Please help ! I’m having terrible pain during intercourse and despite 2 steroid injections.

The organic oil based lube (tubes and applicators) is from Yes. Since starting on ovestin I don’t need the silicone lube, but still use loads of oil based lube.

Hi Stephanie 

Thank you for your message. That must have been awful for you to have this problem at such a young age , I’m almost 50 so I expected this to only affect women in my age group. Yes the exercises help massively and my doctor has also given me some prescription medication which I take orally 40 minutes before attempting lovemaking. Unfortunately my partner is not so understanding any more and can’t seem to accept that I have to get used to all sizes of dilators before attempting full sex so it may be a while yet before we can even attemp sex. I hope he can allow for this otherwise there would be no point being with him as I feel he is trying to rush things along but my muscles can’t quite allow it yet. I’m so happy you feel you are finally getting somewhere and hopefully in time I will be the same. 

Jenny

Tammi, whatever you do DON’T succumb to your fiancés advances / wants. If you do you will set yourself back in your recovery and all that treatment time would have been wasted. I wish I had never had that Pap smear test when I was nearly better, but it was a health issue - don’t want cervical cancer, right?

Hi Jenny,

I'm so sorry your partner isn't being very supportive. I'm not sure if you've tried bringing him along to your doctor appointments or not, that's what I did. I think he didn't believe me in the beginning then he saw everything I was going through trying to get help, then the final doctor I've been seeing explained to him what it must be like and he finally got on board to help completely. He totally thought it was in my head. Do you know what the medication is you were prescribed? I'm hoping I won't ever need it, but just in case it comes back. I had no clue how many women were affected by these issues, I'm sorry anyone has to go through it but glad I'm not alone. A huge portion of my family lives in Scotland, that's where my mom was born and raised actually, I love it there (although your summer is about our winter where I live! Sacramento, CA) very smart that you aren't letting him push you into it, it'll only make things worse, I tried so many times to just let it happen so he would see I was trying but it made it SO much worse! At the time, I didn't know of anyone who had gone through it or what my problem was so didn't know it would get worse because of that. I hope you get better soon.

Hi Stephani

My partner and I actually split up 4 weeks ago. He was never interested in coming into any appointments I had with doctor, I think he thought it was in my head but if you read my reply to Suki it explains a lot of things. He hurt me during sex , not purposely but enough to cause this chain of events. The medication iv next prescribed is called Diazapam , not sure of the generic name in the US. I usually get these prescribed when I’m flying to calm my nerves , they are really good , just makes you calm and a very slight feeling of well being , totally relaxes you and you can have a glass of wine with it but I will be having whisky with mine when the time arises 😂. I’m from a wee seaside town called Irvine, it on the west coast of Scotland, I love it here though the weather could be better lol. 

Thank you Suki

I will definitely not be trying penetration with my partner until I have succeeded using all the various sizes of dilators without any issues. I will continue with my pelvic floor exercises and breathing techniques and when I feel I am relaxed enough I will pop one of my prescribed pills and maybe have a glass of wine and perhaps kissing and cuddling and see how far we can get without issues. I’m gonna take my time and if it’s months before it happens then so be it but it will be on my terms. If he loves me he will understand. Thank you for all your help. I live in Scotland in the UK so it’s great to see how women all over the world are affected by this. 

There are other things you can do for him What parts of your privates are affected? I was lucky enough that my clitoris was not affected (just the skin posterior to my vulva and the perineum), and one thing that is quite therapeutic for vulvodynia is clitoral distraction  - I didn’t feel any pain when my hubby was distracting me with his fingers or tongue. So perhaps there are things he can do for you?

