Please help ! I’m having terrible pain during intercourse and despite 2 steroid injections.

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I’m almost 50 and can’t believe my sex life is over. The pain is awful and it’s not even at full penetration, my partner is so patient but I’m becoming so down. Anyone else been through this and been treated successfully? 

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  • Posted

    I need some more info to understand what the problem may be. Do you have pain at any other time? Is it continuous or does anything else bring the pain on? Is it external or internal? Does it persist as a burning sensation after intercourse? Are you going through perimenopause? Have you become dryer down there? What were the steroid injections for - did you have a specific diagnosis for that treatment?
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    • Posted

      Hiya

      Yes I’m very dry and probably on the start of menopause although my periods are regular as clockwork. The gym doctor says it’s a muscle and has injected area twice within 3 weeks both injections at different spots. The pain is internally and the only way I can describe it is that if feels like a stitch  irritating the area , I remember exact same feeling just after having my daughter where they had stitched me. The feeling inside is agonising and feels like razor blades and if I urinate after it stinging like mad. My private is still sore and that’s 3 days since trying to attempt intercourse and like I said my partner had barely tried. Thanks for getting back to me. X

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    • Posted

      I should say this all started around 2 years ago when my partner and I were having intercourse and an area got very sore and started bleeding. I went to GP who referred me to gyn clinic and was put oestrogen pessaries which I even had trouble inserting. Had to go in at a very strange angle. It feels as though there is a bone or something in my vagina that’s stopping anything going in and I thought I actually had a prolapse but doctor says no. I only get the pain whilst trying to have sex , cannot stand the penetration and my partner has barely even started. They say it may be the muscle that’s needs relaxing hence the injections. 
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    • Posted

      Hi. I had to have pelvic physical therapy to get past the pain. The muscles get so tight they will not relax.  Once you have pain with sex... it becomes a circle.... sex: pain: fear: etc.   I've been in therapy now for 7 months and I'm really getting better and better.  It takes awhile, but its so worth it! Ask your doctor for a referral and give it a try. You can also try progressive relaxation. There are plenty of videos about this on YouTube. I use these every night. 

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  • Posted

    If the dr (what is a gym dr?) says it is a muscle I assume he/she is referring to vaginismus where the muscles in the vagina go into spasm and don’t expand to let the penis in easily. This usually happens when the woman has had painful intercourse, so expects it to be painful and is unrelaxed and anxious, anticipating the pain, and therefore causing the muscles spasm, which causes intercourse to be painful, and so on - it is a vicious circle. But what cause intercourses to be painful for you in the first place? It could just be that you are dry. I have been gradually getting dryer and dryer for a couple of years (I am 51), at first I coped with applying coconut oil and vit e oil on a daily basis and we could still manage gentle intercourse with plenty of lubricant. I also took sea buckthorn oil (3g a day has been shown to improve the condition and thickness of the virginal wall which is deteriorating and getting thinner due to menopause, but doesn’t improve lubrication). However a few months ago the dryness got to a point where intercourse became painful so I started using oestrogen cream (ovestin) in the vagina and I am so pleased I did, my vagina soon became much more youthful, elastic and naturally lubricated and sex is wonderful.
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    • Posted

      Sorry that was a spelling error , meant gynaecologist. I’m grateful for all your help just wish I could be cured. I will try some of the creams you’ve talked about. I’m the the UK so will ask what creams are available. I’ve heard that Botox injections into the area help and usually you’re cured after 2 bouts of injections, I did ask my doctor about this and even offered to pay. I just feel my life has come to a stand still but I feel so young inside. This whole thing is really depressing me , surely this can’t be it for me ! 
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    • Posted

      Don’t worry, it isn’t it for you. That is what HRT is for - to prolong our youth. Without ovestin I would have had to give up sex a while ago. If you do have vaginismus you can retrain the muscle down there not to anticipate pain. I managed to do that following vulvodynia - I used a book called seven steps to pain free sex by Claudia Amherd. It does take time, you need to be patient and determined, but it is possible to have sex over age 50. However, you need to refrain from penetrative sex until you are ready, or you will set yourself back. After 2 years of vulvodynia then vaginismus I got my sex life back.
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    • Posted

      Hi Suki girl, I've been trying to find the post where you mentioned Pelvic exercises, etc. Could you post that book again? I'm

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  • Posted

    Dear Tammi,

    Yes I have been through that repeatedly.  I've had pelvic physical therapy which helped a lot!  I highly recommend it.  That being said, there are other things you can do too. Try a vibrator to relax first. I also have used dilators.  You start with the smallest size and gradually move up in size.  Make sure you always use lots of lubrication when using dilators.  Ask your doctor which kind as there are lots of them. Do not have sex again until you are pain free. The pain causes a merry go round effect which is extremely difficult to get off of.  Sex - pain-fear- pain.... 

    Yes my treatment has been successful.  Also on YouTube there are exercises you can do to relax before having sex.  If you want to know what kind of dilators I use, please message me. I don't think we can list things here.   Best wishes and take care!   Debi

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    • Posted

      Hi Debi and thank you so much. I have invested in the dilatory , a set of 4 and have been using smallest size for over a week now and think there may be light at end of tunnel. They seem to be helping so I will remain focused and positive and hopefully in time I will have my sex lifetime back. Thanks again 

      Jenny

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    • Posted

      It will take awhile so be patient and use lots of lubrication. I also use Vagisil Complete Moisturizing Gel. It helps too. But if you are having pain and irritation, then just use lube. It does work! If you try a bigger size and it hurts, then go back down one size. If you rush it, like I did once, then you reinforce touch with pain. You don't want that! Take care. Debi

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  • Posted

    The relaxation technique, pelvic floor exercises and mental exercises are all in that book I recommended. It takes you through the steps to gradually build yourself up to inserting a finger, then two, then using the dilators, then tip of penis, etc, until you can fit the whole penis in without pain and move. Take it gradually and do not have sex until you are ready to.
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    • Posted

      Hiya Suki. Yes I bought the book and I’m doing everything that’s recommended in book including relaxation techniques and pelvic exercises. I feel like I have finally turned a corner. Thank you so much for all your help and information. 

      Jenny 

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    • Posted

      If you are already using the small dilator you are doing well - it took me months before I could use it. Remember to use lots of lube!
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    • Posted

      Oh that’s so good to hear. I’ve emailed Durex a company that does condoms and lubricants to suggest a vaginal pessary that is a lubricant that could melt over a 30 minute period in the vagina so that you are ready for penetration after foreplay and need less lubricant at this stage. I really think this would be a fantastic thing especially for women starting and during menopause. I hope the get back to me and will let you know how I get on and continue to use the book and tips you have given me. Thanks. 

      Jenny

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    • Posted

      I just squirt in some yes oil base lube - you can get it in vaginal applicators - just before I pop him in. There are vit e and coconut oil pessaries that I insert before I go to bed which stay in all night and just drip out in the morning when I go to the loo.
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