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Hi guys I really have no idea what to do here.
I realised I was an alcoholic about 3 years ago and turned myself into action for change begging for help.
The same day I had a call from social services saying that the information given to them made concern that I was drinking and they were worried about my children and placed them onto the at risk register.
I was lucky enough to have my father pay for a private rehab and prove to the social services that I was sober and capable of looking after my precious children and I became sober and they were removed from the register.
Since then I have had 3 pretty big lapses, one more spell in private rehab, after that I went to my doctor and begged for librium and privacy from social services on the condition that I maintain sobriety.
I stopped going to aa as I live in a very small village and I was sexually harassed by 2 separate male members and both attend all meetings.
My current situation is desperation. I'm drinking, mainly of an evening and trying to disguise this from my girls who are aged 8 and 9 yrs.I'm not drinking huge amounts or even getting drunk as the vomiting stops this. My days are spent indoors scared, alone, frightened of the phone ringing and painting on my poker face for when they get home from school.
They are aware that I am poorly as it i vomit constantly and have dhiaorria every day, my skin is itchy from my head to my toes constantly.
I can't risk going back to the doctors due to the fear of her reporting me to social services and risking losing the only thing I have left in my life.
I'm desperate for a course of librium, I cannot break my father's heart and tell him I have failed and wasted his money yet again.
I have seen an American site that if I order the librium today can have them delivered to me within 2 weeks, I'm not even sure I have 2 days I feel so bad. Also I'm not even sure they will be real.
I'm terrified and I don't know what to do
Any advice please, should I order the librium??
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