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PLEASE Help Me get off 9 Zopiclone a day 7.5mg

Posted , 14 users are following.

MidnightLady
MidnightLady

This is so difficult for me to write down but I cannot carry on like this anymore I am so desperate for help & tried everything I can all to no avail, I’m so sorry but whoever reads will need the background info to understand why I am making plans to end my life right now (Tears are falling i love my family so much & am no good to them)

I am a 48yr old lady, I'm married (it was my 2nd marriage & was our 14th anniversary yesterday) with 4 grown up children with families of their own & a 14 year old son at home.

I have suffered Agoraphobia for years & clinical depression since my teens.

I never saw my biological father, apparently, he was already married when My Mum conceived me & I am ONE month older than my half sister. (I found this out when I looked everywhere & eventually found my biological Father & was abandoned by him yet again,, that hurt..)

I don't know if Mum was put off men for life or was born this way but from then on she was a very feminine lesbian (I still was bullied all my childhood due to this) Mum had no more children so I have no siblings, 

When I was 4 my Mum had a partner with a new baby & I loved him to bits to me he was my Brother, but when I was 12 & my little brother was 7 they split up & he was taken away from me, I was heartbroken.

One year later my Uncle took his own life, he was the only male influence I ever had in my life he was only 44 years old, he always refused to have children as he said he wasn't allowing all the depression he would pass on genetically to make their lives a misery.

Mum had various partners throughout my teenage years & I always swore if I could I would be married & have plenty of children so they would have each other & never be lonely, picked on & bullied like me!

I was 17 when I had my firstborn & 19 when I had my second born, unfortunately I didn't choose wisely, & being badly beaten became a weekly occurrence, the police always called it 'a domestic' & wouldn't help until he raped a woman & asked me to go in a police car to all the addresses I knew he went to so they could find him & arrest him (I was 7 months pregnant with the second baby at this time & it was a massive shock) they eventually found him, arrested him & he was sent to prison.

In all this time I was very close to Mum, she had me young there were only 19 years between us & we were more like sisters than Mother & Daughter, she helped me with the 2 children - the first born in 1983 & the second born in 1985 (both girls)

I got married for the first time in 1986 & thought everything would be fine, he seemed so nice, kind & helpful & I thought we would be so happy so had another little girl in 1987 (she had Tonic Clonic Epilepsy all her childhood until she became a Mother herself)

unfortunately, this marriage became very very rocky too with violence & gambling, so I divorced him, but was silly & even though we were divorced I kept forgiving him when he cried & was so sorry allowing him to come home numerous times & even had another baby our first boy in 1993 (who was diagnosed with A.D.H.D) but things did not get any better & when he smashed a vase my children had got me for Mothers day something snapped & I moved & finished it for good,

my Mum was a godsend If I wasn't seeing her, we were on the phone, she helped me so so much.

In 1997 I met who is my husband now & I could not wish for a better husband or step-Dad & we had a baby boy of our own in 1999 & married in 2000 where my Mum gave me away in church,

Life was wonderful for the next 5 years apart from the heartache of Martin's Mum having Dementia & Alzheimers until 2006 when my Husband's Father died of Pneumonia, then two weeks later my husband’s Auntie died & after her funeral, Martin's only sibling his Brother who was only 43 fell down the stairs here at home & suffered irreversible brain damage & we had to face the decision to have his life support machine turned off & we took the heartbreaking decision to allow him to be an organ donor.

We then had to move into the house we are in now to take care of my Mother-In-Law until she needed more medical care & we had no option than to ask for help & it was decided she needed professional nursing in a home in 2008 & we sadly lost her in 2009.

The straw that has broken the camel’s back with me, is my Mum began getting a lot more tummy troubles in 2012 & was repeatedly told it was I.B.S,  she'd had 3 hernia operations, gallstones removed & numerous tummy ops the previous few years.

Christmas 2012, Mum couldn't eat her dinner so I knew there was a problem, I had her to the Dr who sent her for scans, blood tests etc etc nothing was out of the ordinary other than a few black spots on her liver then they admitted her to hospital for the day for a liver scan.

