PLEASE Help Me get off 9 Zopiclone a day 7.5mg

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This is so difficult for me to write down but I cannot carry on like this anymore I am so desperate for help & tried everything I can all to no avail, I’m so sorry but whoever reads will need the background info to understand why I am making plans to end my life right now (Tears are falling i love my family so much & am no good to them)

I am a 48yr old lady, I'm married (it was my 2nd marriage & was our 14th anniversary yesterday) with 4 grown up children with families of their own & a 14 year old son at home.

I have suffered Agoraphobia for years & clinical depression since my teens.

I never saw my biological father, apparently, he was already married when My Mum conceived me & I am ONE month older than my half sister. (I found this out when I looked everywhere & eventually found my biological Father & was abandoned by him yet again,, that hurt..)

I don't know if Mum was put off men for life or was born this way but from then on she was a very feminine lesbian (I still was bullied all my childhood due to this) Mum had no more children so I have no siblings, 

When I was 4 my Mum had a partner with a new baby & I loved him to bits to me he was my Brother, but when I was 12 & my little brother was 7 they split up & he was taken away from me, I was heartbroken.

One year later my Uncle took his own life, he was the only male influence I ever had in my life he was only 44 years old, he always refused to have children as he said he wasn't allowing all the depression he would pass on genetically to make their lives a misery.

Mum had various partners throughout my teenage years & I always swore if I could I would be married & have plenty of children so they would have each other & never be lonely, picked on & bullied like me!

I was 17 when I had my firstborn & 19 when I had my second born, unfortunately I didn't choose wisely, & being badly beaten became a weekly occurrence, the police always called it 'a domestic' & wouldn't help until he raped a woman & asked me to go in a police car to all the addresses I knew he went to so they could find him & arrest him (I was 7 months pregnant with the second baby at this time & it was a massive shock) they eventually found him, arrested him & he was sent to prison.

In all this time I was very close to Mum, she had me young there were only 19 years between us & we were more like sisters than Mother & Daughter, she helped me with the 2 children - the first born in 1983 & the second born in 1985 (both girls)

I got married for the first time in 1986 & thought everything would be fine, he seemed so nice, kind & helpful & I thought we would be so happy so had another little girl in 1987 (she had Tonic Clonic Epilepsy all her childhood until she became a Mother herself)

unfortunately, this marriage became very very rocky too with violence & gambling, so I divorced him, but was silly & even though we were divorced I kept forgiving him when he cried & was so sorry allowing him to come home numerous times & even had another baby our first boy in 1993 (who was diagnosed with A.D.H.D) but things did not get any better & when he smashed a vase my children had got me for Mothers day something snapped & I moved & finished it for good,

my Mum was a godsend If I wasn't seeing her, we were on the phone, she helped me so so much.

In 1997 I met who is my husband now & I could not wish for a better husband or step-Dad & we had a baby boy of our own in 1999 & married in 2000 where my Mum gave me away in church,

Life was wonderful for the next 5 years apart from the heartache of Martin's Mum having Dementia & Alzheimers until 2006 when my Husband's Father died of Pneumonia, then two weeks later my husband’s Auntie died & after her funeral, Martin's only sibling his Brother who was only 43 fell down the stairs here at home & suffered irreversible brain damage & we had to face the decision to have his life support machine turned off & we took the heartbreaking decision to allow him to be an organ donor.

We then had to move into the house we are in now to take care of my Mother-In-Law until she needed more medical care & we had no option than to ask for help & it was decided she needed professional nursing in a home in 2008 & we sadly lost her in 2009.

The straw that has broken the camel’s back with me, is my Mum began getting a lot more tummy troubles in 2012 & was repeatedly told it was I.B.S,  she'd had 3 hernia operations, gallstones removed & numerous tummy ops the previous few years.

Christmas 2012, Mum couldn't eat her dinner so I knew there was a problem, I had her to the Dr who sent her for scans, blood tests etc etc nothing was out of the ordinary other than a few black spots on her liver then they admitted her to hospital for the day for a liver scan.

