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Please help me stop worrying so much!

Posted , 7 users are following.

bee6671
bee6671

So November of 2014 I started Citalopram (I was also getting off of Xanax at the same time because my doctor stopped prescribing it) and a month later I was so great. And I continued taking it until July of this summer. My doctor said I could taper off of it if I felt better. BAD IDEA. I was up to 30mg and tapered down all the way to get 10mg about every 2 weeks. Awhile after being on 10mg, I forgot to take it one day so I just thought "Oh well I guess I can just stop taking it here!" And I went through small withdrawals nothing I couldn't handle. After about a week or two weeks they passed and I was okay. Then my depression hit me deep recently. And it's worse then I've ever had it before. My anxiety also arised with the depression too. For the past month I've been staying home all day laying in the same place and sleeping in the same place (on the couch) because it's where I feel comfortable. I've seemed to lose my appetite too and I was a tiny bit dehydrated but I took up lots of water and fruits. After awhile I kinda have it back but I'm still not eating a lot. My stomach occasionally growls or feels empty throughout the day but I just don't feel up to eating and if I do, I don't eat a lot. I've been having intrusive thoughts about my grandparents dying because I live with them and they've been my caretakers for a long time and I fear everyday that they'll pass and I will spiral even more down. My doctor told me to start taking my pills again immediately but for the past week I've been so terrified of taking them again because of the side effects and a fear of them not working again like they used to, and so many other fears that my anxiety can make up. I can't stand living like this anymore but I can't get myself to take them again. I'm in need of some support or someone to encourage me. School has also started for me ( I am in my junior year of high school ) and I haven't been to school because I get so anxious. Please someone help me. Im also terrified that I'll have to go to a mental hospital and I really don't want to do that because I also have a fear of not being comfortable. When I was little I would always become so uncomfortable staying the night at other people's houses and would cry all night. Really need some reassurance. (Sorry this is so long)

0 likes, 42 replies

42 Replies

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  • Citaloman
    Citaloman bee6671

    Posted

    I've only started using this form yesterday and left as many responses as I can where I feel I can help in any way. Katecogs seems to give the best advice on here. She is really helpful and writes everything in a non-judgmental way. So, Bee, you are going through almost identical to what I am going through, same time, same drug and same coming off time. I came off a few weeks back and after 1 week I crashed. Everything came back. Anxiety, depression, thinking I was going to get locked up in a mental hospital, loose friends family etc. This is classic thinking when in depression and extreme anxiety, just remember this at all times when you get these feelings, it's just the anxiety talking. You will get better. I went back on to citalopram. First 10mg for 2 weeks then 20mg. Virtually no side effects, and it worked day 1. After about a week I was feeling great again. Next time I come off I will be tapering over a year or so. Coming off over say 2 months is so unrealistic and I feel not sensible or good medical advice. The brain takes so long to re-adjust 2 months is nowhere near enough time. Perservere and be strong. It takes everything you have to get through it, but you will feel better and get your life back to being good again.
    • bee6671
      bee6671 Citaloman

      Posted

      Wow you have no idea how much better that made me feel smile I was thinking of starting on 20mg to feel better faster but I also feel really fragile and so now I'm thinking maybe I should start on 10mg again. I feel bad because my friends keep asking when I'm coming back to school. I just want to feel well again. Thank so much for replying!
    • Citaloman
      Citaloman bee6671

      Posted

      I wish you all the best over the next few weeks and months ahead. Please let me know how you get on in a weeks time or if you need to talk again about anything. It's a really, really tough thing to go through, but when it's all passed you can look back and be really proud of how you succeeded in such difficult times. Dealing with depression is a lesson you will never learn at school! If you are interested in reading, may I suggest getting into the field of NLP. Neuro Linguistic Programming. This was one of the big turning points for me. It covers CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) as well. It was a huge help. Lets you understand about people, how they think, what you believe, what you value etc. Try getting a copy of the "for dummies" NLP book. There are a few new technical terms in there but you get to understand them. There are lots of books out there on the subject.
    • katecogs
      katecogs bee6671

      Posted

      One thing to remember Bee, is that you can't hurry recovery no matter what you do.  It'll take it's time and will come to you when it's ready.  These meds are not an overnight fix, and it will take time ..... but patience and absolute perseverance will bring recovery to you eventually.  And oh boy ... it's so worth all the struggle in the end :-)
    • bee6671
      bee6671 katecogs