HI Suki 

My clitoris still works fine thankfully 😅 it’s tge inner muscle of my vagina on left hand side. Around 2 years ago my partner was rather rough with his fingers during foreplay and caused a slight tear which started to bleed. We lay off intercourse for around a week to allow me to heal but each time after it would bleed again. I consulted my doctor who gave me creams to help aid recovery of tear which it did but after several attempts at lovemaking entry could not be gained , it was like something was in the way and stopping penetration. I was then referred to a gynaecologist who came to realise that the muscle was going into spasm when attempting sex. He told me that because my partner had been so rough and hurt me that my brain was already anticipating pain and this was causing the muscle to spasm. My partner can be selfish at times and isn’t really into foreplay. Even before I got the diagnosis I would ask him to buy lubricant to make things easier and he was never happy to do it. I should also mention we are no longer together as I felt he wasn’t supportive enough and wanted to forge ahead regardless of my pain or tearing. I have had the past month on my own and just concentrating on my breathing and relaxing, exercises and learning to train myself again with the dilators. I know I’m almost 50 but I still intend to be sexually active for as long as I can. It’s great exercise 😂

Sorry you had an inconsiderate partner. While I was reading your post I thought it sounds like you were anticipating the pain and therefore your muscles would tighten up, creating that barrier to entry you were talking about, then I read what your gynae said and it seems he agreed with me! LOL 😂 I’m not a dr, I’ve just read and research so much about vulval pain I’ve become a bit of an expert!

I’m just over 50 and thanks to my determination to cure my vulvodynia and now oestrogen cream to help with the menopausal dryness I’m still enjoying  sex and hope to for many years more.

Oh Suki 

Your message made me smile. It’s nice to know I’m not alone and great to have someone who knows exactly what I’m talking about. Yes I now realise my partner was hindering my progress , this proved in the past 4 weeks. I have managed more on my own in 4 weeks than in the past 2 years when the problems started. I think my partner was sexually frustaded which I can understand but his lack of interest in my well being and progression was becoming unbearable and that was putting pressure on me to. I’m also glad to hear I’m not the only “ only older lady “ who still wants to have a sex life. You have no idea how good it is to chat to someone who’s been through it all. Thank you x

Tammi, I can’t remember - are you in perimenopause? Are you on HRT? After suffering with vulvodynia for 2 years, then having some time of pain free sex, I then got vaginal dryness due to perimenopause (in fact I was probably already in perimenopause some years earlier and all the hormonal  chaos probably contributed to the persistent thrush and subsequently the vulvodynia). I managed for a while using natural oils and my own diminishing vaginal lubrication. Then suddenly, something major changed and my periods stopped, I got hot flushes and completely dry down there. Why I mention this is because it was then that when I tried to put my hubby in, even with the tonnes of oily lube (the bed would get such an oily mess!), I would get this kind of catching feeling, like he could go only so far in then catch against something. That sounds a bit like what you were experiencing - like something was stopping him going in any further. Than was when I tried the oestrogen vaginal cream and, thank goodness, sex became wonderful again. I was just wondering about your situation with menopause / vaginal dryness / vaginal atrophy. 

The Mona Lisa laser is actually used for vaginal dryness to make sex more pleasurable again because even at my age, this has become a problem due to the condition. I also use estrogen cream, rub it in really well into the areas that are the problem and it should make a difference, I just started yesterday as my doctor said I'm finally ready to try it.

Hi Suki

I think I’m pre menopause as I’m still having regular periods but I’m onset for menopause as I am already experiencing the dryness down below but I have to be honest , I think the injury I sustained 2 years previously with my partner started the ball rolling as everything im struggling with now seemed to come straight after , almost like a shock to my system. I also have an itch that comes with the dryness but it’s not constantly there. I’ve had bloods done and they have said I’m at start of menopause now. They have given me oestrogen vaginal pessaries which I’m only just managing to use now as my vagina would not allow entry even for something as slim as a pen. Yes your situation sounds very like mine , felt like someone had placed a barricade at a certain point in my vagina and it almost felt like you could enter so far then there became an obstruction in the way. I’m gonna ask doctor for the oestrogen cream since you feel that has helped you. Thanks again x

Hi Suki

I also meant to say that the feeling I got while attempting entry was like a bone was in the way because it felt so hard as though banging into a brick wall. I actually thought my pelvis had moved and everything was misaligned, that’s the only way I can describe it. I then thought could I have had a prolapse but then I got my diagnosis. 