On 13th June last year she was called in to see an Oncologist, we had no idea what we were about to be told: (of course I was with her)

Mum had stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer which had spread, he gave her a couple of weeks to maybe a month & there was nothing other than palliative care they could do, he was willing to give her a couple of courses of very mild chemo but he was afraid it would only give her a few extra days, I fainted & fell off the chair, Mum jumped at the chance of Chemo, she was willing to try anything she was the bravest I have ever seen anyone! 

Imagine waking up every morning knowing you are going to die anytime! 

I went straight to see my own Dr Smith, who was so so nice, I explained everything to her, including that I had just found out that I also have a 50% chance of getting the exact same Pancreatic Cancer with us being immediately related!! Dr Smith sent me for a scan & as I was shaking like a leaf & an utter complete mess, not sleeping, not even being able to think straight at all, she prescribed me the lowest dose of Zopiclone to take one at night & they helped me so so much! She also prescribed Diazepam but I didn't take those, I just wanted escapism & to sleep!

ONE Macmillan nurse visited my Mum & he really upset her 

Practice nurses from Mum's GP only went a few times over a couple of week &

On 12 October I FOUND MY MUM DEAD ON THE COMMODE!!

I was & still am absolutely devastated, (not to mention losing 2.5 stone) I feel dead myself & began doing something so so stupid & that was buying more Zopiclone at the higher dose of 7.5ml from the internet  then taking 3 tablets THREE times a day !!! 

I just couldn't face life & wanted to sleep but recently, I did lot's of thinking & realised I couldn't carry on like this, I had a life & a family & Mum wouldn't want this so didn't order any from the internet but I have never ever been so ill in all my life!!! I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep that's all but it was pure horrific hell - I cannot state how horrific it was - if anyone has seen the original Exorcist take note it WAS the worst weekend ever & I have had 5 children & can usually deal with pain but this- not cold sweats, shaking, shivering, jerking, can't sit or lay down long, can't breathe, feel anxious, trembling, stomach cramps, toilet every 10 minutes, scary thoughts then... no sleep, too weak to even wash!!! 

I went to see my Dr twice on my own & left my hubby in the waiting room (he was due a hernia op the following week & I didn't want him worrying as he thinks taking an asprin is brave)

 I had already written it all down, the lot, & she agreed with me that weaning was the best way & to come back in a fortnight which is tomorrow but she didn't prescribe me anything) so I have had to find some on the net again as there is no way I can go through that cold turkey ever ever again no way!!

I can't stop crying here

I have made a graph of sorts where I cut down (I bought a pill cutter) slowly each day for a week, then more the week after etc etc, I have worked out doing it this way will take six weeks altogether. I’ve also told my hubby everything now he has had his op & is ok & is being his usual supportive self, he is my rock & I love him so so much, I am more ashamed than anything, we were selling our house which has been for sale 3 yr & our neighbours decided to buy it before Xmas which would have given us a fresh start but yesterday we was given backword, they cannot get a mortgage.

So now I have to see my Dr tomorrow morning with my hubby & haven’t a clue what will happen, I won’t be able to cope with just one 7.5 at night or the cold turkey will start

Could anyone advise me please I would appreciate it literally with my life?

