Please help me stop worrying so much!

Well recently I've been going to bed at 11 pm and waking up at 6-7 am. Then I get my pillow and a small throw blanket and lay out on the couch for a bit. And I feel so anxious and empty and in the morning my anxiety feels like it's burning a hole inside me and I feel like I can't eat anything in fear of throwing it back up. (Yes, I have the phobia of throwing up). So inside I just feel so depressed and low so I usually go outside in my backyard and sit in the sun for hours and it really calms me down (I'm assuming because the sun raises serotonin levels I think I've read) when I was in the house a few minutes ago I felt so anxious and scared and everyday I spend my time re reading forums of people going back on citalopram for a second time and having a bad time and it makes me anxious but now that I'm out here in the sun I feel like I would just pop it down the hatch and be fine. But I know I'm going to have to go through side effects. I wish I could just stay in the sun forever. I still haven't taken it yet. I'm suppose to have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I'm scared that if I don't take it today, then tomorrow when the doctor finds out he's going to suggest putting me in a mental hospital. I know I can do it but it's the anxiety telling me to not take it because there's so many start up problems. But thank you all for responding. It really means a lot.

Most people experience anxiety at it's worst in the morning - I did too.  As soon as I used to wake, it'd hit me, and I just wanted to hide under my duvet.  Sometimes I missed work because I just couldn't face the day, but the times I dragged myself out of bed, got to work, I'd find it was best being busy and with people.

I do think this dreadful morning anxiety is just a realisation that you have to face another day, and it fills you with dread.

Yes absolutely the sun makes you feel good.  Also exercise, though it's often difficult to find the energy to do anything, but a walk in the sun is great - get the benefit from both.

Anxiety is excess adrenaline, and burning it off with exercise is really good at reducing it.  Exercise releases endorphins too, which are the feel good factor.

Your doctor won't suggest you go into a mental hospital just because you haven't taken any meds.  Try not to worry about that - it just won't happen.  By taking your meds really, really slowly and with a very, very small dose, it really should lessen any side effects.

Coming off meds can result in withdrawal effects which I felt first time I came off them.  This last year I've reduced my meds by 5mg each time and over felt absolutely nothing (I cut my 20mg tablet into 1/4's).  This should work the other way round too ..... as in your case, when you start them.  Take 5mg and see how you get on.  Stay on that dose for 4 weeks (or longer), or if you do have a slight side effects, wait until they've disappeared before increasing to 10mg and again stay on that for 4 weeks (or longer) before increasing to 15mg.  Carry on this way until you reach the desired dose.  The slower, the better.  Recovery may take longer by doing it this way, but at least you'd have a more comfortable ride.

K x

I have my leftover pills in 20 mg and they are oval shaped coral tablets and I find it hard to cut them. So I was planning on taking 10 mg which is half of the 20 (obviously) and I have some left over from when I was tapering off and I was at ten so I have lots of halves. But they're cut kind of wonky looking. When I was on a full dose I was on 30 mg so I was taking a full 20 and half of another 20. I'm trying to find the right time to take them because I live with my dad, my grandparents, and my sister. Everyone is working tomorrow and so I'll be home alone. I was planning on taking my first dose today but I couldn't get myself to take it. But I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow when my grandma is off of work. I feel most comfortable with my grandpa home but he works this week and it's hard as he works early in the morning at 6 til 5 pm. He's more easy on me than everyone else and I just feel comfortable when he's home. I don't want to go through side effects alone or feeling unwell alone.

I bought a pill cutter which works a treat, chopping the pills up neatly ..... some can be a bit wonky though :-)

Having someone there is comforting, but they'll only be a phone call away if you find yourself in need of someone, and of course reach out to people on this site as everyone is here to help you through it.

For me, taking the meds and having side effects was better than the terrible suffering I was going through.  I simply thought what had I to lose?  We are all different of course, and each of us have slightly different experiences on the meds.

Reading about depression helped me a lot too - it unravelled some of the mystery and took away some of the fear.  Books I've read are:

Self Help for Your Nerves (and others in this series too) by Dr Clarie Weeks

5-HTP The Natural Way to Overcome Depression, Obesity by Michael T Murray

Cooking to Cure - a Nutritional Approach to Anxiety and Depression by Angela Dailey

 

It's another morning and I feel flat. My mouth is dry every morning. I haven't gotten out of bed yet. It's the day where I'm going to be alone at home. I've been home alone awhile because my dad has left to do things but came back the past few days but he has to go to work today. I'm probably going to do the same thing as every past day, sit out in the sun all day. Anyways. I have been looking up foods that help with serotonin too. I also found that when I was starting to get worse and I fell deep into depression for a week, I started taking a magnesium supplement that has a few other vitamins and it helped me a little bit to feel a little bit better and I can move around a little more and eat a little more than I used to. I also drink a lot of water throughout the day too.

