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PLEASE Help Me get off 9 Zopiclone a day 7.5mg

Posted , 14 users are following.

MidnightLady
MidnightLady

This is so difficult for me to write down but I cannot carry on like this anymore I am so desperate for help & tried everything I can all to no avail, I’m so sorry but whoever reads will need the background info to understand why I am making plans to end my life right now (Tears are falling i love my family so much & am no good to them)

I am a 48yr old lady, I'm married (it was my 2nd marriage & was our 14th anniversary yesterday) with 4 grown up children with families of their own & a 14 year old son at home.

I have suffered Agoraphobia for years & clinical depression since my teens.

I never saw my biological father, apparently, he was already married when My Mum conceived me & I am ONE month older than my half sister. (I found this out when I looked everywhere & eventually found my biological Father & was abandoned by him yet again,, that hurt..)

I don't know if Mum was put off men for life or was born this way but from then on she was a very feminine lesbian (I still was bullied all my childhood due to this) Mum had no more children so I have no siblings, 

When I was 4 my Mum had a partner with a new baby & I loved him to bits to me he was my Brother, but when I was 12 & my little brother was 7 they split up & he was taken away from me, I was heartbroken.

One year later my Uncle took his own life, he was the only male influence I ever had in my life he was only 44 years old, he always refused to have children as he said he wasn't allowing all the depression he would pass on genetically to make their lives a misery.

Mum had various partners throughout my teenage years & I always swore if I could I would be married & have plenty of children so they would have each other & never be lonely, picked on & bullied like me!

I was 17 when I had my firstborn & 19 when I had my second born, unfortunately I didn't choose wisely, & being badly beaten became a weekly occurrence, the police always called it 'a domestic' & wouldn't help until he raped a woman & asked me to go in a police car to all the addresses I knew he went to so they could find him & arrest him (I was 7 months pregnant with the second baby at this time & it was a massive shock) they eventually found him, arrested him & he was sent to prison.

In all this time I was very close to Mum, she had me young there were only 19 years between us & we were more like sisters than Mother & Daughter, she helped me with the 2 children - the first born in 1983 & the second born in 1985 (both girls)

I got married for the first time in 1986 & thought everything would be fine, he seemed so nice, kind & helpful & I thought we would be so happy so had another little girl in 1987 (she had Tonic Clonic Epilepsy all her childhood until she became a Mother herself)

unfortunately, this marriage became very very rocky too with violence & gambling, so I divorced him, but was silly & even though we were divorced I kept forgiving him when he cried & was so sorry allowing him to come home numerous times & even had another baby our first boy in 1993 (who was diagnosed with A.D.H.D) but things did not get any better & when he smashed a vase my children had got me for Mothers day something snapped & I moved & finished it for good,

my Mum was a godsend If I wasn't seeing her, we were on the phone, she helped me so so much.

In 1997 I met who is my husband now & I could not wish for a better husband or step-Dad & we had a baby boy of our own in 1999 & married in 2000 where my Mum gave me away in church,

Life was wonderful for the next 5 years apart from the heartache of Martin's Mum having Dementia & Alzheimers until 2006 when my Husband's Father died of Pneumonia, then two weeks later my husband’s Auntie died & after her funeral, Martin's only sibling his Brother who was only 43 fell down the stairs here at home & suffered irreversible brain damage & we had to face the decision to have his life support machine turned off & we took the heartbreaking decision to allow him to be an organ donor.

We then had to move into the house we are in now to take care of my Mother-In-Law until she needed more medical care & we had no option than to ask for help & it was decided she needed professional nursing in a home in 2008 & we sadly lost her in 2009.

The straw that has broken the camel’s back with me, is my Mum began getting a lot more tummy troubles in 2012 & was repeatedly told it was I.B.S,  she'd had 3 hernia operations, gallstones removed & numerous tummy ops the previous few years.

Christmas 2012, Mum couldn't eat her dinner so I knew there was a problem, I had her to the Dr who sent her for scans, blood tests etc etc nothing was out of the ordinary other than a few black spots on her liver then they admitted her to hospital for the day for a liver scan.

On 13th June last year she was called in to see an Oncologist, we had no idea what we were about to be told: (of course I was with her)

Mum had stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer which had spread, he gave her a couple of weeks to maybe a month & there was nothing other than palliative care they could do, he was willing to give her a couple of courses of very mild chemo but he was afraid it would only give her a few extra days, I fainted & fell off the chair, Mum jumped at the chance of Chemo, she was willing to try anything she was the bravest I have ever seen anyone! 

Imagine waking up every morning knowing you are going to die anytime! 