On 13th June last year she was called in to see an Oncologist, we had no idea what we were about to be told: (of course I was with her)

Mum had stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer which had spread, he gave her a couple of weeks to maybe a month & there was nothing other than palliative care they could do, he was willing to give her a couple of courses of very mild chemo but he was afraid it would only give her a few extra days, I fainted & fell off the chair, Mum jumped at the chance of Chemo, she was willing to try anything she was the bravest I have ever seen anyone! 

Imagine waking up every morning knowing you are going to die anytime! 

I went straight to see my own Dr Smith, who was so so nice, I explained everything to her, including that I had just found out that I also have a 50% chance of getting the exact same Pancreatic Cancer with us being immediately related!! Dr Smith sent me for a scan & as I was shaking like a leaf & an utter complete mess, not sleeping, not even being able to think straight at all, she prescribed me the lowest dose of Zopiclone to take one at night & they helped me so so much! She also prescribed Diazepam but I didn't take those, I just wanted escapism & to sleep!

ONE Macmillan nurse visited my Mum & he really upset her 

Practice nurses from Mum's GP only went a few times over a couple of week &

On 12 October I FOUND MY MUM DEAD ON THE COMMODE!!

I was & still am absolutely devastated, (not to mention losing 2.5 stone) I feel dead myself & began doing something so so stupid & that was buying more Zopiclone at the higher dose of 7.5ml from the internet  then taking 3 tablets THREE times a day !!! 

I just couldn't face life & wanted to sleep but recently, I did lot's of thinking & realised I couldn't carry on like this, I had a life & a family & Mum wouldn't want this so didn't order any from the internet but I have never ever been so ill in all my life!!! I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep that's all but it was pure horrific hell - I cannot state how horrific it was - if anyone has seen the original Exorcist take note it WAS the worst weekend ever & I have had 5 children & can usually deal with pain but this- not cold sweats, shaking, shivering, jerking, can't sit or lay down long, can't breathe, feel anxious, trembling, stomach cramps, toilet every 10 minutes, scary thoughts then... no sleep, too weak to even wash!!! 

I went to see my Dr twice on my own & left my hubby in the waiting room (he was due a hernia op the following week & I didn't want him worrying as he thinks taking an asprin is brave)

 I had already written it all down, the lot, & she agreed with me that weaning was the best way & to come back in a fortnight which is tomorrow but she didn't prescribe me anything) so I have had to find some on the net again as there is no way I can go through that cold turkey ever ever again no way!!

I can't stop crying here

I have made a graph of sorts where I cut down (I bought a pill cutter) slowly each day for a week, then more the week after etc etc, I have worked out doing it this way will take six weeks altogether. I’ve also told my hubby everything now he has had his op & is ok & is being his usual supportive self, he is my rock & I love him so so much, I am more ashamed than anything, we were selling our house which has been for sale 3 yr & our neighbours decided to buy it before Xmas which would have given us a fresh start but yesterday we was given backword, they cannot get a mortgage.

So now I have to see my Dr tomorrow morning with my hubby & haven’t a clue what will happen, I won’t be able to cope with just one 7.5 at night or the cold turkey will start

Could anyone advise me please I would appreciate it literally with my life?

I don't want to die I really don't 

1 like, 107 replies

107 Replies

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  • jennifer43132
    jennifer43132 MidnightLady

    Posted

    These situations sound so awful I get tears in my eyes reading them - no-one at all should be put under so much stress just trying to get their health improved. There are so many stories like this. I have had to print out a whole lot of information to show my GP as Keith said is a good idea. I am grateful I have a good GP but I have not always and do not want to take it for granted. I just have to tell myself they really are not aware of the severe effects it is having and just are not aware of situations like that so if it means printing out information to inform them definitely do. If it uses up too much ink just write down the links and let the doctors know them. Share things with friends and be kind to yourself - things will get better. RETHINK provides list of support groups and advice too. Not easy but you will get there.
  • jennifer43132
    jennifer43132 MidnightLady

    Posted

    I have been moved to tears reading your stories but don't stop writing them! You should feel really proud of having survived such awful experiences and there is a lot of value to them. Value yourself and respect yourself - you are definitely worth it! There is a helpline I found out about on the link Keith provided.