I don't want to die I really don't 

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  • Posted

    Hey Miranda. Sounds like you have been through a truly awful ordeal and I can definietly relate to it. I used to be abused at home, bullied at school, hospitalised so many times I don't remember how many, attacked and harrassed in supported, and I had a lot of medical mistreatment and the first anti-depressant I went on caused psychosis and now I am stuck with my condition and about 10 side-effects as a result that I have had operations for and have to pay out of an Invalids Benefit. You are not alone. Have you ever considered counselling? Churches can provide it for free sometimes and there is low cost counselling I am sure. I found that was really helpful for me. I would advice though never to go over the recommended dose of zopiclone as that would make withdrawal effects worse. I find just reducing half a 7.5mg really hard though so I can sympathesise completely. I had hallucinations and panic attacks in addition to lack of sleep when I tried to reduce mine. I would also advise when you see your Doctor tell her/him everything about your concerns and they might let you have a slightly larger dose for a while to wean you off it just to the 7.5mg. Cutting this down cold turkey I definietly dont agree with and doctors should never do that. I will pray for you that it goes well. Pray about it too if you are a Christian. I get lots of support from the church about this sort of thing and it helps a lot. Sounds like you have a good husband and children so you have a lot to live for! Remember all your strengths and the strength it has taken you to get through all your awful experiences - I am sure you would have some skills of coping a lot of people do not have. If you go onto RETHINK too there are support groups that may be useful for you. I go to support groups and they are great for me to feel like I am not the only one, contribute and support others too. You deserve a lot of credit for what you have come through - be kind to yourself and think of some nice things and treats you can do for yourself to nurture yourself and recover especially if having difficulty sleeping. Your story is priceless and should be valued by everyone - glad other people are trying to help you too. Stay in contact. xo 
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  • Posted

    Morning everyone,

    I went to see my GP this morning armed with the printouts you advised & I'd also made a weaning plan where I come off them slowly - have one & a half tablets instead of two etc etc & keep reducing each week, I am going to do my hardest to stick to it & if I manage I should be Zopiclone free in week 7, she said it is going to be really hard (it can't be harder than having none at all surely?) & has given me a prescription for 56 tablets.

    She is ringing the chemist to tell them to expect my hubby with the prescription??

    Wish me luck everyone & thank you all so so much!! I am going to come on here often, it's so lovely being able to talk to you all who understand all this

    xxxxxxxx

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  • Posted

    Hello MidnightLady

    I am glad that you got a result. My advice didn't work for me though today.

    They reduced me from 6 a day to 2 a day in 12 days; and have stiil only offered me 2 dispite all the information i provided. I had a crisis team here today and they did not relay my request or all the information i showed to reduce SLOWLY to my mental health team. I am devastated; I asked for help and was flatly refused. I write this shaking very badly and it will be another night awake. I have not slept since saturday; was halucinating last night, I am in shock; i live on my own so my only support is me a 3am in the morning;i dont know what to do. 

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    • Posted

      oh ian im so sorry this should not be happening to you can i ask how many zopiclone have they given you was you taking 6 aday . couldnt they of given u something else, why have they done this what reason did they give you ..so sorry ian x
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    • Posted

      Hi Julie, yes i was on 6=7 a night; obtained from the internet. I told my MH nurse about this 2 weeks ago tomorrow. I tried my hardest, dropped from 6 to 4 for 4 nights; then 3 for 4 nights (thats when i started feeling very unwell & not sleeping; i have now been on 2 this will be my 5th night. They keep telling me that it going to be hard and i have telephone

      support GREAT.

      Here is a paragraprh from the information i gave:

      [38] If zopiclone has been taken for more than a few weeks then the medication should be gradually reduced or preferably to cross over to an equivalent dose of diazepam (Valium), which has a much longer half-life, which makes withdrawal easier and then gradually taper their dosage over a period of several months in order to avoid extremely severe and unpleasant withdrawal symptoms.

      It clearly says SEVERAL MONTHS. I am under a mental health team; i have severe depression and they have denied me proper help. i dont know where to go now. I am just sltting here in shock; i cannot believe this is actually happening. The Crisis Team did not relay that i specifically refered to the documents on properly reducing. My Nurse said it was a mis communication, i said no its mis conduct. Sorry i am rambling and it is difficult to explain everything but I have been left to suffer 2 zopiclone and thats it. DEVASTATED.   

