Patience is reaching Breaking Point
Posted , 22 users are following.
Hello,
I am after some candid advice. Please be honest and brutal. Trust me; I can take it. There is one thing about being married, and totally in love with menopausal women, you learn to develop a “thick skin” and tolerance. However, I feel my patience is running out.
A bit of background about me and my situation: my wife entered the surgical menopause seven years ago. After numerous medical appointments, we eventually found a specialist menopause nurse who prescribed the correct HRT. My wife and I are in our early fifties, both of us are in full-time employment, and we are “comfortable”. Neither of us has any medical conditions. We are very sporty and have great families and friends. We have a great social life and go out as a couple or with our friends. I am really in love with my wife. She is my soul mate, best friend, and I fancy her like crazy.
Watching her go through the menopause is terrible, and I have done my best to support her. Sometimes I have been great, and other times I have been insensitive, but my wife has said that she doesn’t know how I have put up with her and I deserve a medal. When you love someone, you do what’s necessary.
In the last twelve months, my tolerance has been pushed to the breaking point. I feel as though my love, my support and understanding has been thrown back in my face. I don’t want a prize I want to feel loved and cherished and not alone. My wife has said terrible things to me that have hurt me to the core, and I am now reassessing my marriage and our feelings towards each other. I have withdrawn from her both physically and emotionally. I don’t believe my wife will be worried about the lack of sex because our sex life has declined significantly over the last five years. I have tried to address this issue by being patient, understanding and not putting any pressure on her. I have reached a point where I don’t want sex anymore, and that is so unlike me because I love making love to her and being intimate. But I’ve been rejected so many times, it destroys my confidence and hurts too much.
I have told my wife how I am feeling, but the situation doesn’t improve. I know you cannot ask or expect someone to change (unless they want to), but you can change yourself and how you deal with situations. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a marriage where I am not happy most of the time (eighty twenty rule). Lately, I find excuses not to go home, and I reduce the amount of time I spend with my wife. I work more hours, go out with friends or by myself, spend more time exercising, or I find any activity to keep me busy. I don’t feel like a married man anymore, and I feel very little connection with my wife. We used to be a team, but our love was not suffocating because we encouraged each other to go out and holiday with friends. Seeing her happy with or without me always made me happy.
I love my wife, but we all have an obligation to be happy. I know there is no such thing as a perfect marriage/relationship. I just want to be loved. I am not a needy person. I don’t need to be told that I am loved every day; I don’t expect sex every day (twice a week would be lovely). I am really easy going and considerate.
I just feel I have come to a point where I think we would be better off apart. I’m not interested in anyone else I would rather be lonely by myself than lonely in a relationship. So I am after any advice that will help me to save my marriage because that’s what I want, but I’m not prepared to continue like this. It’s not fair on my wife or me. I have asked my wife how she feels, and she said everything is okay, but it amazes me how she can be happy when I am not. Is this further evidence of a breakdown of communication and connection?
0 likes, 32 replies
aliseanya brandon
Posted
I can't tell if this is an older post or a newer post. I am just so surprised a dude would come in to a women's forum complaining about his marriage. Ladies do you think we should go to a prostate erectile dysfunction board and complain about our marriages? I bet that would go over really well.
Men reading this if your wife was going through a major medical issue would you still be complaining? What if she had the C word, or was in a car accident with major injuries? Would you still be complaining? If you would then LEAVE HER! She deserves better.
Perimenopause is a major medical event. You know who wants to be normal again? She does! She wants to sleep again, have great sex, not be depressed, have beautiful hair, skin,, nails, fit in her cute clothes again. She doesn't want to be a rage monster & forgetful. She doesn't want to be scared, confused, alone and expected to make everything better for those around her because she is going through something.
I swear women spend decades taking care of everyone then when we need those in our lives to be there for us we are alone. No wonder women have high divorce rates and never get married again during this time in our life. I know a lot of post-menopausal women say to me they would never put up with a man again. They are so blissfully happy.
You already checked out of your marriage. She knows it too. She might have already told you or didn't tell you. She knows you did. You already broke her trust and at least some of the love she had for you.
I drive my husband nuts with Peri. My healthy anxiety can make him lose his temper. He's the most even tempered man I know. I know he misses our sex life and can make comments where I side eye him and tell him off. He also brings me washcloths when I have bad hot flashes. He goes the extra mile to make things easier for me. He has a demanding job where he is worn out. He goes to the store all the time to buy weird medicines I need. He helps me check for health things. He gives me support. He tells me to be angry & cry. He tells me I am beautiful every day, when I feel ugly. He loves me all the time even when I feel insecure and scared. I know I am loved. That's the kind of marriage your wife deserves during this horrible time in her life.
You will need her someday and you pushed her away. She didn't push you away.
To the guys reading this if you are unhappy please leave. I am begging you to leave. I am begging you to leave for her. You are making her a lot unhappier than she ever made you. You couldn't man up enough to do the right thing you promised her at the alter and that is stand by her side through thick and thin. She deserves better.