    Print out or write down the links for your doctor to know.

    My advice also would be to value your story and your strength that has brought you through and take action if you are up to it like writing to MPs, newspapers, broadcasting authorities about TV's views on mental health like I have been and despite suffering everyday from such a traumatic thing it makes me feel good making a difference in the lives of others. I have no doubts that any of you could do that too. I am now in the 5th job in mental health I have had and experiences like yours like they have with me will provide some amazing knowledge, understanding and empathy for any of you to get a job in the field too. Prove all those who have treated you badly wrong about you! I have - thanks to God. It breaks my heart reading your stories partly because I relate to it and also because I know God's heart breaks when He sees what you go through all as God's children. Do pray - it really does help and does not have to be boring or uncool. Do some fun things during the day to get your mind off the sleeping and medication like go to the gardens, parks, movies with friends. Have dinners with them, meet them for coffee and if you achieve any of this you honestly deserve a medal! Be kind and gentle with yourself and give yourself due credit for your awful traumatic experiences that deserve humane treatment. You can turn your awful experiences around into something positive -  no doubt about it. But I do sympathesise with you and the shakes, anxiety etc. You could make a complaint if they are not letting you cut it down slowly they of all people should be cautious and respectful of you. You could also possibly contact the authorities if they are in the wrong. In NZ there is a Health and Disabilities Commission to contact about complaints but in the UK there definitely would be one too. RETHINK may be able to help you with that if you contact them and you can write to their email addresses too to advocate for yourselves and others which obviously you are so capable of being so caring and supportive. You will get there and there is hope for everyone's future. 

    • MidnightLady
      MidnightLady jennifer43132

      Posted

      Thank you for all that Jennifer, you have booked me up a bit smile

      I am wanting to get myself Christened but this deliberating Agoraphobia stops me as I have to go to church a few times then they will Christen me infront of all the congregation, it was bad enough organising & going to Mum's funeral so I keep putting it off xxxxxx

  • MidnightLady
    MidnightLady

    Posted

    Oh my days this is ridiculous!

    it's only day two of weaning & have only reduced the dose by one 7.5 strength tablets per day & I am still struggling how on earth can just one tablet make such a difference!

    This first week's weaning is 2 & a half tablets instead of 3 (2 tablets & 1 halved with a tablet cutter) in a morning when the withdrawals start then 2.5 again about 2 or 3pm when the shakes & palpitations kick in & 3 at bedtime but the gaps inbetween are awful! xxx

    • julie1111
      julie1111 MidnightLady

      Posted

      midnight i know its hard try hang in there. xxx try meditation if you can to carm you xxx
    • julie1111
      julie1111 MidnightLady

      Posted

      i have just heard zopiclone can cause early dementia this is why they have made it a controlled drug! this is scarey u can do this i cant empathise with you enough as you was on a high dose! try and look at it drifferently and that this may help you, im sorry to say that but ur young hang in there much love. im doing the same its hard xxxx
    • ian78013
      ian78013 julie1111

      Posted

      i dont know what they are doing but i have just noticed that jennifer43132 to MidnightLady was moderated 13 hours ago?!!
    • MidnightLady
      MidnightLady ian78013

      Posted

      we are only trying to help each other jeez, it's all confusing me & making me worse probably with being a newby on here xxxx
  • MidnightLady
    MidnightLady

    Posted

    I keep getting my posts deleted - very odd
  • jennifer43132
    jennifer43132 MidnightLady

    Posted

    Don't worry about the posts being deleted or moderated. Mine have been too but it is just that as I have been told it is in order to avoid reposting and direction to other websites. I think it is happening to all posts so really do not worry. There is information on this website about their moderating of posts. It is great there are websites like this for people to support each other and the discussions are so good for people. These links on this patient.info website are easier to find and may be good information.

    http://www.citap.org.uk/

    http://www.benzo.org.uk/index.htm

    https://www.mind.org.uk/

    I am probably going to be reducing my zopiclone soon and have been told it can be done with reducing a quarter of a 7.5mg pill every second night. I really hope things improve for you all - you are all doing such a great job at supporting each other and caring. I can totally understand how stressful it is - I have got severe panic attacks too reducing it. Take care and keep up the great support.

