Posting on this is taking me a lot of courage.
Posted , 10 users are following.
I have been a heavy drinker for several years drinking up to 1.75 liters of wine a night. It was a good month if I had one day sober. Drinking goes against my lifestyle since I am very cautious of what I eat and exercise. I have run 11 half marathons but the drinking has got in the way of what I love. I know every reason why I should stop but it is so hard.
Since April I have been trying hard to stop and I had some success
April 25 drinking days
May 5 drinking days
June 16 drinking days
July 21drinking days
I was able to put it aside while camping for 7 days without any problems or bother but as soon as I got home I picked it up again. Yesterday was the first day in 8 that I did not have any wine.
I plan to keep it that way because I really want this to happen.
Please just send some encouragement so I don't feel so alone.
1 like, 34 replies
Misssy2 Smile47824
Posted
It takes alot to post....
You have been doing pretty good..especially in MAY...what happened in May? What was going on that you were able to only drink for 5 days? I'm not interegating you...LOL...I'm trying to help you remember.....
I am also determined to stop letting alcohol control my life! And NO it is not easy....it is so powerful.
All I can say is if you chose not to drink at all...I would ask a Dr. for Campral it is working WELL for me...and I have been really struggling in the last 2 years.
If you want to cut down...people here have alot of experience with Naltraxone...or the Sinclair method....
EVERYONE here is open and willing to listen...just keep typing...Welcome.
Smile47824 Misssy2
Posted
Thanks. That's a really good question. Every morning after drinking I wake up and say "no more, I can do this!" I am so proud of myself when I wake up feeling rested and like I won even if it was just for one night. But come evening or a day off I feel like I have no control and it just wants to drag me back in to this vicious circle.
The 25 of April I had a discussion (not a pleasant one) with my husband and we decided that something had to be done. I stopped for 10 days and decided to have one "party day" and that was ok but I noticed that my "party days" came closer together. He supports me and he is wonderful but I feel like I can't explain to him how hard this is. I feel like I am caged by this problem. I've thought about the costs...monetary, social, health, family, what I'm teaching to my children...and now I think that I have no choice but to stop
Misssy2 Smile47824
Posted
Hmmm....I KNOW...trust me and many others here KNOW too...you really found the right place.
I don't know what else to say at the moment...until you type more...but I am here with others...I see most activity around THIS time on the board.
Are you in the UK? I am in the USA...my time difference is big from the UK..so I usually am typing at different times....
One thing...you are lucky to have a husband that is understanding...BUT..that will run thin after many let downs....and you know that your relationship will also be strained and that the family *your children will suffer.
But, that WILL NOT CHANGE your ADDICTION...My kids are 30 and 27...25 years of their lives I WANTED to stop or 22 years....I stopped for 8 years when they were older but a little too late.
How old are your children? Please don't beat yourself up...I'm not good at saying "not to beat yourself up" because other people here seem to be really good at saying that or s*cking it up....I CANT s*ck ut up...I always beat myself up.
just keep trying...NEVER STOP TRYING....when you stop trying.....there is no chance....YOU HAVE A CHANCE.
Smile47824 Misssy2
Posted
Your post made me cry. It's good to know someone understands. I'm in Canada. I have 4 children. 20, 18, 16 and 12. And I know you are right that it is putting a strain on my husband. I love him so much. He is my best friend. I never want to hurt him.
I also beat myself up but I really have to be proud of the day to day wins.
Misssy2 Smile47824
Posted
winning...
Its great he is your best friend...than he probably will continue to stay with you....like mine did...then I dumped him after 22 years.....and getting sober. So sad..but he deserved it...trust me.
Yea, FOR TODAY...don't beat yourself up......ok.....eat something good.
I KNOW for a fact...eating something good....makes the desire to drink LESS.
As soon as I eat...I know I'm NOT going to drink....its getting me to eat that is the issue.
However, I KNOW and I continue to KNOW that if I WANT to KEEP drinking...I WANT TO DIE....
My history lately...drink = hospital.
2 weeks ago...critical low sodium...stroke material....just keeps getting worse EACH time.
Misssy2 Smile47824
Posted
winning...
Its great he is your best friend...than he probably will continue to stay with you....like mine did...then I dumped him after 22 years.....and getting sober. So sad..but he deserved it...trust me.
Yea, FOR TODAY...don't beat yourself up......ok.....eat something good.
I KNOW for a fact...eating something good....makes the desire to drink LESS.
As soon as I eat...I know I'm NOT going to drink....its getting me to eat that is the issue.
However, I KNOW and I continue to KNOW that if I WANT to KEEP drinking...I WANT TO DIE....
