Poems and Thoughts

hearing nothing but the sound 

Of these thoughts of mine 

I think it's time 

To admit that everything's not fine 

It's not ok I'm not alright 

I can't keep putting up this fight 

Make it stop just make it leave 

For I am finding it hard to breathe 

suffocating so overwhelmed 

When and how did I get so down 

So low, so lonely, So sad 

questioning my sanity 

Am I mad? 

This constant headache of thoughts in my mind 

Is beginning to now slowly grind 

Me down, I think I'm losing control 

Please someone pull me out of this hole 

Someone please just take my hand 

This isn't supposed to happen 

This wasn't what was planned 

What is wrong with me why am I like this 

Just to feel normal is my only wish 

Just what it is I'm going through and how I hate being me 

Jumping from one person to the next just hoping to find an ear

That'll listen to what's going on and how I live in fear 

I shout from the rooftops but my voice just doesn't get heard 

No one wants to listen to the things that I've incurred! 

But I can't blame them as my own minds in a muddle 

I just need someone to hold my hand or just to give me a cuddle 

I don't mean to act like a child I really don't

but just because I'm an adult doesn't mean that I won't 

Need someone to be there to tell me it's okay

To tell me that it's just a blip and these feelings will go away 

But until I find that person I'll guess I just keep pushing through 

I just wish someone would help me and tell me I matter too! 

Have no more understanding of what life's about 

These damaging thoughts ruining my existence 

Can't let go of my inhibitions 

Seeking to find a reason searching to find the source 

Of why it is I feel this way and why I have these thoughts 

This horrible presence with me with every step I take 

With me when I fall to sleep and everyday when I wake

Just Wanting to be rid of this sorrow 

Yearning for a better tomorrow 

But when I looked a little closer I saw what I had done

"Look" she said "I'm mummy" as she lay on the bed and cry 

"Look" he said "I'm daddy" as he waved them both goodbye 

Is this what I've made them see is this what they think is the norm 

My eyes fill with tears as I feel my heart being torn

I didn't realise that they had seen thought they were too young to understand 

This wasn't what I wanted to happen this wasn't what id planned!

I didn't know they understood I didn't know that they had seen 

I wished what I was watching was just some horrible dream 

I took them into my arms and hugged them all so tight 

I wish they hadn't seen their mummy and daddy fight! 

I put them into bed, tuck them in and then

I make a silent promise to never let them see me cry again 

So as I lay on my bed that night And the tears start to seep 

I wipe them away as quick as they come, I will no longer be weak!!! 

You've been posting poems for three years, which means you've survived 3 years of depression. That's an amazing achievement. The fact that you are so prolific and creative, writing poetry when you feel bad, is quite admirable. If you dont get self-worth from anything then at least get it from that!