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People don’t understand ... how bad this is

Posted , 25 users are following.

lori93950
lori93950

I think there’s quite a big disparity in women’s symptoms on here . I’m at a 10 with this which means I can’t do normal things like socialize . I see some women writing that they went out met friends went to a game . 

I am debilitated . I am constantly tired from the moment I wake up I’m just waiting for the clock to tick so I can go back to bed . I believe women who never had children get it worse. 

I appreciate all the comments and caring as some ladies have said ‘move closer to your family ‘ etc. but I don’t think they understand that I can’t do barely anything . 

5 likes, 96 replies

96 Replies

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  • Sassyr12a
    Sassyr12a lori93950

    Posted

    Lori

    I think that we are all so different, but have similar symptoms here, but the experience is unique to each of us. I have a child I adopted who is 10, and I've been ill practically all my life. There isn't a magic fix, I think we have to be strong and as positive as possible to hold it together. A friend of mine once said " there's a reason women were put into asylums years ago before we knew about menopause".... Well she's right, youd be round the bend crazy at least we know what it is and have options, and it's still hard!! Unfortunately we are all going through something life changing, but we are all in it together! I try now to accept that hrt isn't going to change my life in a week, it takes longer. I'm gonna have to suck it up and try to do what I can to hang onto the remaining embers of mental health so that when I get out the other side, I'm not completely different. I use all of the options open to support me gp, menopause society, specialist advice lines, counselling, homeopathy, yoga... Basically anything to help. One thing we know is that we will come out the other side, it actually shouldn't kill us (even though some days it feels like it might) and Im grateful the men in white coats aren't taking me away! Stay strong, try to be accepting and this too shall pass smile xx

    • lori93950
      lori93950 Sassyr12a

      Posted

      Yes I’ve had moments whereby the walls feel like they are coming in on me can’t breathe and just go to a crazy place mentally . It doesn’t help spending all day and night alone but that’s my position right now so trying to deal with it and praying the sun pokes through soon .

      I too am on the HRT patch just 5 days please God it works . I’ve heard some women say it completely gave them their life back so here’s hoping .

      For me it’s the fatigue .... can’t make plans and seem to be always ‘getting ready for bed ‘ 

  • dora_39625
    dora_39625 lori93950

    Edited

    Hi Lori,

    Sorry you're having a really bad time of it..

    I'm 43 and have a 3 year old girl.

    My perimenopause symptoms have been absolutely horrendous.

    Like you, I feel very debilitated alot of the time. It's just awful.

    I wish I had a magic wand and could feel like my old self..

  • wendy_4261
    wendy_4261 lori93950

    Posted

    Lori I'm exactly the same as you, my mum and nan sailed thru it, but not me 😢😢😢

  • sarah05599
    sarah05599 lori93950

    Edited

    Yes I have it bad to and to make matters worse I am having a terrible time with work, no understanding whatsoever. Last Thursday I was called into the bosses office, not to ask why I seem so depressed everyday, snappy, unhappy and generally non engaged in my work but to say they want to cut my hours! I have been onto an employment helpline but everything they told me to do is long and drawn out and adds to the stress making me worse and don't have money for a solicitor. My head is so full of worries and my anxiety is worse. I just think they've reduced my hours/pay anyway so b easier to just go on sick but it's so hard to get in at my docs, everything just feels against me and no help 😞

    • Guest
      Guest sarah05599

      Posted

      Sorry Sarah, hope it all works out for you! 
    • CarolKelso
      CarolKelso sarah05599

      Posted

      Hi Sarah... Would you not tell you boss how you are and what's really going on... He may go a little easier on you... I know it's an awful time the change. No one prepares you for it... It will get easier... CK

    • lori93950
      lori93950 sarah05599

      Edited

      I honestly don’t know how women work !!! I admire you for even keeping a job. That’s really unfair and it’s not like it’s a recognized Illness which it darn well should be ! 

      And you probably can’t shout out it’s my bloody hormones as nobody gets it . 

    • sarah05599
      sarah05599 Guest

      Posted

      Thanks Suzanne, I appreciate your kind words.
    • sarah05599
      sarah05599 CarolKelso

      Posted

      Hi carol

      Yes I told him I was going through women's problems but couldn't bring myself to say the word as I felt embarrassed as he's not a nice person so I find it difficult to communicate with him in general let alone with this. He's just not very sympathetic at all he has his favourites and those he doesn't like he plays his games to get you to resign. It's a very toxic workplace but I feel how can I get another job like this.

    • lori93950
      lori93950 sarah05599

      Posted

      If this was recognized as a debilitating illness then we would have more rights ! You feel like a wimp saying oh it’s the ‘change of life ‘ 

      But as stated here women used to get put away in asylums due to this .so it is very serious and needs to be recognized by employers government 

    • debbie12340
      debbie12340 lori93950

      Edited

      Hi Lori,

      All I can say is I feel exactly the same as you.  I agree I have no idea how so many ladies hold down a job ?? It may make you feel better if I tell you I have such bad anxiety that I have to take Diazepam just to get my hair done or go to the Dentist ! I hate the way it’s affected me like this . . . . It makes me feel like some sort of weirdo . . . Only one of my friends feels similar to me !! I often wondered if I will ever feel ‘normal’ again x

    • dora_39625
      dora_39625 debbie12340

      Posted

      How long have you had your symptoms?

