Please someone help i cannot do this anymore!!!

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Ive suffered from health anxiety for a few months now but im now stuck in a vicious cycle!!! I have diagnoed my self with DVT'S ,  a brain tumour , an impending stroke just to name a few. I had my first smear test on monday due to me googling cervical cancer and having alot of the symptoms. I have a 2-3 week wait for the results its onmly day 3 but im at my witts end!!! ive rang the hospital and my dr.s to see if they have the results . No. I cannot take the waiting i have litterally convinced myself i have cervical cancer i have all the aches and pains but i dont know if thats just from googling reading then my mind making the ones i dont have up!!!! I had lots of blood tests a few weeks ago including full blood count liver ect.. all clear and i also had a lumber xray as id been having lower back pain that went down my leg into my foot the majority of the time its a burning sensation , i found out through google that a tumour could cause the pains ive been having as my leg is slightly swollen aswell . i cant stop googling im making my self ill. Im not eating atall. i keep waking up at night with panicky nervous feeling in my tummy. i feel like a total mess. I have mirtazapine but tooscared to take it because of the side effects even though ive taken it before. I just dont know what to do. I took a vitamin on a empty tummy earlier and now ive got severe tummyache so ive now convinced myself ive got a tummy ulcer thats gonna pop any min!!!! Please someone give me some advice . im at a loss what to do . I have 4 small children whom  i love dearly but its starting to effect them also now. I cant calm down or relax im just a complete and utter mess!!! My dr.s have given up on me as ive been so many times they blame it on anxiety but i feel there is something seriously wrong with me :'( :'( . I cant tke anymore and theres no way i can make the wait for my smear test results without being sectioned . Please im really in need of some advice xxx

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  • Posted

    Don't worry Stacey In exactly the same I have diagnosed my self being iilegric to food even though I'm not and I'm convinced I'm about to have a heart attack and I've had one everyday in my head I've died 5 times already this is all in my head I'm still convinced that I'm going to die because I have a underlying heart problem even though I've had tests scans ECG everything I could possibly have I've tried to keep busy but doesn't stop me from going crazy and mad ! It's horrible feeling like this ur not alone
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  • Posted

    Hello Stacey I totally get you!!! Ur not alone atall I feel like iv got a bloodclot in my leg that's going to travel to my lung!! I feel like I'm going to die all the time I feel like i can't breath!! U need to try keep ur mind of it know it's eaiser said than done😔 I am on mirtizapine 45mg I has helped a lot!! But ever since they upped it to 45mg from 30mg iv been feeling like a zombie. Just try them out!!! Don't read the side effects honestly u will be ok x
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  • Posted

    Hi Stacey. So sorry, and I totally understand where you are right now. I have been there several times. First of all, if you had any kind of cancer, your white count in your blood would have been elevated. So you can relax on that. Second, stay out of google!! If I looked up all of my symptoms, I would be long past dead. I have come to the point of thinking, if I pass out, someone is going to get me help. And if I am dying, there is nothing I can do to stop it. I think this acceptance has helped me more than anything. I think of everything I want to do before I die, and try to do them. I have written letters to my children, made a will, told my kids what I want them to do with me, etc. My first major breakdown that started this was 30 years ago. I had 4 small children. I drove my husband crazy smile. It was all the stress that just made my body and mind go out of whack. Therapist explained it best. Imagine being a pot of soup sitting on the stove simmering. Each hug, I love you, anything that makes you feel good fills the pot. Everything you do for others, takes some out of the pot. If you are like me, you are constantly doing for others. Then the pot is getting empty, it starts to burn. Causing burn out. Sorry this is so long, but I feel for you, cause I have been there. 
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  • Posted

    Hi all and thank you for your kind helpful messages. I think im gonna bite the bullet and start taking the mirtazapine again tonight cant cope anymore. Bonnie Its a terrible situation and hard to deal with i too have driven my partner round the bend and hes so fed up hes ready to leave me and our beautiful children just because he cannot cope with me anymore. I did google if you had cancer would it show in blood tests and it said sonly blood and bone cancer that was when i was waiting for my blood results . Would it have shown anything for cervical cancer or will the blood test have picked up the changes in cells as when i read your message regarding that yesterday i almost instantly felt the nervous tummy go away and felt calmer . Ive had so many things ive diagnosed myself with over the past 4 months its unreal and all tests have come back clear so its kind of like im waiting and know one wont sad. I still have a long time till my smear results come through and im terrorfied they will say i have abnormal cells, I can almost see myself sat in hospital being told i have cancer im just terrorfied. The thought of not being around to see my children grow and blossom brings on the histerical crying . I just dont know how to get out of this my whole body aches and feels like its ready to give up xxx
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    • Posted

