Please Help!

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Hi. I'm new to this forum. Does anyone out there have the same experience with depression? Because I honestly feel like the only person who feels like this and life feels hopeless. I was a happy, confident, positive person who enjoyed life. For the past 3 months, I've had severe clinical depression and anxiety. Life is hell. I am in hell. I feel suicidal every second of every day. It never stops. The feeling never leaves me. I have an intensely bad feeling in my head, like something is wrong with my brain. It came on suddenly. Every day is a living nightmare. I wake up with shaking legs, a pounding heart, butterflies, adrenaline rushes throughout my body and a feeling of "Oh no, how on earth am I going to get thought the day?" I hardly sleep. I hate going to sleep because I know how I'm going to feel when I wake up. It's torture. I sit at the edge of my bed and can't stop jigging my leg up and down. Every day is unbearable but I have to bear it because I can't commit suicide. I wonder what to do with my day. I've had days where I've stayed in bed and those are horrendous. Or I force myself to get up. Just having a bath is monumentally difficult. Getting dressed is horrible. Doing any housework is terrifying and so difficult. I make myself go out and see people. I don't know how I find the strength to do it but I do. I walk with my partner in the evening. But the feeling never leaves. Early on in the depression, I was able to 'click out'. I'd suddenly feel normal and the depression and anxiety would vanish and I'd be okay for the evening. This happened a few times. I thought I was making headway but then I had a shock. Since then I've been dreadful. I can't ever click out of it and it's with me 24/7, no matter what I do. I've tried diversions - reading, writing, art, talking to people, films, everything, but nothing helps. All the things I used to love, I no longer want to do. I've been on Citalopram for 4.5 weeks but it hasn't kicked in - if anything I feel worse. I've just started CBT - I'm working on my negative thoughts. I feel many times like my head is going to explode. My brain feels ill. If someone talks to me intently for any length of time, my head feels like it's on fire and I am losing my mind. I can't think properly. Perhaps it's the drugs. Who knows. I want my life back. I want me back. I don't know how to do it. How does anyone come back from this? Will I get better? Has anyone else experienced depression in the same way? I'm in hell.

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  • Posted

    Hi there,

    I am so sorry to hear about your depression and anxiety - life just suck when the Black Hound follows in your tracks!

    Because you mention anxiety and depression after a shock, I suspect that, just maybe, you had a sort of nervous breakdown.  You may think that the shock was too small for such a big reaction, but it is really sometimes the straw that broke the camels' back.  You could be kept prisoner by this mental state for years and the worst thing about all this is that you cannot control your own behaviour or reactions whatsoever.

    I rather believe in reprogramming one's own mind and behaviour, starting in being kind to yourself.  It is important that YOU decide what you are going to think and do next in any situation, by

    -  reciting some positive key phrases.  Never respond with negative answers;

    -  awarding yourself with a "hurray" in your mind when you managed a tricky

       situation;

    -  having a small adventure every day;

    -  turning mishaps to your advantage;

    -  loving life!  Yes, it sounds cheesy, but take a camera of any sort and off you go!    Try to take as many pictures as you can of your surroundings as a sort of photo

        diary.  It could be a bee pollunating a flower, birds, people, buildings, an alley

        cat...   

        Download it to your computer every night and edit your treasure of the day.  

        Zoom in to see the fantastic detail of everything.  Every day becomes a new

        expedition.  Remember, they ALL eat bread: birds, fishes, dogs, cats, the whole

        lot (just remember a respectful distance).  You then discover we are all alike:  

        the same emotions, struggles and attempts at survival every day!  There are so

        many friends (and photo's) to make out there, so many adventures to have for

        no money at all.  

        Never underestimate boredom:  it is a frustrating, empty, negative demon that

        infiltrates your mind, giving you time to think too much, accompanied by old

        ghosts of losses long gone. 

        I hope that your tattered soul and battered self may turn from painful

        introspection to unlocking life, which is all about colours, music, songs, dancing,

        running, nature, a nice sneeze, loving something or someone some way or

        another, and wonderful earth itself.

        It worked for me... 

       

       

        

        

       

    .  