Hi Stephani 

That’s great to know and will definitely speak to my doctor about it. Not sure if I will be allowed it because I’m older but no harm asking x

If you stick a finger up there and tighten those muscles you will feel that they are rock hard. Mine are, anyway - perhaps it’s all those pelvic floor exercises I’ve been doing - if only it was so easy to get rock hard abs!

I had the same thing happen, it literally was unpenetratable and feels rock hard. I found if you do internal massages of that tissue regularly and for as long as you can at each time, it eventually gets easier to penetrate. Also, the Mona Lisa is actually made for older women than myself, I'm one of the younger patients they have used it on, it's actually created for vaginal dryness due to menopause. You can definitely have it done based off of age alone. Talk to your doctor, it is a game changer and I'd spend the money sooner if I had known about it earlier.

Where do you live Stephanie? I didn’t think they offered the Mona Lisa in the U.K.

I live in Roseville, California in the United States. I found a link for a place in the UK that does Mona Lisa but it wouldn't let me send the link. BMI healthcare UK has something about it though.

Ok. Thanks. Maybe something for the future. I’m managing ok at the moment. Plus I don’t like the idea of being burnt by a laser in there. It’s not natural. It sound to me like one of those things where in some years time they will be finding long-term side effects.

Had I found natural remedies sooner I would have tried it out first, I'm not a fan of medicine and having procedures done but at this point in time, I'm quite happy I chose to go that route. If they do find side effects later, at least I will have been able to enjoy my youth pain free.

Oh, sure. I wasn’t critising your decision. Whatever works for you! I planned to have a nice natural water birth, but as soon as the “I’m in hell” (I actually said that) labour pain started I was like - just make it stop, NOW! and in went the epidural. Sometimes natural is an ideal that doesn’t work out in practice. Hey, we live in an age of fantastic medical advancement, may as well take advantage of it!

That's what I was thinking too! My grandma never uses medicine, she does everything holistic if possible but sometimes it doesn't work. I much prefer going that route but whatever it takes to make it go away I was up for. I've never had a kid but I like the idea of all natural but probably would take an epidural once I felt the pain haha

I’ve had this discussion before - my gran (now long dead) never mentied menopause. I don’t think they had HRT in the 1950s. I guess they just got on with it (Dunkirk spirit and all that). But my mum and all my aunties were automatically put on HRT before they had even started menopause. Now that we know more about the risks, we are more cautious.

Tammi, sorry to butt in. I had to have pelvic physical therapy to get those muscles to relax.  Maybe ask your doctor for a referral. It really helps to have that physical therapy! They are the only ones who really can fix it.  Best wishes

Hi Debbie and thanks for your message. I am waiting for an appointment for hospital to have physical therapy but in the meantime I will continue with the exercises I’m doing on my own with help from a book that was recommended to me 7 Steps To Pain Free Sex which has been a godsend to me. 

Hi Suki 

Just wanted to ask how often you use the oestrogen cream and how far in you apply it ? Just want to know I’m doing everything right as I know you’ve said you have progressed so well x

What cream do you have? Mine comes with an applicator that I fill up to a certain level, then I insert it in as far as it will go and push the applicator plunger to deposit the cream deep inside. I do this just before I go to bed. It says to do it lying down in bed before you sleep, so that nine drips out. It crouch down to do it then get straight into bed. It doesn’t seem to drip out with me, but I had my children by c-section  

With it deep inside my gp said it should have an effect on the whole of the vagina, but I do put a little blob on my finger and wipe it around the opening to help the vulva tissues too (my gp said I could do that).

Can I advise that becore you insert it just put a little on your outer skin to see if you get on ok with it and don’t have a reaction.

Hi Suki 

Yes I have exactly same applicator which I insert cream with , was just wondering if I should apply by hand to inner lips to to help rebuild lining around that area x

Yes, I apply at little bit around the vaginal opening too.