      Hi Stacey. Sorry, I am sorry that you looked it up, and got anxious again. Another approach, have you had excessive bleeding? Like throughout the month? That is a sign of something being wrong. But harmones will cause this also. When they are out of whack. Has the doctor ever told you you have a life threatening condition? Instead or worrying about what if they tell you you have something, you think about how you will deal with it. Like what treatment would you choose, and where. What would you do to fight it? Like you are fighting the anxiety. Can you tell yourself you have anxiety, and then make a plan to learn to live with it. I have found when I fight it, it gets worse. When I work around it, it is not near as bad. Does that make sense? How old is your youngest child?
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  • Posted

    Hi bonnie my youngest is 9 months old , i had the depo jab in august last year and bled the whole 12 weeks , then bled on and off till feb when i went on the contraceptive pill that stopped the bleeding but i stupidly forgot a pill and started bleeding a day later that lasted 10-11 days. then the bleeding stopped and i havent bled for a month . Im trying to fight the anxiety , but its so hard especially waiting for the results im so on edge snappy and a complete mess xx
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    • Posted

      Stacey, 9 months is good news!! That means 9 months ago you were having a baby, and cancer would have been known. And it sounds like you already know you have a harmone problem. Here in the US, a lot of the allergists have harmone replacement therapy also. Is there anything like that there? I understand the snappy, on edge thing. When I am in anxiety, I get mad because it seems no one understands. And it seems every little thing is just one more thing they are doing to make me crazy smile Just remember you are kind of in charge of the house and kids. Set your pace that you are capable of, and make everyone else conform to it. You really need something for just you time. Do you have anyone that can watch the kids to do something you enjoy? Even if it is catching up on sleep. I lost myself so deep in taking care of husband and kids, that I did not know what I enjoyed anymore. Therapist helped me find myself again. And it helped me see I was not a bad person, just changed. I had to get my self confidence back. I took a 6 week floral design class. I found my joy. Now I still make things at home to unwind, and help my friend in her flower shop. It makes me happy to create something pretty. Therapy!!! Big HUGS to you sweety. You can do this smile
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  • Posted

    Ive had the day from hell today !!! I cannot relax atall my mind is racing , i feel as if im about to pass out at any moment im scared still anf this is the worst ive been , diazepam is doing nothing where as it usually does . Im so ready to take my self to the nearest hospital to be sectioned , i cant gain control like i usually can its almost like a constant manic episode. Im exhaused , cant eat , feel sick and just keep going to the toilet . Bonnie thats helped yet again you are full of widom and i admire you so much you speak like it is no covering it up like eveyone else seems to :'( . I have 2 of my 4 children with me today as the other 2 are having a sleep over at their nannys house , i have been constantly ringing and texting my partner at work to come home today as im so scared and cannout get out of this feeling . all ive drank today is tea tea and more tea which i know proberly hasnt helped sad . My mum is pretty useless doesnt really want to know and thinks im actually imagining it all . But i just feel so so scared i cannot get out of it . Tonight im going to be taking my mirtazapine and going to sleep i didnt sleep well last night atall so i think thats proberly also why ive been so bad today. The last time i didnt sleep well i remember an episode like this xx
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    • Posted

      I hope today is a better day for you Stacey!! Yes lack of sleep and not eating protein makes anxiety worse. Maybe you need to call your doctor and let him/her know what a rough weekend you have had. It may take a more calming medicine for you. I take Xanax. It helps pretty quick. But I am addicted to it. Ask if there is something similar that is not so addicting. Cafine is not a good thing. I had to cut it completely. My mother is the same as yours. My father is more supportive. He sent me self help books trying to help me, as he lives so far away. I used to call my husband all the time at his work also. If I got really bad, I would load up the kids and go sit in his office. I know I was a bother, but the fear was overwhelming. I wish you could find good therapy, and a support group. I wish I was closer to help. But you can message me anytime!! Celtic Woman has some realy good calming music. Please try to find some form of relaxation. I know it is easier said than done. But you have got to get a little peace. I don't know about me being wise lol, but I have been right where you are. I still battle it a lot, but therapy keeps me going. And the medicine that I will probably be on for life. I have had to accept it. Take care hon.
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    • Posted