I went straight to see my own Dr Smith, who was so so nice, I explained everything to her, including that I had just found out that I also have a 50% chance of getting the exact same Pancreatic Cancer with us being immediately related!! Dr Smith sent me for a scan & as I was shaking like a leaf & an utter complete mess, not sleeping, not even being able to think straight at all, she prescribed me the lowest dose of Zopiclone to take one at night & they helped me so so much! She also prescribed Diazepam but I didn't take those, I just wanted escapism & to sleep!

ONE Macmillan nurse visited my Mum & he really upset her 

Practice nurses from Mum's GP only went a few times over a couple of week &

On 12 October I FOUND MY MUM DEAD ON THE COMMODE!!

I was & still am absolutely devastated, (not to mention losing 2.5 stone) I feel dead myself & began doing something so so stupid & that was buying more Zopiclone at the higher dose of 7.5ml from the internet  then taking 3 tablets THREE times a day !!! 

I just couldn't face life & wanted to sleep but recently, I did lot's of thinking & realised I couldn't carry on like this, I had a life & a family & Mum wouldn't want this so didn't order any from the internet but I have never ever been so ill in all my life!!! I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep that's all but it was pure horrific hell - I cannot state how horrific it was - if anyone has seen the original Exorcist take note it WAS the worst weekend ever & I have had 5 children & can usually deal with pain but this- not cold sweats, shaking, shivering, jerking, can't sit or lay down long, can't breathe, feel anxious, trembling, stomach cramps, toilet every 10 minutes, scary thoughts then... no sleep, too weak to even wash!!! 

I went to see my Dr twice on my own & left my hubby in the waiting room (he was due a hernia op the following week & I didn't want him worrying as he thinks taking an asprin is brave)

 I had already written it all down, the lot, & she agreed with me that weaning was the best way & to come back in a fortnight which is tomorrow but she didn't prescribe me anything) so I have had to find some on the net again as there is no way I can go through that cold turkey ever ever again no way!!

I can't stop crying here

I have made a graph of sorts where I cut down (I bought a pill cutter) slowly each day for a week, then more the week after etc etc, I have worked out doing it this way will take six weeks altogether. I’ve also told my hubby everything now he has had his op & is ok & is being his usual supportive self, he is my rock & I love him so so much, I am more ashamed than anything, we were selling our house which has been for sale 3 yr & our neighbours decided to buy it before Xmas which would have given us a fresh start but yesterday we was given backword, they cannot get a mortgage.

So now I have to see my Dr tomorrow morning with my hubby & haven’t a clue what will happen, I won’t be able to cope with just one 7.5 at night or the cold turkey will start

Could anyone advise me please I would appreciate it literally with my life?

I don't want to die I really don't 

1 like, 107 replies

107 Replies

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  • jennifer43132
    jennifer43132 MidnightLady

    Posted

    Hi all. So sorry it has taken such a long time to reply - I am in NZ and the times are all different. Sounds like many of you are going through some awful stuff - hang in there and be kind to yourself. Remember if you are struggling with sleep, anxiety and meds you need to be kind to yourself. I struggle with that too and there are things I find that help me like reading about sleep hygiene, eating healthily, exercise, music, treating myself to something nice (even if it is just like having my favourite meal) and if possible being around nature and appreciating things like gardens while being creative at times with things like poetry. It definitely is a struggle to reduce zopiclone and give yourself some credit for coming through so much and your good care and support of others. You could write down or print off the information from Keith's links or what you have found yourself. Also you could bring someone with you to a medical appointment as an advocate like a friend or someone that can support you. I have had to do that before and it reduces the pressure. The last link I put above here if you click on it there is a line you can ring that may provide some good advice and support. About specifically reducing the zopiclone slowly is best and when I do possibly next week (after talking to my GP and getting support if available from nurses) I am going to by a quarter of one 7.5mg pill every second night as I have been advised. I think you can get something from the pharmacy to break them down easier - but if not don't panic with advice from a GP even by half a zopiclone I am sure could be effective once every two or three nights then every other night back to the normal dose. I will ask about it when I see my GP. If all the information states clearly that it should be done slowly you have every right to ensure this happens. My advice would be ring and access all support lines and services - I am sure they would be aware of this problem and could provide some good advice. Zopiclone is a very strong medication and as advised is good short term - I guess doctors are aware of the severe effects of it that is why they are cutting back with it - I am sure a lot of it is in your best interests don't worry. I am going to talk about a plan for reducing it and strategies for coping when anxious. I also have to remember all the strategies I have been told and learnt after such a long time dealing with stress, anxiety and poor sleep. I do find being kind to myself is hard but goes a long way. I find reminding myself that these are medical problems and like any medical issue it needs the upmost care and is suffering from something so like having cancer remember you need care and kindness. I am glad I have slept well most of the time on this but I guess doctors and nurses do not get everything right and I am sure there are many people who can advocate, understand and create awareness of these issues. It is not fair to keep suffering from this but I am sure things will improve. Once more support services are more aware of the effects of withdrawal here is hoping they will be a lot kinder. Writing away and being an advocate yourself I find can be quite overcoming. I just saw a friend from church today and it really brightened up things for me - my faith brings me through and God definetly cares even if it seems as though medical services are not aware of all issues associated with zopiclone. Take heart, be kind to yourself, and be careful. I have to remind myself of things like that knowing that panic attacks, hallucinations and anxiety assoiciated with reducing medications means I do have to be kind, look after myself and others (which you are all doing really well) deserves a lot of credit. You are all so good at supporting each other - keep remembering your strengths and abilities - everyone has them and everyone has positive qualities. 
    • MidnightLady
      MidnightLady jennifer43132

