Please Help!
Posted , 33 users are following.
Hi. I'm new to this forum. Does anyone out there have the same experience with depression? Because I honestly feel like the only person who feels like this and life feels hopeless. I was a happy, confident, positive person who enjoyed life. For the past 3 months, I've had severe clinical depression and anxiety. Life is hell. I am in hell. I feel suicidal every second of every day. It never stops. The feeling never leaves me. I have an intensely bad feeling in my head, like something is wrong with my brain. It came on suddenly. Every day is a living nightmare. I wake up with shaking legs, a pounding heart, butterflies, adrenaline rushes throughout my body and a feeling of "Oh no, how on earth am I going to get thought the day?" I hardly sleep. I hate going to sleep because I know how I'm going to feel when I wake up. It's torture. I sit at the edge of my bed and can't stop jigging my leg up and down. Every day is unbearable but I have to bear it because I can't commit suicide. I wonder what to do with my day. I've had days where I've stayed in bed and those are horrendous. Or I force myself to get up. Just having a bath is monumentally difficult. Getting dressed is horrible. Doing any housework is terrifying and so difficult. I make myself go out and see people. I don't know how I find the strength to do it but I do. I walk with my partner in the evening. But the feeling never leaves. Early on in the depression, I was able to 'click out'. I'd suddenly feel normal and the depression and anxiety would vanish and I'd be okay for the evening. This happened a few times. I thought I was making headway but then I had a shock. Since then I've been dreadful. I can't ever click out of it and it's with me 24/7, no matter what I do. I've tried diversions - reading, writing, art, talking to people, films, everything, but nothing helps. All the things I used to love, I no longer want to do. I've been on Citalopram for 4.5 weeks but it hasn't kicked in - if anything I feel worse. I've just started CBT - I'm working on my negative thoughts. I feel many times like my head is going to explode. My brain feels ill. If someone talks to me intently for any length of time, my head feels like it's on fire and I am losing my mind. I can't think properly. Perhaps it's the drugs. Who knows. I want my life back. I want me back. I don't know how to do it. How does anyone come back from this? Will I get better? Has anyone else experienced depression in the same way? I'm in hell.
7 likes, 52 replies
nina18549 meteor63
Posted
robert48881 meteor63
Posted
Hi meteor ,
I feel your pain ive had tremors and anxiety since i was young enough to tell i wasnt normal and because the only family that even care about me passed away im 28 yrs old now and its done so much damage to my life i fear im passed getting help i wont take pill because they only create problems , i also have in the past 6 years devoled some problem with my stomach im in intense pain 24\7 when the pain began years ago it wasnt so bad in fact my tremors were still manageable and i could still write and drive and work now i spent my days in the fetal position mostly it makes it much worse that not only do i not have anyone that cares but it taking it toll on the relationship with my wife i know she doesnt truly believe me even though ive had all these unusual sign such as be fore the some stomach problems i was in upwards of 350 lbs into the 1st yr of my stomach issues i list over 120 lbs. And at times it hurts so bad i really believe its killing me slowly ive passed out from the pain throbbing in the right side of abdomen ive thought of suicide so many times and i truly am ready to die but i cant go till i see my kids doing well in life but the will to live itself is long gone this is the strain on my relationship , people used to say i was really intelligent and funny and that i should be a comedian or engineer but my mind slowly fade it was harder and hard fir me to focus or remember anything i will forget what im speaking about in mid conversation my brain i just gone now and i dont get to remember the good memories of when i was really healthy aand happy honestly the only thing i really want is if u have ever felt this way u will be able to relate but have u ever been so overly happy about something and it almost like you feel like u will explode with happiness, i want to feel like that so badly. I cant remember the last time i spoke to anyone about this i haven't left my house in over a yr and no one but my wife even pretends to care my mother says im a liar and that im just not trying to help myself but i guess if i cant even leave the house for my kids then she is probably right
george_70022 meteor63
Posted
When I was 13 It felt like something zapped me of all of my life.... I think I might have social anxiety. .. I have never been checked out by any doctors or anything and I've been depressed ever since too... suicide thoughts every year. .. I'm 28 now... almost 29... I became a hermit for 10 years
Never had a girlfriend or any friends
Never got my license
Never even been employed any where before
I've always lived with family
There's nothing good about life
I don't even go to stores. .. I went 3 years without going outside when me and my family moved to the country.... I have never been really anywhere...
Girlynae meteor63
Posted
I'm going through it right now... it's incredibly frustrating and frightening to live this way
Hope you've found some peace