Please talk some sense into me..

The painkillers don't work. Nothing works except for morphine and the drs are not keen on giving out this kind of medication.

I so want to get back to fitness and my life, but I am being held back by my worry about surviving the surgery. I don't think I would be having it at all if I could somehow shuffle through! 

Do your painkillers work? I haven't found anything does and would be interested to know which ones work for you.

I hate hospitals and operations, the only way I would have one is if was literally life threatening. This is not life threatening but very life limiting.

I am worried I am putting myself at risk (mainly I worry about my children) and it is not actually life threatening. Although I am sore all of the time and am struggling, is this enough? Or can I just somehow hobble through.

Not anymore no, they take the edge off a bit but I think I've become immune to them now, I don't want to up the dosage because I've still got to be on my game for the kids and for work.

This is the problem, the pain relief may take the edge off slightly but I am totally impaired. I tried some proper full on pain relief this weekend but couldn't keep my eyes open and felt so sick and ill for hours. I couldn't function. It did help a little, but not much the pain was very much still in place, and certainly not enough to become a vegetable.

Anything less doesn't touch it. 

Rose - you mention that your hip is not life threatening, well I disagree with you, firstly it is stealing any life you have and the longer you leave it the harder your recovery is going to be, muscle loss, etc.

Also don't overlook the possibility as rare as it is, you can break your hip when its that worn out, I was warned by my surgeon not to step down any steps, he was very strong on this advice, as I do have two steps to enter and leave my house, on my right hip, as what was left of my right hip had already drilled a hole in my pelvis, surgeon was horrified and furious with my GP, also told me to fire my GP before he kills you.

Was also told a story by an ambulance officer around the same time as my visit to the surgeon about a patient she could not save, broke hip and shard had slashed a major artery in her pelvis, she commented she was close to dead by the time we got her to the hospital, had bleed out internally.

I saw same happen to my Dad when he broke his lower leg when I was about 20, many years ago, apparently slashed an vein in his leg, he said he was OK, but his leg puffed up and was seriously blue, against his wishes I drove him to the hospital, not a happy camper, spent a very long time in hospital, and then months and months in a cast.

Get that surgery done.

Best wishes Lyn

Do you know Lyn you are completely right. 

I broke my arm thanks to my hip, and three times I have fallen down the stairs where it has collapsed without warning this year. I am lucky my new hip was not damaged by the falls, but it could have been bad and I conveniently forget about this danger. 

Now I hold on for dear life when I go up and down as it is always seems to go without warning. 

Quite apart from my life is unrecognisable now and I have become a shell of myself. I used to sing and be happy now I am biting back the pain, trying to work out how to avoid ever going up the stairs and pain avoidance has become all I can think about. I don't go out, in case I can't park near by and can't manage the walk. I have internalised the disability as almost permanent now if I am honest.

It affects my MH, my parenting ability and my work. 

Thank you for the kick. I need a good kick to get me there as I shake like a leaf thinking about it. 

Rose. Go for it. We all have fears but put them aside. I can say, do it for yr kids. They love you. They don't want to see you suffering. They want you to be able to enjoy life with them. 

Also, the longer you are inactive the more unhealthy you will become. Maybe even developing life threatening health issues. 

You are not living. You are just scraping by. You deserve to be healthy and pain free. Enjoying life. 

As for pain killers. I found nothing really helped. Perhaps something really strong and not recommended would have but what would that do to other parts of yr body?

I'm 53. Had both hips done now. Happy and alive. Come on. You can do it. 😃

You sound like me. I have been delaying my surgery for nearly a year or longer in fact.

I have reassured hundreds of people on here about the very same thing I am experiencing and always saying my THP WAS a great success in the end.

The pain is bad, my life has dwindled to almost nothing and even now I STILL don't want to do this again.

Some days are worse than others, and I can't wait to go. Then some days it isn't quite so bad and I think I can keep going without the surgery. 

I ca't walk after going to the gym or sleep, and the pain is just unbearable. I go on the bike for a little while. I love the gym and I am so sad not to go.

Ouch your lovely post really hit a nerve. As in really hit a nerve and brought tears to my eyes. I am a cripple. That is exactly what I have become. I am hobbling around like a woman that is 105 not 43. 

I want to be the happy crazy Mummy I am in my heart, I want to play with my kids, I want to take my dogs out. I want to be free of this awful crippling pain.

This surgery feels like a choice. If I had a heart attack and needed surgery I wouldn't have the choice, but this feels optional. Of course it is not really, because with out there is no quality of life, just an existence in the shades of grey that is the pain.

I don't want to wait until I literally can not move.

But I am becoming so frightened again.....and so then I think oh maybe it isn't THAT bad, and allow myself the delusion of managing without the surgery.

THANK YOU for your post.  By telling me this you have reminded me why I must do this (even if I am literally breaking out in a sweat thinking about it)

I remember you Chloe!! I think I may have been one of those people that 'talked you down'!!!

I am most frightened that I will die during the operation and never see my kids again. I am not worried about it failing, infections or anything else. I am simply terrified I won't make it.

I am being ridiculous because there is no reason to think this, well apart from the forms that tell you 1 in a 100 do die from this. I am healthy and fit (ish) so no reason to worry, but I am so anxious.

I can't believe I feel like this given I have done it already once before but there we are are 

Hi Rose I know it’s scary I’ve just had right hip done 5 weeks a go and need left doing after I’ve recovered from this one and I am now thinking should I wait . I have literally lost the last 3 years with my children I am 50 and have 5 and we have done very little we live near Skegness and we haven’t even managed beach walks because it was far too painful to walk far or drive home and no pain killers seemed to work I feel really guilty that they’ve missed out especially the 8 and 10 year old who while I’ve been laid up have looked after me fantastically my 10year old son has even took over doing all the washing! So all I can add is be strong it’s ok to be scared don’t be too hard on yourself and try to look forward to getting your life back and precious time with your children which passes far too quickly . Big hugs lynnex

Yes this is the point while we agonise over the operation and try to drag it out, their childhood is passing by. I can honestly say I can barely focus on my children now, and we haven't been able to do anything fu for ages as everything involves moving and pain. I feel their life has shrivelled with mine. I dread them asking to do anything, and now they have taken to treating me like a cripple always fussing is so lovely but I feel sorry for them having to put up with their cripple of a mother. It makes me so sad that I can't be that spritely mother than runs with their kids and plays happily with them. It chokes me.

BUT

We have at least something that can be repaired, it could be so much worse.

Certainly my health problems have taught my children empathy and kindness, and it will do them no harm to look after others for a change. My girls have learnt to make beds, look after all the pets, do the odd spot of washing and run the house. They have become so independent. So there is a silver lining. We have capable children now! 

I wished I had done my sooner for what it is worth. I have gone in a full circle, having been confident to do it again at the beginning and feeling strong. Over the years you become used to not doing things and it eats and erodes away your life. Get yours done as soon as you can, and then you can get on and enjoy their childhood without it hanging over you. 

The dread of this sits with me every day along with the pain. It is no life really for us or our little ones.

Hi Rose:

Repeating what I have said in my response a few minutes ago.

I had the same fears, because we have to give control of our lives to others.  It is all part of our own desire to survive - and flight or fright.  You are in "flight" mode at the moment.  These are primordial instincts and they are there for good reason.  Understand that, and you may start to overcome your fears of "snuffing it" when you are in theater.  

Have a think about how many fatalities on the operating table you have heard about over the years.....!!!

I so agree with you rose !