All the years I was ill, I did many things to alleviate my struggle and pain with depression, but it dragged on regardless.  I hated being on my own too as I felt scared and anxious, and felt comfortable with someone there.

For me though, at the end of the day the only thing that helped was taking Citalopram.  I completely recovered on it.  After 15 years of struggling, I was cured.

Sometimes we have to put ourselves out of our comfort zone to achieve something.  For you, it's taking the meds.  It can be scary, but with help and support from family, your doctor and this site, you can get through it.  The side effects will last a few weeks to a month maybe?  That may seem long, but really it's a short time compared to how much suffering you're going through at the moment.  I went through it - twice - and I've been well ever since.  For me, it was a small price to pay.The sooner you take action, the sooner you can start counting the days off and looking forward to an illness free life.

My 20 year old son fell victim to this illness last year too and he went through absolute hell on medication and was off work for 4 months.  We got him out every day walking or cycling - he looked awful, but we persevered.  We got him to join 2 different music groups which was good for socialising.  6 months it took to get him well again and today, a year on, he is a happy young 21 year old man with a new girlfriend, working, and still enjoys his music groups.

It is truly a very tough ride to get through, but you also need to push yourself just that little bit, even if you don't want to.  Do your family know what you're going through?  Can you sort a routine of when someone comes home, to go out with them for a walk, for some exercise?  Exercise is good to boost serotonin levels.  Maybe sort a daily programme for yourself - get up at a certain  time, have a tiny amount of breakfast even if it's only one mouthful.  Maybe have a walk in the fresh air after eating.  Plan your day, even if you have to drag your body around ..... do it.  Reward yourself by sitting in the sun.  When someone comes home, arrange to go out walking with them, or help to cook dinner or something.

I believe you're seeing your doctor today?  Ask him for help and support during the time you start your meds.

K x

hi katecogs just wonderd if you have tried or are taking 5-HTP 

Today is a bad day for me. I'm crying every 5 minutes as I'm not feeling very happy today. I wasn't really that anxious this morning but it's kind of turned around and I'm anxious today. No panic attacks though. Just anxious about going to the doctors and not feeling well. I might have to ask someone to go on a walk with me maybe. I think most of you guys are from the UK as this is a UK website but I'm from the U.S. And I'm also only 16 years old. I'm still in school too and I am in a choir class (musical group) and the teacher is the sweetest lady ever and she's really supportive and she knows what's going on with me because I still haven't been to school yet and we started on August 1st. I believe that the music class helps me a lot and when I first joined it I actually felt like I belonged in something and I actually wanted to go to school because of it. But I'm missing out on it so I really need to get back on my meds. The doctor is probably going to prescribe a new bottle for me because I only have a few weeks worth of my old ones. I also forgot to add because I got so caught up in talking about my music group, I still don't really have an appetite but it's there if that makes sense. Like I can still eat food and I can feel the emptiness of my stomach but it's the depression or anxiety blocking my brain from wanting the food. I've also had dry mouth still and I looked up things on how to fix it. So I have my water bottle filled with water and lemon slices because lemons activate the saliva glands or whatever 😁 it's been helping too so I guess that's good. But what I've been weepy about earlier was my weight. When I was on Citalopram I unfortunately had the side effect of gaining weight. I'm a pretty small person and it didn't really effect me, I just had a little tummy. But it's gone down since I've stopped taking it and I have no appetite from the depression and I checked my weight earlier and I've lost 10 pounds. I was in tears because it scares me and this isn't how I wanted to lose weight. In school I have a workout class and last year I was in it and it was helping a little bit. But I don't want to lose weight this way or become anorexic. I'm sorry I have a lot to type as I have so many thoughts running around and this is where I let them all go but in March of 2013 I was getting dehydrated and I didn't know it but I got severely dehydrated and was unable to sit up or even stand up without feeling dizzy and I was really weak and that brought on my generalized anxiety and the panic attacks. I ended up getting IV fluids for it and I was put on medication for my anxiety. I feel like I've been through lots of medication but I don't really remember most of them. But I know that Citalopram really worked for me and I noticed I've been on it in the past because I found old bottles. I found one that had 10mg and then I found another one that was 40mg. And that kind of scared me. I have fears of the Citalopram wearing off. Because I feel like I have no other choices but I know I do. But I just don't want to go through a bunch of meds that won't work. I hope Citalopram doesn't wear off for me. Thanks for helping me in this hard time. Oh and yes my family knows what's going on and I feel like they've kinda given up on me because many days I said I wanted to start taking it but I didn't and it irritated them.

