People are rubbish

Posted , 7 users are following.

I know there are a lot of people out there who do not have depression but act as a great support for those who have it and I hope you all have a friend/relative you can talk to when things get tough who helps. 

I personally have only ever experienced the opposite, it doesn't matter how much you are there for someone as soon as the shoe is on the other foot and you need help they bolt, or are simply not interested/can't be bothered to talk things through and help you out. 

Maybe this is just my own experience with people or maybe it's because the people I choose to talk to don't understand depression, they expect to be able to ignore you and hide whilst you are going through a really tough day and don't understand when the "tough day" is every day. 

I think it's easier to just put the mask on and agree with these people that you are fine, rather than constantly getting let down. 

Sorry for the rant - and I hope you are all having a lovely Thursday!

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  • Posted

    Hi fee, I know what your going through, I hv my dad to talk to and my thearpist. I suggest you seek advice frm your gp. Good luck
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    • Posted

      Glad you have somebody to talk to Steph smile I am indeed seeking help from my gp - it's just the limbo before going where you find you don't know what to do with yourself! 
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  • Posted

    Hi Fee25,

    i find that because of my problems I tend to have been the person who was there, when friends had problems they found my way to my door but as you describe when I needed help no one seemed to believe me. I do find that those of us with depression tend to be good listeners, maybe we empathise or maybe knowing others have problems lets us feel less isolated. As you say though having depression is not like having a bad day and I find more help on sites like this than family or friends. I now have close friends who I trust mainly because they are like me, I've met them through sites or even when I was in hospital. 

    I don't see your post as a rant but an expression of how most of us have felt and I offer you my friendship on here, no need for masks feel free to vent

    namaste 

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    • Posted

      Hi David, thanks for your reply!

      I completely agree with you, having depression can really open your eyes to the selfishness of others, they will happily talk at you for hours on end but are completely unwilling to discuss anything other than themselves. 

      I'm glad that you have found friends that understand - and this site is such a massive help as the people here are understanding and so supportive. Kindness and selflessness can be a rare thing to find, which is a massive shame but at least we have these forums! smile 

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    • Posted

      Fee,

      ive sat opposite professionals with all the qualifications who nod and take notes but you know that you are just a case number, I often feel like a specimen being examined. When I talk to people on here or those I know with experience of mental illness with no qualifications I only ever feel support and empathy. It's a shame having a mental health issue isn't a qualification because some of the people on here would make excellent counsellors 

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    • Posted

      Definitely, real empathy and caring is key - which is something a lot of health professionals can lack, because for them you are a part of work. 

      The people on this site have given me brilliant and constructive advice in the past and it is because they truly understand how debilitating depression or any mental illness can be, it's tiring - it's rubbish! 

      I am just glad I stumbled across this forum, as without it - I have no idea where I'd be! 

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  • Posted

    Hi fee, you did not rant - you should see some of my posts lol.

    I agree with you SO much. I'm sorry you have to experience the lack of kindness and consideration you show others. It's just not on is it.

    Almost my entire family has turned their back on me because I speak truthfully about the abuse I had while not one of them lifted a finger to stop it, report it or now support me in my recovery. They prefer to side with the abusers.

    As a recovering Co-dependent I would forget myself literally and work tirelessly for others like a slave. I would wait ..."they do love me, don't they? They will show me love, eventually, won't they?" NO, they never did and they probably never will. In fact since I installed internal and external boundaries more people than ever have been agressive to me. Because they like the push-over much more than someone who is standing up for themselves.

    Some people do have support during their illness and beyond. That is brilliant and I am truly glad for them. But it is not the case for all of us.

    As of last week I had to say goodbye to a friend... who whilst saying they cared for me and wanted to help, decided to shout and scream at me, projecting their own failings onto me.

    They are not able to stand up to a bully in their own life and thought it okay to treat me as if I were that bully.

    I asked them to leave and as I had already given them numerous chances to change this behaviour, I have to show myself some respect and end our friendship.

    This is particularly sad as this is my last physical friend in the world - I have online buddies, thank goodness!

    Having what seems like the world turn against you makes the self-doubt return and you are prone to muddle their behaviour with thoughts of it being your fault in some way. I do anyway.

    My instinct tells me I am correct in my belief that this person will not change and I will reap a reward now I have made this decision.

    I wish you all the best

    S

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    • Posted

      It's shocking how heartless and blind people can be! And I am really sorry to hear of the way your family have chosen to act, it sounds awful - but I'm 100% with you, carry on speaking the truth, it is their loss and not yours!

      It is hard letting go of a friend but if they are unsupportive and dragging you down the best thing is to let them go - at least for a while and it is great that you are taking control of these decisions, personally I am a bit of a pushover and should probably follow your lead in that area! 

      You sound like a lovely person so I am sure there will be more physical friends to come! But in the mean time these forums are such a help. 

      I personall sought help from a friend that I believed I could trust, things have been very dark recently and everytime I listened, supported and advised this friend I was told that I could "talk to him about anything, whenever" my mistake was taking this literally - I replied to his casual message saying I was feeling very low and was ignored, the next day I receive a message saying are you better now, when I replied that I was struggling I was ignored again - and still am being ignored. 

      I always make an effort with anyone who is struggling, and if they feel they can confide in me then that is great and I will help them, unfortunately these people are only interested in themselves and it is simply not healthy to keep these people around. 

      Sad but true, at least we have some solace here! 

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    • Posted

      I am glad you have found and friends here, as we all care so much about each other.  It is because we all have depression and understand how others are feeling.  It is not always easy for people who have not had depression to understand how it affects us.

      I am sorry you have little support, which is such a great help to many.  I find this forum makes me so much less lonely.

      Take care and keep in touch.  Big hugs

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    • Posted

      Hi Anne, you're right - the people on here are very supportive and kind because they understand what others are going through, they can relate and they support because they know how tough this illness is. 

      Some people don't understand or can't tolerate depression because it isn't something that just goes away. I'm glad this forum helps you, it always makes me feel better, everyone is so helpful and kind here. 

      xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi I do emphasise with you.  The trouble with being a good listener is that you attract those who just want to talk and not share.   In other words the abusers,  the takers and not the givers.   True friendship is much more even and maybe you need to downgrade the takers from friends to casual as and when friends and seek out those who can listen as well as talk.  x

     

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    • Posted

      Very true hypercat! 

      It's a shame that you can believe a friendship to be true after putting in hours and hours of support to a friend and realising it was obviously not that way when you seek help from them. I could never imagine ignoring or shooting down a friend if they came to me for help/were struggling it seems to me to be so hearltess. But we have these forums, which are full of great and supportive people so hopefully we will find somebody like this in real life too! xx

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    • Posted

      Thanks fee.  I have found the secret is to choose your friends yourself and not let others choose you.   It sounds simple but it makes a big difference.  x

       

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