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    • Posted

      they have cut my zopiclone down also its hard i was on 2 anight they have given me one anight i dont know why ..why didnt they give u something else to help you through this.? they cant do this to you its wrong x
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    • Posted

      I have been under my MH nurse for 3 years now; i respeccted her; she said that i dont ask for help and i am not open enough about how i feel; 2 weeks ago i asked for help; i poured out my heart to them; made my self vulnerable and felt humiliated at the fact that my zopiclone use had spiralled out of control and that i needed to address it; I thought i could do this but didn't count on how hard it would be. It is only now after hardly any sleep over this last week that i said the reduction was too fast. from 6 to 4 was bearable but 4 to 2 has caused havoc. i got all the info from the web and realised that the reduction is way too fast. if i am on 6 it should be a min 12 week reduction; a drop of 3.75mg a week is what all the info says. I will have to buy more & do it myself. My repect for my MH nurse is gone; i feel so let down; For you why didn't thay prescribe you 1 * 7.5mg & 2 * 3.75mg & let you try to give it a go to 1&1/2 tablets. Bottom line Julie is they dont know.....they haven't been there; & really they dont care either. If they haven't experienced, depression, addiction..............they DO NOT understand. Phenergan may help you a little; but 2 to 1 is a 50% drop; it plain wrong. I hope you can get some sleep; if not i guess i'll be up all night so write back if your struggling. Take care.        
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    • Posted

      hi ian i dropped to one and a little last night and slept i did mediate before i went to bed to clear my mind , really helped. i really want to come off these ur right the doctors havent been through it or maybe some have (you never know) get some phenergan ian try it worth a try hun, they should not drop you down that fast its wrong, did u manage to get any sleep ian last night? xx my thought were with you last night i do hope u managed some sleep xx you must open up ian its nothing to be ashamed off 
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    • Posted

      Hi Julie, i went off to bed at 4 am; but all i could here is my tinnitus which has gone up massively, due to the stress of the situation.  I put an order in late yesterday,( when i found out their stance ) hopefully, this will come by tomorrow. Feeling really washed out. I'm glad you got some sleep.

      I will get through this; & when i am well i will consider raising a negligence claim against them. It is a disgrace. Take Care. 

       

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    • Posted

      hi ian i hope they come tomorrow for you so you can get some sleep , i know how hard it is. you will get there its a disgrace all right , they should bring something else out for you to help you sleep this is going to cause so many problems the medical team need to sort this out soon, much love to you x ring the gp and make an appointment and tell them u are having problems with ur tinnitus they have a duty to care for you..they have to talk to you on the phone x
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    • Posted

      Hi Julie, yes they came this morning 140 tablets. I have produced a spread sheet & will recuce from 4 to 0 in 12 weeks. I am reducing by 3.75 mg per week; then when at 2, i will reduce by 1/4 tablet each week. Needless to say this exercise was very easy; a high school kid could work this out in a basic math lesson; seems doctors struggle with it!

      Sorry i know, sarcasm is the lowest for of wit. But seriously, just knowing i have a supply and that i am going to get sleep makes a masive difference - my stress levels have gone down by just knowing i will get sleep. How did you get on last night? I hope you got some sleep. Regarding the tinnitus, it has reduced at bit, most of it (hi intensity) is caused by stress, there is a tinnitus clinic in Cheltenham (were i live) & they were very helpful over the phone but at £185 for just the consultation - too much as i am unemployed at present. Thanks for your support Julie. Take care.   

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    • Posted

      hi ian thats great news! i dropped mine last night to one and abit a little bit i have been taking two anight for years. i went to sleep easy enuff did wake at 6am but went back off..do feel bit tired so probley sleep even better tonight :-) im so glad they came for you this morning i know how hard it is! you can do this im here for support..keep in contact..julie 
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    • Posted

      Hi Julie, glad you got some sleep; yes i do use a meditation sleep program from the net or sometimes i just listen to talks, or audio books. I feel quite drowsy now but gonna keep awake till dark & then get some sleeeeeeeeep. Just knowing that i'm gonna sleep takes loads of stress away. I'll go out for a walk around 9ish as its a nice area where i live.

