Poems and Thoughts

Your mind is working overtime, you wish you could stop these thoughts 

If only there was a way to stop them, if only you'd been taught

You take each day as it comes take each step as you see them, as the Latin say 'carpe diem'

Life doesn't always turn out the way you hoped it'd go, you're feeling weak insecure or just generally low 

But there's always a way out you just need to seek 

Pick yourself up, be strong, stand on you're own two feet 

Everyone in life have their ups and downs, you're certainly not alone 

Life's never as bad as you think, nothing is set in stone 

So don't let yourself be brought down by hurt, sadness nor hate 

You can change things if you try, you can decide your own fate 

So if you're feeling alone or just maybe a little sad don't dwell on what you haven't got and think of the things you have! 

Panic "

my breathing hurries, i'm overwhelmed by heat

I start to shake from my head to my feet

My chest tightens up, feel like I'm going to die 

I wait it out till it passes then I can't help but cry

Cos it's the scariest thing to ever go through, not knowing what's wrong or what to do

I walk out the door and I'm scared right away, I think that at home I should have stayed

Cos when I'm out in public I'm always so wary, my heart always races, it's always so scary 

I hope that soon I'll be on the mend, hope they'll go away hope that they'll end 

Cos I won't these feelings to be no more, for things to go back to how they were before 

I hate these attacks that I have endured, I weep as I wonder if I'll ever be cured.

'Just because'"

Just because you don't see me cry, it doesn't mean that I'm not sad 

Just because I seem to have a lot, it doesn't mean I have 

Just because I laugh and Joke and smile a lot of the time, it doesn't mean I'm happy, It doesn't mean I'm fine 

If only you could understand, if only you could see, that the girl you see on the outside is not the real me! 

Everyday I pretend, everyday I'm playing the role, of someone who is happy, who's life is in control 

But this is far from the truth, it's all an act you see, cos the truth is I'm not happy, the truth is I don't like being me

When a new day comes I wish it hadn't came, because I know no matter what I do I'll always feel the same 

I laugh and joke about with friends as if I haven't got a care, but at night I feel so lonely because nobody is there

Feels like the world is leaving me behind while it just keeps moving on, feel like I'm not a part of it, feel like I don't belong 

Feel sad about this hand that I've been given, just because I'm alive it doesn't mean that I'm living! 

Thoughts'"

These thoughts in my head go round and round, so I've put pen to paper and wrote them all down 

Sometimes life's funny with the way things go, but I don't see the amusement when I'm feeling this low 

There's a lot of things in my life that get me down, but because I'm a mum i have to hide my frown 

I hide my troubles, my worries, my fears, I hide the hurt and I hide the tears

Sometimes my whole body aches and hurts 

And I think.."can my life get any worse?

I wake in the morning and I know that it's time, to do it all again, to pretend that I'm fine!

Today has been hard, been feeling really low, had no one I can talk to, had nowhere I could go 

So I sit myself down, take out my pen, open my book and write a poem again 

I write down these thoughts and feelings of mine, as I find it easier to express them through rhyme 

You see this book its like my journal, it helps fill an empty space and somehow as I'm writing, the words fall into place 

In a way it's a comfort as I can read them Back and see, how tough the days can sometimes get For me 

I can also see the changes I need to make, where things started to go wrong, where I'm making my mistakes 

So I'll keep writing these poems for as long as I feel the need, until the sadness goes away and the happy me is Freed! 

'Nobody knows'"

People are always telling me to cheer up but they haven't got a clue, they don't understand that it's not that simple, they don't know what I go through 

But I don't blame these people, in a way they're just naive, it's the way they see things, it's just how they perceive 

But only I know, only I know it to be true, that the way I feel and act sometimes is not just me feeling blue 

There's a whole lot more beneath all that, a whole lot more besides, they don't understand the battle I fight, how every day I try to hide 

The hurt and pain inside of me, they just don't see at all,

How they see life as a happy thing yet I just see it as cruel! 

'Cutting'"

Do you sit alone feeling scared and afraid? 

Do you stop and reach for the nearest blade?

Do you cut to release the tension? 

Are your thoughts full of frustration? 

Are you like me or am I just dumb? 

Is it just me who's minds constantly numb? 

Please tell me that I'm normal 

Please tell me that it's okay 

Am I the only one that can't keep my feelings at bay? 

One minute I'm fine one minute life makes sense, the next I make these cuts at my minds expense! 

I wish I could stop I wish I knew how 

Wish someone could relate to the way Im feeling now 

Slit my arm to watch it bleed 

It's not something that I want, it's something that I need 

To feel the pain to see the blood spill

Anything to stop the way That I feel

Oh god this is stupid I don't need you to tell 

I know I should stop but wish I knew how 

I just want someone to relate, want someone to see, to tell me that I'm normal and there's nothing wrong with me

The truth is I don't want to do this to myself!

The truth is Im just crying out for help! 

I try to change things in every way, but nothing's ever different, it's just like Groundhog Day 

The same bad things repeating over and over, where's my luck? Where's my four leaf clover?

I don't know why I bother even wanting more as things just stay as they were before 

I have to lie in it for I have made my bed, try to stop thinking of what could have been instead 

So I'll let things play out even though they're not that great, but my life is what it is, maybe is just fate?

So I won't try to change things cos what will be will be, the sooner that I realise that the sooner that I'll see 

That most things in life are beyond our control, we're just pawns in life's game, I'm just playing my role! 

Storm' "

As single teardrop falls from my eye, the clouds grey over in the sky

When it rains it pours, it's like a raging storm,

My mind is in tatters, my heart is torn 

I hope and I pray that the day will come, when even through storms I can see the sun.

"Dear Mr 'D' (depression) "

Dear Mr D why are you here? Making me miserable and living in fear, casting your shadow all around, at every turn pulling me down 

Dear Mr D why have you came, is it something I did? am I to blame? 

I wish you'd go, why won't you leave? 

Stop suffocating and let me breathe

I've fought with my body, my mind, my soul, but I can't cope anymore, I'm losing control 

I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm all alone, I can't get through this on my own 

I've tried and tried for far too long, but I can't fight anymore you're just too strong!!!

Dear Mr D why can't you see just what it is you are doing to me.

I had an ok day today, was good, I managed a smile, but the feeling didn't extend to tonight, it only lasted a little while 

I thought that maybe things would change but all alas alack, as soon as I feel I could be happy the sadness comes rushing back 

But I will keep on fighting, I'll keep on pushing through, for it's the only way I know how, it's just what I have to do 

So I'll end this poem now before I say goodnight, 

As I'm going to need all my strength for tomorrow's fight! 

I wear a mask so that I can disguise, the hurt and pain that I feel inside 

It comes with a smile, laughter and fun, for I can't show my true feelings to anyone 

I wear it so that I can pretend none of its real, this pain, hurt and sadness I feel 

I'm suffocated by my thoughts, i'm crushed by my pain, I'm overwhelmed by emotions I can't contain 

I torment myself everyday, for these feelings I cannot keep at bay

I'm stuck with this burden, I'm stuck with this guilt, I'm stuck with the mountain of pressure that's built 

I live in the past and I can't move on, I just want to forget, I want to be strong 

But because of what happened, I can't let it go, I can't talk to anyone they just won't know 

They won't understand, they'd think I'm bad, that I'm a horrible person, that I deserve to feel sad