My history lately...drink = hospital.
?2 weeks ago...critical low sodium...stroke material....just keeps getting worse EACH time
Misssy2
Posted
Smile47824 Misssy2
Posted
Misssy2 Smile47824
Posted
Thank you....you too....
Going for a drive with b/f.....to the beach near my house.
Not thrilled...I'm exhausted...BUT IM NOT DRUNK...so I CAN do anything!
Smile47824 Misssy2
Posted
Good for you! 👍
karen.m Smile47824
Posted
Hi 2 smile.
It's tough. So tough when you are so torn between a lifestyle that is " healthy" and one that is not. Leading a double life. You know the extremes of both in what it has to take. Both are addictions to a certain extent. I used to run and know all too well the commitment and mindset it takes. Oddly enough if you mirror that it can easily apply to drinking.
You have the mindset to do it. Everyday you wake up. Everyday you can make a decision. In running , and you know this , when you don't feel like a run or feeling crappy about it you say to yourself " I'll do it for 5 min and if I dont like it I'll turn back, but you know in that 5 min chances are you will keep going.
Use the power of running and being free to free yourself. I know you know it is possible. Remember the feeling of feet sounding on pavement , of the sound of your breath, of your lungs expanding and feeling clear. Remember the runners high of getting the shivers and then focusing. That is SO much better than why we are all here on this forum.
You can do it smile. Replace one with the other. When you feel like a drink go and tie up the runners. Just go outside. Rain sun or snow. Just go. Outside is freedom.
You can do it smile. Don't worry if it's been a while or " it's not like it used to be " we all started somewhere and every step is a step forward
Smile47824 karen.m
Posted
Thanks karen.m
I like what you had to say especially the part of how both in way can be addictions. I didn't think of it that way.
I also do actually do that...when I feel out of it I try to go for a walk/ run/ gym but it doesn't always work. But I try.
I am going to put what you said on my fridge so it will remind me
h1954 Smile47824
Posted
Well done, Smile, for finding this site and posting. And for doing something about your drinking.
If you can go for days without a drink with no withdrawal problems it doesn't sound as though you are addicted. So I wonder it it's a situational/habit/ritual thing. When you're away from your normal situation you can go without drinking like when camping. Then as soon as you're back home you open the wine.
I would say that your otherwise healthy lifestyle is helping you get away with the amount you drink. So what were you doing in May that you only had 5 drinking days?
It might be useful to keep a log not only of whether you drink each day, but how much, and what you are doing and how you are feeling. This might throw up a pattern to explore. And notice what you're doing when you don't drink and see if you can do more of that.
On the days when you do drink, is it still 2 or more bottles of wine? If so you might want to explore a medical option called the Sinclair method which you can Google and which others on this site have lots of experience of and will no doubt post a response for you.
I wish you well
Smile47824 h1954
Posted
Hi h1954
I do have some withdrawal symptoms for the first day or 2 mainly nightmares but after that I feel better. I have looked into the "why and what" causes and at first it was the stresses that would send me to drink. I had a somethings in life that were tough to deal with. But I do not like using them as a crutch to justify it anymore.
I have a stable life now for the last 5 years and a great relationship with my husband/best friend. I have noticed that it is a habit...very bad habit. I like it and I want to do it even though I know I shouldn't. Even though I wake up in the morning and hate what I have done.Must sound stupid to say.
I have tried to limit it to 2 glasses, buying smaller bottles, etcetera...but none of that worked.
2 days dry
Thanks for your reply.
h1954 Smile47824
Posted
Doesn't sound stupid at all smile, sounds very much like me. When you enjoy your wine and you have a healthy and fulfilling life with it, it is very hard to make changes and, for me at least, to find the motivation. One thing that helped me a bit was to set limits, not of quantity but of time, eg nothing before 6pm and nothing after 9pm. Plus a couple of days without alcohol each week. I did quite well with that for a while. The not after 9 pm is important because you're work in with your metabolism to deal with the alcohol before your body shuts down at bed time. The other thing that helped was having someone to report to on a regular basis as to how I was doing, but that support was stopped due to funding. I've slipped back quite a lot without it. But I still do the main thing of not drinking before or during an occasion where I want/need to be sober. I wish you all the very best.
gwen45436 Smile47824
Posted
Oh Gawd Smile - ditto ditto dito - even down to the cute lil ole smaller bottles - that lasted about 3 months - then the bigger ones jumped right into my shopping trolley. My hub is my bestie also and I wake up in the morning really angry with myself and ashamed - especially when he has only had a glass of beer with dinner and a single malt before bed. When he pours it I think "is that all" but then in the morning I think "why can't I".
G.