      Posted

      its unfortunate that it's not fast. 😕 but I'm still really scared to take them. Even though I know I'll be better on them. I just wish I never stopped taking them. It sucks to have to start over. Thanks so much for the advice smile
    • bee6671
      bee6671

      Posted

      I find I am in a serotonin deficiency. I think stopping the meds too quickly could have had an adverse effect on me. I was fine awhile after being off of them and awhile after the withdrawals were gone. I wish I had tapered down much slower. And also added a supplement that helps serotonin. I'm very lethargic, I feel like I always have to sit or lay down because I just don't have the energy to do things. I have periods where I feel normal but I get worried about a lot of things (I worry too much over simple things) but I haven't had a panic attack in forever. Coming off of my meds, I had no panic attacks. I feel that since I've been of Citalopram I've learned to control them. No rapid heartbeat, hot flashes or derealization. Those are my panic attack symptoms. Anyways, I still think I should go back on my meds, but if I ever decide to come off again, I will probably be taking 5-HTP or something.
    • katecogs
      katecogs bee6671

      Posted

      The medicine lingers in your body long after you stop taking them.  Remember how long it takes for them to build up - it takes just as long for them to remain in your body too.  For me, I need medication whether it be Citalopram or 5-HTP ... but without anything I feel flat, agitated, anxious and know I'll sink further into a hole the longer I continue like that.

      If you decide to take 5-HTP one day, take l-tyrosine with it.  It boosts the 5-HTP and stops the stomach upset too.  I've taken these before for a year and found them really good.

    • ssuleyman
      ssuleyman bee6671

      Posted

      hello

      first off can I recommend you talk to your doctor and explain what you're going through in detail, if you feel your doctor is not treating you right or not helping you then you have the right to see another doctor after all they are there to help you not judge you.

      you are sick and if you need help they have to help you.

      now anxiety and depression  is so different from person to person that no one on here can give you exact advice on what to do.

      for instance I have social anxiety/major depression  and CBT does not work for me at all in fact it makes me worse. I feel and this is only my opinion that if you have a medical imbalance in your brain how is CBT going to fix that?? to me it feels like trying to fix a broken leg with CBT it's not going to work or telling someone with a broken leg to put the cast on yourself with both hands behind your back.

      you have a medical condition which is with your brain so how do you or me fix it with our brain which is broke (as in leg).

      I feel for you as I have suffered for years with social anxiety and depression since I was a teenager and now I'm now 49 have only just in the last two years have started to fully understand what's going on in my head.

      can I also reassure you that

      you DO have a mental problem

      but THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE MENTAL as in crazy.

      You are just temporarily sick and you can get well again.

      unfortunately your head is in a bad place (let's say in the dark) and you just can't find your way out, let's call the medication the light switch and if you switch the lights on

      and it's really bright?

      the first thing you're going to do is squint or even close your eyes (ie your medication is too strong)

      now let's imagine the light switch with a dimmer on it and you very slowly turn up the lights(your meds) yes you're right hardly any side effects.

      before you know it you'll be back to your self again and I promise you that when you feel well again please read all of these posts again and you will think wow I can see again.

      the views expressed in this post is purely my own opinion and I'm no doctor or expert.  

       

    • bee6671
      bee6671 katecogs

      Posted

      It's been 2-3 weeks since my doctor represcribed Citalopram for me. We got a new therapist/prescriber doctor lady and she's really nice and understanding. When she talked to me she said she could see that I have a lot of trauma. I got kind of emotion and started crying but I was only for a minute. She said that I had to get back on them or I will just get worse and worse. She made me feel a little better about starting them again and also offered to give me another med just temporarily if I have trouble sleeping. She also set up a plan for my doses so I will be on 10 mg for a week, 20 mg for the second week, and then 30 mg on the third week and continue with 30 mg. I trust her, but I am also hesitant about upping each week because I feel it might increase side effects worse as I up. But I know that it would get me better faster. I start today. Sorry for being a burden and saying all these things and not having the courage to actually start. I am grateful you take your time out of your day to reply to me. smile
    • katecogs
      katecogs bee6671

      Posted

      Hi Bee

      Hey, there's nowt wrong with getting emotional and crying at your doctors - I've done it many, many times myself.  It's only natural and is often a release of the emotional build up.

      Glad you feel you can trust your new therapist, she sounds nice, especially as she could recognise the trauma you are suffering with.

      I'm sure her plan is good and now you feel you can trust her, then I think her judgement of the doses is also trusting.  