      Where abouts are you in the UK? I'm in Cheltenham Yer Know where GCHQ is. Shhhhhuuush, they are probably reading every word i write.!!

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    • Posted

      hi ian , yes keep awake a walk sounds good will help to sleep even better :-) im in manchester some nice walking places here also but not today.. i do feel tired even through i slept strange! but ill sleep tonight i will have a bath later and mediate it so helps you look at things in a more possitive way . whats GCHQ? they will hear you lol
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    • Posted

      Hi Julie, back again; still awake !; just made some tea & had a good clear up in the kitchen. Never been to Manchester, guess you are a MU supporter? GCHQ, it's the Goverment Communications HQ, they'll be listening into Al Queada & pretty much everyone. If you mention a 4 letter word begining with B..........they'll be round pretty quick!  I know what you mean about sleeping strange - to me it's like the twilight zone, i'm sort of kinda asleep but when i wake up, it's like i didn't really get a deep sleep. Yep, a nice hot bath & meditation sounds good. Do you do mindfulness meditation? i find it really good in a group setting. I am watching the athletics on BBC2, seeing all that running is making me feel tired!! i hope you have a good nights sleep. Take care. Ian
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    • Posted

      hi ian why do people think manchester people support footy lol i dont like footy much lol i use to do alot of mindfullness meditation im getting back into the swing of it , the coming off zopiclone as given me that push, i changed doctors last week and put my percrisption in on wed at old docs hoping they would not notice rang then today to see if they had my precription ready no such luck they knew i had changed docs...there on the ball arnt they! have u taken any zopiclone? how much did u pay for your on line? they got them to you quick :-)
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    • Posted

      Oh God Ian that is downright disgusting!! they are giving us no choice than to buy from the net!! if they could feel how we do on withdrawals for just half an hour they'd be shocked!!! xxxx
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    • Posted

      Hi Guys, just come back, MidnightLady, they are from w3 - dot -sleepingtablets - dot - com. I have written it like this because in my post that is being moderated i copied the URL which is in the bar at the top giving you the web page. I think that is why it is being moderated "i think" not sure; but apart from putting that address in, it was a normal post. 

      Julie, post was as explained. It'll come up some time soon. If not i will make a complaint, because people on this zopiclone thread need to support each other. Right...see what they do with this one.

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    • Posted

      Hi Midnight, sure is. I had a crisis team sent to me by my community MH nurse because of how bad i was on Wed morning. I showed them paper copies of reduction guidelines and the report by Professor Ashton; they went back to my nurse and did not even mention this. I was outraged; not one person offered any solution except 2 zopiclone. Luckily i have had help over the last 48 hrs from friends; got some diazipam which really helped with intense anxiety. I got my zopi's this morning and will reduce myself. Next week i will be contacting specialist solicitors to see if i can complain about medical negligence. I am not after money, but this denial about the Z problem has to be exposed. You are so right Midnight; give them just 30 mins of what we experience and see the look on their faces....................discusted with their arrogance and ignorance.

      Take care ML.

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    • Posted

      I got that Ian thanks a million, it will give me piece of mind knowing I can get some in an emergency coz there is no way on earth will i go through that cold turkey again as the only thing to make me feel better is to take some.

      Do they deliver quickly at all? xxx

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    • Posted

      same here Ian i had the weekend from hell as where i got them had a backlog so there was a 72 hour delay, I was up & down looking in the letterbox every 10 minutes but none arrived.

      My hubby rang drs on monday & explained everything including the 9 per day I take & gave me a prescription for 7 !!! 

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    • Posted

      Just re-reading some of your posts and cant believe you take 9 per day. How on earth do you manage to function. Luckily, i only need one a night and even then i only get a few hours sleep and feel drowsy during the day. I think this is one of the reasons gp`s are tightening up on them, because so many people are taking then inapppropriately, or abusing them. I had my supply cut of too from an unsypathetic gp. Have managed to obtain some more but for how long, i do not know. As for taking them during the day, no way
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