Please talk some sense into me..

Posted , 23 users are following.

I am getting really confused and could with some advice. My surgery is booked in two and a half weeks and I am having huge second thoughts. 

I am 43 with children and I have already had one THP! So you would think I would be much more decisive than I am. Please tell me at what stage did you have your THP:

I can not get out of a chair properly, I struggle to get in and out of car (it is quite big) I can't really shop because I can't walk far and fear I will run out of time and my hip will lock up. I can't exercise because it hurts too much. I can get up and down the stairs much more easily if I have had a quiet day. I finding sitting or standing too long quite sore. Lying down is the worst so I am struggling to sleep well.

On the upside I can still walk, I don't limp until the early evening and if I reduce my activities down to very little it still hurts, but it is not unbearable like it can be. I am still alive and well and if I do very little I can get by. Maybe I could even live like this for quite a while.

What do I do? Shall I put off the surgery until I can no longer bear to walk at all (this is what I want to do, but don't want a disorderly operation as I need to be organised with the children) and then I will be glad to go. Or shall I just go in a few weeks and get it over with.

I acknowledge I am (very) fearful of this operation and it is clouding my judgement. 

2 likes, 68 replies

68 Replies

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  • Posted

    Hi Rose:

    Your condition will not improve over time, the longer you delay it, and it will sit in the back of your mind, bugging you   I can understand the complications that having children raise, but you will be able to do less with them as the the condition continues to deteriorate. 

    Hip surgery is pretty much "run of the mill" these days, and although the first two weeks post op are the most challenging, from that point on, improvements in your condition and ability to move around will continue.

    Once you are over the initial six weeks and can get back into your car, and be a little more active, your morale will improve and so will that of your children and husband. 

    Do you have someone who can stay with you and help out during the first few weeks?  Moral support and the occasional hug can do wonders.  Unfortunately, I never had that - quite the reverse, and almost lost the will to live, so in many respects you are ahead of the game.

    Why are you so fearful of the op?  Was the first one a bad experience?  I do seem to remember some of your older posting where you had a bad experience, so I would avoid that hospital.

    I think that I sent you a private message giving you the name of a really good surgeon and his location, and I hope you checked him out. 

    I have the impression, from what you say, that you are already scheduled, and are now thinking of pulling out.  It is up to you what you finally decide to do, but delaying the inevitable does not help. 

    It is imperative that you have a good surgeon and a good anaesthetist, though.  Hopefully, you have checked them out, as well as the hospital itself.  

    All th best

    • Posted

      You are very perceptive. Yes I did have a bad experience (not the hip itself, that was great) but the care afterwards and the subsequent failings did not make for a good experience at all. So maybe if the last one had been more straight forward I may not feel so afraid this time.

      I am trying to see this as a one off and unlikely to happen again. My new hospital and surgeon I have complete confidence in, so I do feel okay in that respect. Just the idea of doing it again.....it is not easy.

      I have an irrational fear of not making it through, and I can't shift this fear no matter how hard I try.

      I keep rolling my surgery forward and each time, I am in permanent decline now, that I may not 'make it' to the operation date and will just not be able to walk full stop. So far I have got there, but it is constantly hurting me and isn't for free. I am frayed, tired, exhausted from the pain and wondering what the point is of keeping waiting! That is the rational side then the fear kicks in.

      Not pleasant. 

      Thank you for your message, I hope you are starting to feel better now? 

       

    • Posted

      Hi Rose:

      I had the same misgivings about upcoming surgery.  I think we all do.  Our fears are very much connected to our natural survival and self preservation instincts and the reluctance to give control of our survival to others. 

      By the time surgery time came around, I felt that it was time to hand myself over to the hands of professionals who are trained to know what they are doing, and how to handle any emergency should it arise. 

      You must have had the pre op, and they will have your medical history.  So, they know your medical history overall medical and will know how to manage your surgery and recovery.  You have been through all of this before, so have a pretty good idea of how things proceed once you are admitted.  They prep you, so that the apprehension and fears are dissipated, and the after care is there for you.

      The bad experience with the first op, is more than likely still working away at the back of your mind, and is probably influencing your feelings of apprehension about this op, now.  These things very rarely happen to the same person twice!  And, you have faith in your team.

      In the final analysis, the decision is yours to make, and no one is going to tell  you to undertake major surgery if you have deep seated and reasonable fears about its outcome.  

      I am sure your children will be very happy to gather around you once you are home again, watch you  progress back to full working order, and have a happy and fully ambulant Mummy, back.

      Take time alone, and sit and reflect upon what it is that really frightens you, and then maybe discuss it with your partner, or your GP, or any other person, whose judgement and feedback you trust.  We are all here for you, too, don't forget.

      I am improving, but do still become very tired and depressed.  I am close to the end of the fourth week, and should be given the OK to drive at the beginning of October.  The new hip is coming along beautifully.  No more nagging pain, my leg seem to be pretty much the same length, now, which is an added bonus.