Yes I have, and with success too.

I came off Citalopram 2 years ago and started taking 5-HTP and l-tyrosine which I took for a year.  I felt quite well on them.  Sadly I felt the need to restart Cit after my son became ill last year and I became quite stressed by it all, so decided to go back on Cit as I needed to stay well to support him.  No good me sinking into a dark hole.  So I went back onto 20mg lastnyear, reduced it to 10mg this year and am now on 5mg.  I'll stay on this dose til next year after my daughter gets married then stop and go back onto 5-HTP etc.  Don't want to take any chances before the big day :-)

There were no side effects with 5-HTP other than indigestion, which righted itself when I introduced l-tyrosine.

Ok Bee, first of all Citalopram will not wear off.  It works by hanging onto your serotonin before it's reabsorbed into the brain, making you feel happy.  A little bit more scientific than that, but that's basically it.  I have taken this medication for around 18 years (though I had a break a year ago), and it never stopped working once.  You can take his meds for life if need be.

Lots of people have to take medication for ailments - epilepsy, diabetes amongst many others.  They have to take their meds.  Depression is also an illness and the medication is there to help you get well.

Yes I'm in the UK, and guessed you were in the US.  The medication is the same though and we all share the same problem.  I was only 20 when I became ill and had to wait til I was 35 before I was started on SSRI's.  I'd have taken them before if they were available.

Do you have other fears other than depression and anxiety?  Do you have friends, and do you socialise with them?

Remember, when you're depressed and anxious, your stomach weeps with you (not literally of course).  You don't feel hungry because your stomach is churning.  Maybe you could eat something you really enjoy ... icecream maybe, anything small.  Food is your body's fuel, and without it you won't run properly :-)  Good nutritious food helps combat depression too, as well as exercise.

If you know Citalopram works for you, then you really should start it again.  Take a small dose and see how you get on.  Try it for 1 day ..... just 5mg ..... nothing will happen to you.  If you feel ok, then take it a 2nd day.  See how you are each day.  Taking this small dose won't be such a problem if you want to stop.

Sorry you're missing your music choir class ..... is this something you can do at home maybe?  Practice singing :-)

K x

 

Thanks for the reassurance and I do have some friends I socialize a little bit but i haven't been recently since I'm sick and not going to school. Sometimes I communicate with them through social media though (teenagers and their dang phones!!) but I think the lowest dose I've been on is 10mg. I'm going to see what the doctor has to say about it. I do miss how I was before I got off of them. I was happy and I was learning how to drive too. Now I can't do that because I'm very anxious and I have these weird bits of derealization but it's not bad but it feels weird and I don't like that feeling and I know when I start I'm gonna get a lot of those because I did when I started (that's one of the only side effects I remember) but last year when I started them off I was really fragile and had lots of panic attacks in school and would have to go home. And I hate it because next year is suppose to be my last year of high school and I've been doing really bad in school. I really wish I could function normally and go everyday and get my work done. But I can't. I might have to just do my GED if I don't have enough credits to graduate. So that's another worry of mine. I feel like I'm back at square one. But a little better because no panic attacks. But I also worry I might have panic attacks when I start the medication again..

An update: I went to the doctors and got really anxious in the room waiting for the doctor. Then when he came in he talked a big lecture on how if I don't get my anxiety (I have social anxiety too) under control then I won't make it into the real world and I'll probably be in a group home. I was absolutely horrified that he said that. But my grandma agreed with most of it. but he finally sent out a new prescription for me and he wants me to take it at night as it can make people tired at first. AND HE WANTS ME TO START BACK ON 30 mg. I don't think I can handle it. And when I got back my grandpa said if I don't take it tonight then they're going to send me to a facility for 15 days where they will make me take it. I am horrified I'm going to try to convince them to at least let me start on 20mg! I feel like it would be too much for me. But overall I'm okay today and my new phone case came in the mail and it made me really happy! I guess I'll update tomorrow on how I'm feeling because I'm going to start taking it tonight

Good god!!  What sort of doctor speaks to their patient like that?  Doctors should be caring, helpful, encouraging ....... not bullying and rude.  Did he not listen or understand your fear of taking them?  I'm surprised he hasn't suggested a small dose.  I'd change my doctor ..... after first giving him a slap lol 

It might be that they're all exasperated in trying to get you to take meds, and their patience has worn thin.  They all know what's best for you.

