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philosophical ocd and anxiety

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alison82593
alison82593

Ever since I was a young teenager I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. Usually from worrying about my health. Now I'm in my 20's and things are different. About a month ago I had a really bad pabic attack. Afterwards for weeks my anxiety was constant. I couldn't eat or sleep. I literally was scared i was lising my nind. I Google all these mental illnesses that only made me feel worse. Now it's at the point where I'm questioning everything. I have really bad derealization. My mind is racing non stop with random crazy thoughts. Like thinking what if the world and everything around me is in my imagination. Everything feels so unreal and sometimes it feels so real that things around me aren't real. These thoughts race through my mind all day. It's like i feel anxious being alive. I question things like why I'm I here. Why do I exist. I'm not suicidal or anything just very anxious. I always fear im going to lose control and go insane or do something embarrassing like freak out. Everything just looks so weird to me. Like everything! When I talk it doesn't even feel like me. I've read a lot about this stuff but now it's pretty severe this time around. I've spoke to a phsycologist and phsycatrist. Has anyone else had these thoughts? Also lately random memories keep popping in my head from like years ago. It's like my mind is on overdrive going through memories and random thoughts. It's so weird. I feel like im trying to act normal but in the inside I'm feeling insane. The racing thoughts about existence and life and space etc. Is what bugs me the most along with the derealization. They just never stop. When I talk to people it feels like they almost aren't even rea . Has anyone ANYONE dealt with this? I read about solopism and it freaked me out so now I've been obsessing over that! I feel like im going to be stick like this forever.

1 like, 45 replies

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  • alison82593
    alison82593

    Posted

    Sorry for all the typos. I hope you understand it all lol
  • Beenthere
    Beenthere alison82593

    Posted

    Hi, I am so sorry you are going through this. I have been exactly where you are. It was worse when I was younger. The older I get the better I can control it. I am 36 year old female. It helps to try to connect physically with things around you. When you start freaking out go touch a tree or something. Really feel it. Use all your senses one at a time to help your mind understand that you are here, alive, real. I have had to do this in front of people. But thankfully after I learned to control it better. Things get overwhelming. It helps to have a safe place in your mind. I go to the beach, I have a special chair I sit on and listen to the waves. Your mind is very powerful and has the ability to heal itself but you have to take time to do it. I remember in my 20's feeling like I was always watching a movie. I could almost see the borders of the screen, it was freaky. I think it's sensory over load. At my worst in my mid 20's I was put on Prozac for OCD, but it made me have suicidal thoughts, so i tried lexapro. It worked for me. I have taken up to 5 years before but never stayed on it constant. It's not good for you. No medicine is. But at the time I had to have it. There is not really much medicine for OCD. I believe those 2 are it. I have been off Lexapro for 2 yrs, I am doing well. I have recently had an explosion of activity, which happens, from time to time. I am currently working on some theories dealing with Newton's Laws. My ideas are hard to contain and I get depressed when I can't work on them. I hope I have helped in some way. I just wanted you to know you are not alone. 
    • alison82593
      alison82593 Beenthere

      Posted

      Thank you. Did these thoughts race through your mind non stop? Did they ever feel real. Like the whole world is am imagination thing? It really freaks me out
    • Beenthere
      Beenthere alison82593

      Posted

      Sorry it took me so long to reply. Yes, non stop and they feel very real. I still have a hard time with not knowing if the whole world is an imagination or not. I try to stay super busy so that these thoughts can't race non-stop. Do you have a job? if not get one. Do things for others so that you must think of other things, be around people. The more you are alone the worse it gets. I don't like people being around but need them for my sanity. Use all of your senses everyday to bring more reality into your mind. touch everything, talk to people, listen to them, smell different things, taste different things. Be as physical as you can with people. If you have a partner make love, put mind body and soul into all you do. Don't get lost, make a progress chart, if you need to. write down what helps, what you did or did not enjoy that day. Also don't forget to excersise, don't play games they make it much worse. tv and other electronics will too. If you have any sleep problems it could be the cause of all of it. The three most important things in life are sleep, water and excersise. Good luck message me again if you have anymore questions. Nothings to strange for me, I don't judge. smile
    • allison1984
      allison1984 alison82593

      Posted

      Hi allison my names allison also and like you i have every symptom you just described the memories popping in at random times which cause me very strong feelings plus ive got the derealization /depersonalization bad atm mine went for a while now has come back its madding. And like you im q

      Constantly analysing my thoughts and feelings im so scared ill cross over into some type of breakdown. So your not alone sometimes keeping busy can help even for a while worst thing I find is really analysing the unreal feeling or panicking about it, it will just get super worse.

    • alison82593
      alison82593 allison1984

      Posted

      That's funny we have the same name and thoughts. Are you dealing with this now or have you got over it?
    • allison1984
      allison1984 alison82593

      Posted

      Hi again im currently dealing with it now im seeing a psychiatrist Today Was my third visit hes decided not to put me on. medication cause ive got the depersonalization and derealization which is a coping strategies he said its a good thing in a way., but its a nightmare its hard not to think about how awful it feels especially when you have ocd all i do is ocd when i get ready anxious my mind racers so fast it feels like my head will expoled. Also my memory has become so bad and like you i keep getting random memories pop into my head like nothing ive ever experienced before I mean ive had memories pop in my head before but this is constantly. Sorry your dealing with this aswell its like you've woken up in some nightmare
    • allison1984
      allison1984 alison82593

      Posted

      Hi for some reason my reply has been sent for approval. So ill try again im currently dealing with it now im.not on any medication which i prefer, having the ocd on top of the depersonalization is a killer cause as you no its almost impossible for us with ocd not to think about how werid we feel or how werid we think
    • alison82593
      alison82593 allison1984