      Bonnie I couldn't have said that better myself. That sounds just like how I use to be. I hate seeing ppl struggle with anxiety and depression. I myself am also addicted to xanax. Although I take my daily meds to help with the anxiety I need my xanax to help with daily living otherwise I would be a total disaster. I say addicted because I couldn't imagine living without them even tho I don't take the prescribed amount that my psychologist says I should take , I still feel addicted to them. I always say that it's one of the best things man ever made. I'm by far anxiety free or panic attack free but I have slowly over the years learned to deal with it better. It just breaks my heart to read some of these threads cause I can relate so much and I know how scary it is to feel the way they do. It just makes me wanna grab them and hold them and snap my fingers and make the anxiety go away cause I know how awful it feels. I was always so greatful when someone could relate to me , it always made me feel so much better. For anyone who reads this message I'm always open to talk or help in anyway i can. I know and understand how awful and scary anxiety attacks can be.
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    • Posted

      Stacey as I read ur thread it reminds me so much of how my mom was when I told her i had anxiety attacks. Her favorite thing to say to me was just suck it up and get over it. And I was like really, do u think I like feeling and being this way. I was literally house bound for 6 months. Didn't drive , couldn't work and could barely care for my son who was 2 let alone caring for 4 children as you do. My husband at the time was quite supportive and always tried to help me. After 6 months of 24/7 anxiety attacks , constant trips to the hospital and weighing only 90lbs I finally said it's time to do something and contacted a doctor , got on meds and have been on them for years. My heart really breaks for you cause I hate for someone to feel that way. Especially when someone is so far away and u can reach out and help. Anytime u wanna chat , please feel free to message me. Don't go through this alone. God bless you hun. I hope u have a better day tomorrow and can get some rest.
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    • Posted

      Hi Jennifer. I feel the same as you. I am sooo glad for the xanax also. I have noticed so many on here are on meds I never even heard of. Kind of makes you want to pass them out so they can calm for a bit wink There has to be something similar. For so many years the anxiety would get better and I could function. Then a major stress would happen, and right back where I started. My worst is I have 6 kids. If something bad happens to one of them, I can not handle it at all. I am totally useless. I hate that. I am their mother, and I should be their strength. Thank you for your input!!
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    • Posted

      Bonnie.. I'm a single mom of 2. Luckily my dad is very supportive and understands me. My mother on the other hand tells me to suck it up and get over it , as if it were that easy. And the medicine thing is definitely strange. I'm a nurse and I'm sure the meds in the states and the meds in other places have different names from each other but all in all there probably the same. All I know for sure is that xanax is my lifesaver. And as addictive as they are I couldn't imagine not having them. I would go crazy If I didn't have them during my attacks. They r literally like my lifeline. After years on 200mg of Zoloft my Dr just switched me to 40mg of celexa. I guess I have built up a tolerance and hopefully the med change will help. Although I'm only 3 days in with the New meds I have seen negatives and positives. Would love ur input on your experience with different medications if u would like to share.
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    • Posted

      Jennifer, at first they tried me on antidepressants. They did NOT fit me. When they had me on Prozac, I went to check myself into a mental hospital. They would not keep me. But it gave me constant panic all day everyday for 2 weeks. When they gave me Welbutrin (sp), I turned into instant B____! It was horrible. My poor kids lol. So they gave up on those and gave me Xanax. At first it was as needed. I took them like that for about 7 years. I did not have to take them daily until my 17 year old daughter ran away from home. I felt abandoned again. I do not think I have constant depression, but I do get depressed when I get panicy. My doctor told me a few years ago I have COPD. That made me whack out pretty bad. I came home, went to bed, and waited to die. Now I kind of think he just said that to get me to quit smoking. I know I need to, but I have tried everything with no luck. Are you in the States?
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    • Posted

      Bonnie... Sounds like me too. I have tried several anti anxiety meds. Paxil made me pass out , cymbalta made me suicidal , wellburtin made me very nervous , buspar did nothing and Zoloft finally worked but after years of being on it I have become immumed and so just switched to the celexa 3 days ago. Had xanax with each prescription as my back up. I have GAD and PTSD so I know I need meds daily. I just turned 35 Valentine's day this year and have been smoking for 3 years now since I lost my uncle unexpectedly , the my granny was diagnosed with lung and brain cancer and I just recently lost her and i have felt doomed for the last 3 years. Now I'm recently single since Dec 2014 for the first time in my life and it's like I know I need to stop smoking but honestly it's my release alone with my xanax so I can understand where ur coming from. And yes I'm in the states , North Carolina.
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    • Posted

      I don't drink either due to my ex husband being an alcoholic. It's funny u say nerve calmer cause I feel the same way even tho cigarettes are a stimulate. Being from the south having sweet tea and a cigarette go hand and hand . oh and don't forget the xanax. Lol
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