      Posted

      I'm sorry it took so long to reply Jennifer, I've got the dentist this morning & am trying to build myself up to get there (agoraphobia & damn panic attacks)

      I would love a big meal but had a gastric bypass so cant each much & what I do eat comes through my system really quickly - I am wondering logically, this is what will be happening with my zopiclone too isn't it, no wonder I'm suffering all the damn time xxxxxxxxxxxxx

       

  • MidnightLady
    MidnightLady

    Posted

    I wish we all had each others email addresses, it feels odd being moderated, I have visions of my Gp sat here reading everything lol xxxxx
    • vicky86909
      vicky86909 MidnightLady

      Posted

      Hi midnight what does moderated mean sorry if its a silly question am new to this xx 
    • jennifer43132
      jennifer43132 vicky86909

      Posted

      Moderated just means they eliminate parts of a message if not suitable. They did that with mine too and told me they did not want links repeated and would prefer ones from this website. It is quite a bit wierd but don't worry I am sure they will allow most. You are supporting and caring for each other really well. Take care.
  • jennifer43132
    jennifer43132 MidnightLady

    Posted

    Sounds awful what you are going through with your health. Do see your GP to very slowly reduce the zopiclone. Hang in there. I will be praying for you. I might not find it not stressful when I reduce mine next week. Will keep you posted. I also will put on a new post soon that may provide some good advice because of my experience of mental health and my experience working in that field. You are great and have a lot of strength to come through what you have been through. And you are good at caring for others. Take care hun xoxo
  • eleanor77133
    eleanor77133 MidnightLady

    Posted

    The recommended route to wean off Zopiclone is Diazepam.  Been there, took nothing like some of the dosages mentioned on here. When the Olympics were on in 2013 there was a back-load of items held in customs and my zopiclone was two week late. In that time, progresively I became so anxious that every day that passed without them arriving was a nightmare.  I finished up have seizures, never known before in my life. I also suffer with horrible tinnitus associated with those seizures for weeks.  Fortunately a friend was with me that weekend and I had another just as I arrived at hospital and, apparently, lost control of my waterworks too.  I was shaking beyound belief but it was controlled with Diazepam which my GP said was much less addictive and easier to wean off. Regardsless, a year later I would love to find a source of supply but would never take on a regular basis or at a high dose.
    • julie1111
      julie1111 eleanor77133

      Posted

      hi eleanor just the person who maybe able to help me.. i am weaning off zopiclone and was given diazepam yesterday to help me do this! could u please tell me your experiences of using diazepam to come off zopiclone .xxx
  • denyse07327
    denyse07327 MidnightLady

    Posted

    You can use 4 days to sleep then 4 days without. You ll end up sleeping anyway.

    Get that load off your back, please smile

  • steven12310
    steven12310 MidnightLady

    Posted

    Dear Midnight Lady

    You clearly have had a hell of a crap life till now hun but one thing stands out and that is you have been strong enough to cope with it until now so dont give up. I know it takes a lot of mental strength to deal with the problem life throws at you. I was a soldier for 25 years, got blown up twice and each time had to come off high dosages of morphine cold turkey, I have had PPMS for 15 years and ten of those have been taking Zoplicone which I also had to wean myself off. I still get a prescription for taking one every night but I only take one when the pain of my MS is very severe. It is not easy but once you have committed to doing it your half way there. They also gave me morphine for the MS pain but each time I got used to the dose they just doubled it until I was almost a zombie and I went cold turkey on that too. It took almost 6 months before I got back to normal and despite what pain I have I will never take morphine again. You also have to be careful about substituting it with other tablets as they are all addictive in some way or another. The trouble is sympathy does not help you in any way, only you can deal with it in your own way so dont be persuaded by others no matter how good their intent. you seem to be doing all the right things and talking to your husband about it and getting his support will help more than anything else. Stay strong honey and you will get there

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