      Posted

      I really think our brains are just on overdrive. I was worried I had like physcosis or something because I kept getting all these delusional thoughts. Not that I believe them. My dr said that it's ocd. And that's why I keep having these weird racing thoughts i think with people like us with ocd we are always looking from an answer and some things can't be answered so it bugs us
    • alison82593
      alison82593

      Posted

      Looking for an answer I meant
    • alison82593
      alison82593

      Posted

      The memories that pop in my head are so weird from years ago. Thibgs I normally would have never remembered it's like a different part of my brain is opening up and unleashing all these memories
    • allison1984
      allison1984 alison82593

      Posted

      Sorry for the late reply dont worry I also thought i was becoming phycotic cause my thoughts seemed delusional aswell i suffered from a similar thing in 2008 i nearly got admitted to a psychiatric hospital because I had such server ocd the doctors couldn't tell if I was ocd or phycotic but one really excellent mental health worker saw i was just suffering really server ocd. But im going though the same thing again now I keep thinking everything im thinking and feeling is a sign im developing phycociss even though my psychiatrist has confirmed to me each visit that I dont have phycociss. I think if we worry were going crazy were not when your crazy you think your absolutely fine

    • allison1984
      allison1984 alison82593

      Posted

      And the memory pops are strange i have no idea whats going on i told my psychiatrist yesterday but we ran out of time so I was left up in the air which p*ssed me of because now im still ocd about it. Only thing I think it could be is because were so anxious and stuck the brain is maybe looking for a better time to try feel well or the brains so over worked its going a bit haywire to be honest I feel like im on some drug i feel like im just floating i feel so disconnected from my feelings and surroundings i cant find me anymore its like my whole being is gone and thats the scary thing.

    • alison82593
      alison82593 allison1984

      Posted

      Do you ever feel freaked out by your own existence? I know it sounds silly but I overthinking everything and it makes me anxious
    • allison1984
      allison1984 alison82593

      Posted

      Hi no i dont obsess about existence but have heard about that being a commen ocd obsession I have however developed a ocd thought of believing im stuck in the past i no iam not in the past but ocd that ill go phycotic and start thinking living in the past
    • alison82593
      alison82593 allison1984

      Posted

      I had thoughts,like that before. Ocd makes us think really strange things
    • alison82593
      alison82593 allison1984

      Posted

      What are some of your coping techniques when you get these racing thoughts? Did you ever feel like the world was,a figment of your imagination and almost really believe it at times?
    • allison1984
      allison1984 alison82593

      Posted

      My old coping techniques use to be drinking alcohol but in the end it stopped working, Now I just try to distract myself sometimes it works not always

      I have a couple of times when I wake up ill ask myself weather this is real or am I dead or dreaming this freaks me out

    • allison1984
      allison1984 alison82593

      Posted

      I no what you mean about almost believing a thought this is how bad my ocd thoughts can become ill feel like im really believing the thought thats when i start freaking out cause then I start to think im losing my mind
    • alison82593
      alison82593 allison1984

      Posted

      I used to be an alcoholic. It all started from my anxiety. Thankfully I beat that and no longer drink. I know what you mean about feeling like things aren't real or dream like. I deal with that daily
    • allison1984
      allison1984 alison82593

      Posted

      I use to be an alcoholic to Ive been sober 3years in may its hard ive always used alcohol to numb my ocd and anxiety it worked but it stopped and even made my panic attacks worse. The unreal feeling ive had on and off for months Its horrid. Do you have other ocd obsessions ive had many over the many years
    • alison82593
      alison82593 allison1984

      Posted

      I have tons of weird thought about life and existence. All questions that are not able v to be answered. I used to be bad about germs and washing my hands but now it's all existential stuff and it's annoying
    • allison1984
      allison1984 alison82593

      Posted

      I use to be all about germs aswell but stopped with that. I also have illness anxiety disorder so since I was 16 ive been obsessing about my heart and lungs and every other body organ, ive had ocd harm thoughts dont no if you're heard about harm thoughts there horrible and ive also got ocd fears about drugs and ive had a massive obsession about being phycotic this ones my biggest fear and with the ocd my head doesn't let up. Im not on medication are you taking any medication
    • alison82593
      alison82593 allison1984

      Posted

      I have also had all of those obsessions at one point. It's like when I get over one another obession starts. I've been prescribed risperdal for ocd. It's an off label use for it. I'm scared to try it. Then I have valium for my anxiety. I take like 1-2 a day but I heard they are highly addictive so I'm going to be asking my physcatrist for a different more long term anxiety med.
    • alison82593
      alison82593

      Posted

      The thing about our brains and the memories. It's like it's searching for a time we felt normal. That's why the memories pop up. How many times a day do the memories pop up in your head?
    • allison1984
      allison1984 alison82593

      Posted

      Omg yes im the same ill get over one obsession then pick another up i can go months without a big obsession them bam im hit with it sometimes I'll even start to obsess about something and ill get it out of my head really quickly then forgot about it then months later ill get the same obsession and ill run with it thats werid. I was prescribed luvox and took it for a bit but it

      Made me more foggy headed so stopped.

    • alison82593
      alison82593 allison1984

      Posted

      My dr was going to prescribe luvox but since my thoughts are literally non stop she said risperdal may be better. I'm hoping to get over this myself
    • allison1984
      allison1984 alison82593

      Posted

      The new psychiatrist im seeing he said he may prescribed a mild antiphycotic to calm my racing thoughts down but he said because ive got the depersonalization he wont. Its werid how ocd comes and goes i mean mines never completely gone but it can calm right down then out of the blue ill go through a rougher stage were i just cant be level headed its like i cant see clear other times ill think yeah whatever ocd p*ss of and it goes do find that too
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