      I have treated myself to a beautiful black, Shirin Guild Sweater and maybe a few other goodies, like a good haircut at my favourite salon.  He really does know how to cut hair/

      Look to the future and what it will bring, post op!

      Keep going, be strong, and make the best decision for you. 

  • Posted

    Obviously it's always a personal decision and a choice to have surgery or not. From what I've read in your comments, you are hesitant due to fear of the unknown aspects of the surgery.

    You mentioned "hobbling through" which makes me wonder how you really manage. It will not get any better and could get even worse. I have heard about people who waited until they were even less mobile and then had a much longer recovery.

    Pain can be managed sometime, but not always. Taking pain meds for long time can adversely affect other areas of the body. I generally avoid them but did take some after my surgery for about a week. Then switched to Tylenol.

    You posted here asking for some help. Many of us who have had THR have experienced similar fears. It's all about lack of control. The alternative to me (and many others) was not a choice. I wanted quality to my life, free of the frequent hip pain.

    If and when you decide what to do, everyone will be supportive.

    Wishing you the best.

     

    • Posted

      Thank you, yes it is imposed on us, and unlike other surgeries you get to have a very very long to think about it, and it is not always a good thing. If it just totally gave up altogether I would no longer have the 'choice' and it would be easier.

      This anguish will pass. I hope! 

  • Posted

    Whatever you do, don't delay getting it done, the outcome will be so much better the sooner you get it done.  You may be able to walk a bit, but for how much longer?  When deterioration starts it progresses rapidly.

    Remember, we're all here for you if you need us cool.

    Best wishes

    Graham

    • Posted

      Rocket, I am sorry but hear we go again. I wish I was feeling better but all I can feel is the bottomless pit of dread. I can't actually escape the worry. 

      I might just get it done to put me out of my own misery. I hope the same mistake won't happen this time. 

      You have been an inspiration. Really you have, if you can do it, I can do it. 

    • Posted

      Rose,

      Of course you can do it, with the whole hip forum behind you every inch of the way.

      You are young to be going through this, but do it for your children, I am sure they'd rather see you free of the horrible pain that we have all suffered to some extent, and to be able to do all the things you want to do.

      The same mistakes rarely happen, and you know from experience that everyone always says "do not delay" the operation, get it done as soon as possible. If I needed the other done, I would not delay, even after all I have been through for this one hip.

      I am now doing things I have not done before, regular gym sessions, keep fit, walking, cycling .... and enjoying my new life.

      Best wishes

      Graham

      ?

  • Posted

    rose, i am in the same spot, but i have mild to moderate pain and can get around - and somedays have very very little soreness. i don't take meds of any kind just supplements. but _everyday_ i think about when i should do it. that in itself is mentally exhausting. 

    it sounds like you are in worse shape than i am at this time. i think reading your condition of what you _can't_ do  and the pain you are in, and if you are taking meds that work sometimes or not at all, i would get it done. 

    i figure that "tipping point" will come to me in due time. and i _think_ the tipping point for me will be when I am in pain over 50% of the day based on moderate activities, or when I can't sleep, or rest comfortably when watching tv.  Right now i get mild to moderate pain if i walk maybe 1/2 mile. i do exercise low impact. but overall, right now, i do not feel motivated to have the op. it is kind of a risk vs reward thing.   good luck to you!

    • Posted

      Yes I guess while I can still 'manage' even in a very moderate way I will keep going, but it is taking its toll. I am not the person I was, even just the worry is really getting me down.

      I can walk maybe 5-10 minutes at the most, so enough to get by if I can find a good parking space but it is no life! I am miserable as hell!

  • Posted

    Dear Rose from what you have told us it strikes me that you should already have had it! Please do not delay as it can easily be a very rapid down hill situation at the stage you are at.

    Putting it off will not solve anything it will certainly make everything worse, likely very much worse and will most very likely also impact your back too.

    Good luck, Richard

    • Posted

      Thankyou so much! Yes I am yet again in meltdown, so wish I was one of these braver people that take it all in their stride!

      How are you?

  • Posted

    I remember you had a very traumatic time in hospital last time. Was the complaint ever satisfactorily resolved? 

    I do think you know the answer though, must be done. Your girls are that much older and be able to help more. 

    All the best

    maggie

    • Posted

      I received a formal apology from the hospital but not a full acknowledgement. I had no intention of taking them to court, but the letter was very well written to acknowledge what happened without taking responsibility if I can put it that way?

      That evening they were very short of staff due to christmas sickness and so things were missed. They confirmed that my notes were not updated and someone should have been with me when the worst of it happened.

      So yes in some way there were lessons to be learnt and I hope they were, but in other ways no because I am worried the same practices happen today.

      I have a wonderful surgeon lined up in a world class hospital. I have had three years to prepare for this, but I am still really really scared, and I can't sleep or think about anything else. 

      I am sure this time will be different. I have been assured it will be. I would like to just wake up with it done, as this is a slow torture.

      Thankfully the girls are older,  and are much more helpful.

       

    • Posted

      Thank you Maggie - you have always been an amazing rock to all of us. You even remember us all!! 

      Thank you.

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