Well, I would take 10mg at least.  Show them you're taking it.  Be brave xxx

So I convinced my parents to let me start at 20 mg, and also I told them I want to take them in the day time. I just felt like I wanted to start my side effects off in the day time instead of night because if something happens then everyone will still be awake. So I still haven't started them but I really should. But anyways, he isn't going to be my doctor anyways because we have a practitioner now and we are going to visit her a few times a month and also we can call her and ask her to refill my prescription whenever. So I guess that will be better. I'm feeling okay today but not happy. I'm still really fearful of the side effects but I know I have to go through them in order to get better.

That's good.  Well good luck with the tablets and keep in touch to let us know how you're getting on.  Don't forget to post here if you're worried about anything.

K x

I'm still worried about it stop working. Like some people have posted that they started getting their symptoms back after being on it for so long. And that scares me

After you get past the side effects and start feeling well, often there's a phase you'll go through of feeling up and down and people mistake this for thinking the meds have stopped working.  It's just a normal part of recovery.  Some you'll feel great, and other times you'll feel low.  If you feel like this, just go with it and it'll pass.  I call these blips.  It's quite normal.  Eventually these will get less and disappear altogether.  I think that's what you might be reading.

In your vulnerable state at the moment you can only think negatively.  But you have to trust this medicine and trust in the good reports from people.  These have worked for you before and will do so again.

You need lots of patience, perseverance and trust.

I was severely ill for 15 long, long years ....... if this medicine can put right that many years of illness, then trust that it'll help you.  It takes time ...... but push forward.

K x

Hello, still haven't started my meds yet but I am starting tomorrow for sure. I was planning on starting yesterday but found out that my grandpa had to work and fill in for someone who is sick but only for today and tomorrow. So tomorrow I'm starting and I'll have someone to stay with me while I'm going through my rough time. Even though I'm going through a rough time while being off of my meds. I've been having a lot of depersonalization and I also feel like since I've been stressed and anxious now for long periods of time, I've started to have a acid reflux problem? When I get anxious I get this cool burning sensation in my throat and it makes me even more anxious so I've been calming myself down and drinking lots of water and chewing gum to keep my saliva going. I've gained more of my appetite back but it's not all the way. I've been having bad headaches. I think that's a symptom of depression. I don't know but I have to get better. I feel like I've been a burden to everyone because my anxiety rises at the thought of taking my pill and I end up not taking it. I'm shoving it down the hatch tomorrow though! Anyways today I feel quite depressed because the sun is being covered by clouds all day and probably tomorrow too. I really like laying in the sun all day.

Are you scared of actually taking a pill or are you scared of the effects it will give you?  The first day taking a pill probably won't have any effect on you whatsoever - it's usually a couple of weeks into it you might get side effects. If you get a rough time, it won't last just a day.  Getting out for fresh air and exercise will help.

Yes I expect the acid reflux is part of the depression and anxiety.  Exercise helps to burn anxiety off, helping you to feel calmer.

Have you thought of a SAD lamp - Seasonal Affective Disorder lamp which help depression.  It's like being in the sunshine.

If you're drinking lots of water, taking your pill with lots of water will help.  Did you know you can get the medication in liquid form if the thought of taking a pill worries you.  If not that, what about crushing it up and adding it to some water?

I actually have thought about the lamps but I'm not sure if I would be able to get one because they're so expensive. And yeah I think I should go on walks because I have a dog and he gets so excited to get out of the house but no one ever takes him out. And I've been scared of the side effects and I know that I need to take it because I've taken it before and it did help me but I don't know why I just won't take it. But I really am going to take it tomorrow. And I'm fine with the pill form because it's super small and basically nothing so I usually took mine with water so I will continue to do that.

The lamps come in various sizes, and you can get a small desk top one which would be cheaper.  Something to put on your Christmas wish list maybe?

Being outside in the sunshine, walking, getting fresh air is very beneficial for depression.  You actually only need. 15 mins a day to get the full amount of Vitamin D3 ŷou need, and it also doesn't need to be sunny as the rays penetrate through cloud too.  Walking the dog sounds fun - something you'd both enjoy.

Good luck with today