shame to her somehow? She's not MY mom. My mom thinks I'm brave as hell. Mind you she has had the same surgery only 1x stage 2 rectocele and I have 3x etc

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    • Posted

      I think you get judgemental people like that everywhere but yes, many British people in general are like that, that you don’t ask for help, you “suck it up and get on with it” but there’s only so much you can do.

      Good luck with your go fund me, the only shame is that your Mother in law is so unsupportive that you need to do this at all!

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    • Posted

      Good luck to you hun.. Everyone is different and i wasn't judging you..just not heard much about go fund pages. I wish you tg e best of luck with everything and hope most of all you heal well and very quickly back to full strength.x

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