      I'm currently going through same as you...it's just awful x

    • CarolKelso
      CarolKelso sarah05599

      Posted

      Hi Sarah... Working with a person who plays games is awful... But you don't have to play.. Maybe time for a change? Mind yourself there. CK

    • sarah05599
      sarah05599 lori93950

      Posted

      Yes I know Lori, I may not be working for much longer as my job is making everything much worse and I dread going everyday and sit there feeling so depressed but it's hard when you can't afford to leave, my partner works full time but is on min wage you kinda feel trapped.

    • debbie12340
      debbie12340 dora_39625

      Posted

      Well I’ve had various symptoms over a period of about 10 years 😢 I’ve had the anxiety for about the last 4 years on and off  . . . It’s a nightmare that I’m praying must be coming to an end soon x

    • vicky77852
      vicky77852 debbie12340

      Posted

      There is no way for me to continue to work without hrt! I took a break for about a month and after having my hormones under control I returned. 
    • lori93950
      lori93950 debbie12340

      Posted

      Hi Debbie 

      Oh isn’t it AWFUL!! I’m trying everything very early nights acupuncture HRT BHRT

      I just can’t give up! 

      I take Uber to get to some appointments and 1/2 Xanax so I’m right there with you !

       I swear this is hell so glad you have a friend you can talk to ... all my friends seem to be ok it’s really frustrating ... I cannot wait to feel somewhat normal again . I’d do anything to get rid of these symptoms ... you start getting very depressed as you’re limited as to what you can do. 

    • lori93950
      lori93950 vicky77852

      Posted

      Well it’s good news that it balanced you out ! I am on day 5 of HRT not seems big difference yet although I got a period after 2 days so it must be working as not had one since December . 

      Let me know what to expect how long for it to kick in .... I sleep 12 hours the lie in bed for four hours I’m like zombie ! 

    • lori93950
      lori93950 debbie12340

      Posted

      Yes I’ve had the anxiety for over 10 years but learned to live with it and know what my boundaries are but now .... this new crash is a whole different ballgame . Feel like somebody has drugged me ! Can never get moving . 
    • lori93950
      lori93950 sarah05599

      Edited

      My heart goes out to you Sarah I don’t know how you do it .... I’m so dizzy and fatigued I’m sure you are too ... it horrendous that women can’t get sick leave for this ! Things need to change . 
    • vicky77852
      vicky77852 lori93950

      Posted

      It takes time Lori, I felt better almost immediately but after 5-6 months I started to feel normal again.
    • sarah05599
      sarah05599 lori93950

      Posted

      Thanks Lori, It's 7.34 and I'm sat outside in the sun as woke at 6am with my heart racing, anxiety is getting worse and I feel I cannot goto work like this so may have to ring in sick. I could really do without this work thing on top of everything else.

    • Sassyr12a
      Sassyr12a sarah05599

      Posted

      Hi Sarah

      Sorry you feel so awful today. I finally had to take some time off work, been off since the end of April. My job was stressful enough but taking bhrt and trying to hold it together meant I was putting my efforts into work and not getting better. Maybe some time off will help... I know it depends on the situs, I'm lucky that I get sick pay as I couldn't afford to otherwise. Hope you feel better soon xx

    • dora_39625
      dora_39625 debbie12340

      Posted

      So sorry to hear this. Such a long time to be going through this.... I thought a year and a half was hell and believe me it's been hell for me.

      Pregnancy was a breeze compared to this.

      Do you take anything for your symptoms?

    • sarah05599
      sarah05599 Sassyr12a

      Posted

      Hi sassy

      Thanks for the reply, I am out with dog in the sun at mo and although my anxiety is still there I feel bit better but the mornings always are really bad and negative and your constantly in a negative battle with yourself, I really couldn't face going to work earlier and still don't but cause I feel bit stronger as day goes on I will end up dragging myself in. I no it's not helping my anxiety though but worried about not being able to pay my share of bills. The stress of going back and forth to docs don't help either, just can't believe there's no proper help for this.

    • Sassyr12a
      Sassyr12a sarah05599

      Posted

      Hi Sarah

      I understand, it's awful trying to hold everything together and I was losing confidence completely at work. Meetings I would not be worried about, became completely overwhelming. One time during a presentation I started physically shaking, it was mortifying. Since being off I've built in little routines which help, like getting up and out early for a walk. Doing some meditation around lunchtime and then trying to do something physical early evening. The routine seems to help me get through the points of the day and manage how I feel a bit better. Hoping to go back to work next month, I'm keeping everything crossed that I'll be able to cope a bit better. Enjoy the sunshine ? and keep your chin up xx

    • lori93950
      lori93950 Sassyr12a

      Posted

      Thank God you could get the tome off work I dong know how women do it!

      Glad you’re getting out and walking in the morning I think I’d keel over if I did that as my wakefulness is terrible don’t come around until 1pm or later .

      But yes best to keep a simple schedule and baby ourselves during this time as whatever anybody says it is an illness ! 

    • sarah05599
      sarah05599 Sassyr12a

      Posted

      Thanks for the kind words ?? Did you feel any better away from your job or did your symptoms stay the same. As my partner said it's your hormones so you will still feel like this even if you go on sick or leave but I feel pressure and added stress make my symptoms worse especially anxiety and depression.

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