  • Posted

    Hi,

    Well..it,s been a year,but i wanted to say it...hopefully it helps you.

    it,s been many years being in depression for me,yes,everyday,when i wake up at morning i feel to die...and for these years i coped it myself,as i was not able to tell it to my parents, you know they will be too a lot in tension. i live away from them,being unsuccessful,choosing a careerwhich i never wanted to,and still living. you know why?? i was spending some money on myself and suddenly a girl with torn clothes and picking rag was standing at the door of the shop.

    for a moment i was paralysed...i felt if she was in my place how would she feel...how happy she would be to get clothes,that money and that room i am living.

    is it really the end?? then i realised the problem is in me..and the problem is i donot know how to enjoy. it was hard to come back, but dear, i had that anger coming in me whenever i got depressed...the anger that am i weak to lose like this?? no i was not,i cried,i cried like hell,and believe  me it is good to cry,to cry for no reason,it helps,then i would become normal,and moved on.

    fact is i never gave up..

    it is raining outside. because i felt lonely today morning i cried,cried till my heart was silent,and then i was okay...and am happy,just now...i do what i like to...but i never give up...just do not give up,fight it..cry,or shout,but do it..if you will not do it,it will lead you to think of suicide...after crying everything seems clear to me,as if, i can see the beauty...there is a lot to say..i do not know if you are still in this site or not...hope you are fine..it is really tough am, 22 and this stuff is in my head,i want to enjoy.

    bye take care

  • Posted

    Hi meteor63,

    How are you doing, everything OK? I see that this post is 1 year old, I hope you're better smile

    I read a lot about vitamin and mineral deficiency on the web, many of them give all sorts of anxiety, panic atatcks, depression, but some doctors seem not to take that into account.

    It's just a thought, hope that helps smile

    James

  • Posted

    Depression is one of those things that you carry and know one can really understand as its based on your own experiences

    Honestly they way i delt with it is through meditation and self reflection, there is no reason for you to be unhappy, happiness is a really a matter of perception, you cant FEEL happy you either are happy or you are not happy

    google brainwave power music - it really helped me to start living my life

  • Posted

    Gosh i started feeling the same way to just after i graduated high school. I started loosing friennds and interest in alot of things due to my negativity thinking that im going to die at any moment. I was really lost scared and confused. At times i would try not to sob in my head i screamed for help. I didnt wanna look weak so i kept all my pain in. I faked myself to pretend to be happy. Its has worked but its cstches on to you. Honestly my depression was taking over my life. But what helped me the most was hope and being strong spirtually that i will make jt through the pain. Almost 2 years now have passed and i am slightly happier than i was before. Please just hold on take a vacation find someone interesting. Look at the details of life find something beautiful thatll cheer you up. Smile here and there. That always helped me even when i faked it. But now it lifts my spirits up gradually. Please hang on tight. Dont let your negative thoughts rule over you . Because only you can stop your brain from thinking those bad thoughts. My thoughts still come back here and there but i learned how to channel through it. Just know nothing bad will happen. Those chances are really unpredictable. Just live every minute and enjoy it God be with you
  • Posted

    Btw i recommend you stop doing drugs. If you have stopped doing them maybe its a side effect just be strong
  • Posted

    I am not a doctor, nor do I think I'm in a position to say definitively that I know everything, but what I can say is this....

    One day, a while ago, I went from being confident, strong and dependable to being quite anxious and feeling like I can't sit still.  It started with some weird symptoms, which I then became obsessive about, at the very same time I was going through moving and major life changes.  Then I started to worry about feeling confined or out of control.  

    I started taking medicine, at first just for panic attacks, which seemed to help some, but I was still excessively worried, to the point that I had to carry it with me all the time.  I was convinced to try an SSRI, which I took for 16 days and I felt so much worse, it scared me.  I couldn't sleep, I felt disinterested in everything and it was basically all from the drugs, as I had not ever had feelings like this before.

    Now to the positive point....

    For many people I think anxiety is a way of your body telling you you're dealing with too much.  For me, I believe what I was dealing with was an amazing level of stress and the more I pushed to get through it, the more my adrenaline level shot up.  The more normal that became for me, the more I pushed and pushed to accept the stress.  Once things snapped and I started feeling the anxiety and stress, I worried and began suffering from physical symptoms and then that turned into a new reason to worry.  Before you know it, you're not worrying just about the problems you needed to deal with, but the fact that you're not feeling normal and this is confusing or even scary, especially, because you're automatically assuming you're "mentally ill".

    In my case, the first time I had a "breakthrough" was when I accepted that medicine alone, wasn't the issue.  I started to realize that these medical feelings I was having was a result of anxiety and not dealing with the problems I needed to deal with.  When I started gradually facing them, I started to feel like I was no longer trapped; like I could control my own destiny.  You have to realize the feelings you're feeling are owned by you, take a deep breath, face them gradually and understand you do have the power to make your life whatever you want it to be.  