      You're not a burden Bee xx ... we have all felt fears and we all need constant reassurance.

      Starting the meds on 10mg is good ..... and if you feel not ready for the 20mg then tell her.  At least you'll be taking the meds.  If you feel after the first week you're still ok, then up to the 20mg.  Only starting the 10mg will you know.  Trust in the meds too ..... nothing will happen to you.

      K xx

    • bee6671
      bee6671 katecogs

      Posted

      Hey Kate, needing a bit of reassurance again, so did you start on Citalopram two times again? And did it work both times? Because I've been feeling like it won't work again, and have been reading threads of people starting up again, but not reaching success again so they had to stop taking it and go on something else. And I don't want to do that. I already went through a couple meds trying to find the right one and Citalopram worked great for me and I just really don't want it to not work this time around.

      Thanks,

      Bee

    • bee6671
      bee6671

      Posted

      Update: I've finally took the plunge and took my 10mg today. So far I feel spaced out and tired. Also keep yawning. Feel sort of flat too. Hope it gets better.
    • ssuleyman
      ssuleyman bee6671

      Posted

      you'll be fine

      start with 10mg and keep going till you are happy to up it to 20mg.

      it may take 1 week or 10 weeks but what's important is to increase when you feel you can and remember to speak to your doctor about how you're feeling as you progress.

      remember what I said about the light switch.

      good luck sweetie but I'm sure you don't need it.

    • bee6671
      bee6671 ssuleyman

      Posted

      Thanks! A few hours later now, I feel some bits of optimism, but also confused about it because it's only day one? Hope it gets even better!
    • ssuleyman
      ssuleyman bee6671

      Posted

      that's perfectly normal,

      I felt my very first one in just 20 minutes.

      you may also feel like you can take on the world too by the end of the week and that's normal for some people too. if this happens or you may go up and down daily it's ok just keep telling yourself it's the meds working and you will stabilise. once you do then you can reassess with your doctors help to move forward.

      I've been on 10mg for 9 weeks now and it may be all I need.

      I know one thing!

      for the first time in my life I'm able to move forward with optimism and confidence to interact with people on a level I never used too.

      the crippling social anxiety and depression is now behind me.

    • ssuleyman
      ssuleyman

      Posted

      oh I'm 50 now too :-))

      it's never too late

    • bee6671
      bee6671 ssuleyman

      Posted

      Today was a pretty alright day. I've felt some times of start up panic, but my panics never really go into full on panic mode. But a think that I have is depersonalization and sometimes it takes over and it triggers my anxiety. I hope it goes away soon. I went to my school's football game tonight, and there was a lot of people and I even sat with some of my friends and we talked and laughed and took pictures and stuff. I've had to start using my mouth guards from awhile ago, because for some reason today is a teeth clenching day. They feel pretty sore. I still feel a little down, but I hope it starts to lift soon.
    • bee6671
      bee6671

      Posted

      Another Update: I slept really well last night, but randomly woke up at 6 am ans was still tired but didn't know if I could get back to sleep. So I stayed up awhile on my phone then (embarrassingly) all of a sudden got the runs. It was alright though, I went back to sleep for awhile and woke up at 9 am stayed in bed on my phone for awhile and then got up and took my pill at 10. I find I'm not having really any side effects at all. But I can feel it a few minutes after I take it. I sort of have a really small migraine but then it dies off and I feel okay for the rest of the day. It's 6 pm at the moment, and I haven't really done anything today but lounge around. But I did turn on some music at one point and danced around and sang to it and felt a bit optimistic again. smile Tomorrow my family and I are going to go to a pumpkin patch and I'm very excited about it. A thing I started doing yesterday, was writing on sticky notes my worries for the day. So yesterday before I took my first pill, my worries were 1.That my meds won't work this time, 2. That I will get sent away to a mental hospital for not taking my pills!

      Then I took my pill and scribbled number 2 out. Today my worries are the dreaded dose up to 20 mg next Friday. I'm scared that I actually will have side effects and I'll feel dizzy and also not sleep! My anxiety tends to get bad when I don't sleep properly, and I really hate being dizzy! My doctor has said that I need to go up each week. So this week is 10 mg, next week is 20 mg, and then the week after that is 30mg and staying to 30 mg where I was last time. But I still feel like it's a bit of a rush? I also am thinking about the whole just going up to 15 mg for a few days, but I'm not sure I could even get my pill into 15 mg. Any reassurance?

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