    • julie1111
      julie1111 jennifer43132

      Posted

      hi jennifer, could u tell me how to taper off zop and what i can tell the doctor on monday, i am on two a night and they gave me one pack im not sure if it was a mistake as its a new surgury and they didnt have my proper details and i didnt know till went chemist to ,can gps still percribe 2 anight as im un sure! julie xx 
    • ian78013
      ian78013 julie1111

      Posted

      Hi Guys, back again, have been to my AA mtg this morning & got some good support there. Hi Julie, if you want to reduce by 1.8 mg (1/4 tablet) you will need to get the round 7.5mm type. They have a score mark & you can cut again. It's fiddley but can be done. The best surface is wood & use the back end of a carving knife. MidnightLady, have you visited the UK site, just to make sure my address info was right? I got a good sleep on 4 Zs from 2:30 - 8:30. feel knackered but it will take a few days to catch up after 10 days of hell. Good luck to all who are going thru this.

      Ianeek   

    • julie1111
      julie1111 ian78013

      Posted

      hi ian thanks ill ask the gp on monday to give me a 7.5 dose so i can cut back .. hope they listen to me is there any tips i can say to them xx glad u got some sleep yes will take a while for you to catch up on your sleep x i have looked to buy some on line ..whats the cheapest site as im not working at the moment x hay i could tell the gp i have found work and need it xx
    • ian78013
      ian78013 julie1111

      Posted

      been monitored again; just put in the web address; thats what is monitored;

      site wx3-dot-sleepingtablets-dot-com. 

    • julie1111
      julie1111 ian78013

      Posted

      thanks ian how much were they? what they doing that for we all need support here x hope u are ok x
    • julie1111
      julie1111 ian78013

      Posted

      hi ian sorry im a pain cant find it is it wx3.sleepingtablets dot com
    • yan87097
      yan87097 julie1111

      Posted

      Hi Julie

      They have just suspended my account. cus of web address. I have just set up another. They are watching. 

    • yan87097
      yan87097 julie1111

      Posted

      Hi Julie

      I can't believe that they have done that. this is supposed to be a free country. we are people with insomnia & discussing ways to alleviate the the problem. the w three meant; the three w's at the begining of the address; world wide web. Hope you can work it out.

    • julie1111
      julie1111 yan87097

      Posted

      thanks yan ill get some of thoses on wednesday . i found them x
    • MidnightLady
      MidnightLady julie1111

      Posted

      I hope we are all singing from the same songsheet now I wonder how long they take to come does anyone know? xxxx
    • yan87097
      yan87097 julie1111

      Posted

      Hi guys = yep next day. keep a low profile when discussing web. it's unbelieveable that they susp my acc for discussing Zs. Hope u guys have a peaceful night. Yan (ian) LOL. 
    • julie1111
      julie1111 yan87097

      Posted

      oh its you :-) ok will do , have a good nights sleep :-) x
    • yan87097
      yan87097 julie1111

      Posted

      yep - its me; pic is of me & the mrs on holiday!!!
    • vicky86909
      vicky86909 julie1111

      Posted

      Hi hinny am new to this so not sure if am doing it right, am takin 4 n a half a night my doc as helped me once b4 but now am worse than ever would they still refuse to help me as they have helped b4 xx
    • julie1111
      julie1111 vicky86909

      Posted

      hi vicky im going thriugh the same thing i chanced surgery and they only gave me one pack im going to see them again, they are getting stricked, make an appointment and go speak to your gp are you on a repeat percription xx
    • vicky86909
      vicky86909 julie1111

      Posted

      Hi Julie thank u for getting back to me, no not on a repeat script,it's starting to really affect my life now av said so many times this is it now n then when I get stressed or have a panic attack I cave in am angry at myself 4 allowing myself to be like this I wanted to change GPS xxx
    • MidnightLady
      MidnightLady ian78013

      Posted

      Yes all was correct thanks a million, I'm just trying to find out the timescale now xxxxxxxxx
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