    For some people that may involved a therapist and having someone to "vent" to.  For some it might involve medication until they can feel more in control.  For some it might be making life changes that they've avoided and for others, it might be all 3 things, plus stuff I haven't even thought of.  

    The best thing I can say is get checked for anything you're worried about.  Deal with a doctor you trust, who listens to you and make sure there is no underlying issue.  See a therapist and be honest about your feelings.  Take stock of the things you feel confined by or the things you feel you "need" to do and gradually fix them.  You have the power to run your own life, truly.  If you start thinking about things in this manner and have the support of some loving people, you can accomplish anything.  

    The reality is most of us who deal with anxiety have a hard time accepting that it's anxiety and that doesn't mean don't get checked out, it just means, that we need to understand we have the power to make ourselves feel sick OR to make ourselves feel better.  So when we've accepted the path to feeling better and accepted that we're not "abnormal", we can release some of those worries and start moving towards enjoying life.  

    Best of luck to anyone who feels anxious.  Talk to someone, help each other and work towards health and happiness.  You definitely can regain it!

     

  • Posted

    My friend. I am going through exactly what you are going through. Every word you wrote is a description of what has been happening to me for the last year.. who in Hell can explain it?! And what do we do about it!? All I have been able to do is take it one day at  a time. sometimes, One minute at at time. I refuse suicide! If I die, I will be thankful, probably. But I'm can't , won't do it myself! I quit the drugs. I stopped clonazepam after 8 months of pure hell from it. It did brain damage! But still, I am in HELL. 4 months off of benzos, and I think I could go to hell for a vacation after I'm through with this.! I wish I knew what to tell you. If I did, I would know what to tell myselfl.

         I'm sure you've tried every supplement out there. Most of it can't begin to make a difference, or change the hell we're going through. I want my life back too, at least what I can remember of it. But who can help? God? I'm tired of hearing that God can help. Maybe He can, maybe He can't...I don't know.  All I know for sure is I'm still in Hell, God or Not!

         Email me. We're brothers in Hell.

    Emis Moderator comment: I have removed the email address as we do not publish these in the forums. If users wish to exchange contact details please use the Private Message service.

    http://patient.uservoice.com/knowledgebase/articles/398331-private-messages

  • Posted

    Meteor,

    How are you doing these days?

    I'm going through something similiar with the severe morning anxiety, severe depression, suicidal thoughts although I don't want to die, etc. I can't function, work, etc.

    This was all triggered by a potential legal issue that arose and I didn't do anything. It freaked me out and I just snapped, the situation lasted 6 weeks so the anxiety was feeding and feeding and now that it's done I'm just very, very messed up.

    • Posted

      Hello I am going through the same as you. Can you please contact me?
  • Posted

    I know how you feel just in a different help, honestly I came seeking for help but looks like you're in need of it more, me myself, I've always has friends that I talk to, but over time they disappeared, some say to move on, others just purely hate me... so now I just feel like why am I still alive, seeing that I'm not even in an situation like you, makes me want to rethink why I'm even complaining, please just know that you're not the only one, hope you feel better, just hang in there... here have a smiley face cheesygrin^
  • Posted

    Hi meteor63. I've been facing this problem since many years. My problem is very much similar to yours. My mind is obsessed and it is controlled by some thing which I can't describe. I don't know whether it is human/ God / devil. No clue. My problem got severe from 2 years and I always wanted to commit suicide but not able to do so far. It's very hard to sleep. Cannot work. Pretending to be happy. Almost similar to your situation. But their are many more problems that cannot be explained. Am fighting very hard day by day. I took vacation twice. That didn't help me much. Trying to be normal. I want my life back. I was very happening guy. Though my mind was preoccupied I was very happy before. But since 2 years am completely gone. Many of my family members and friends counseled me. But still am hopeless. Am fighting with people for silly reasons as I don't want to talk to anyone. Now almost I have no friend. Am not expressive. Don't know whether am writing what I wanted to post. If someone helps me on this I will be thankful to them through out my life
  • Posted

    Hi.

    Wow I thought I was bad and I have been through nightmare after nightmare. This is a pharmacological issue. I took pharmacology so I can tell you are having serious reactions to the drug you are on. Maybe you should switch brands? I would see your health practioner for better assistance on this pronto!!! Good luck!

  • Posted

    Just read this,are you still out there, are you still living in hell??? I know I am.. Maybe we can share..
  • Posted

    Hi Metor63

    My problem is same as you

    Everything is same as you just everything

    Please please help me

    Please

    Are there any any medecins ??

    Plz rply

    I needed

    Plz

     

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