Quit job so depressed

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Just took early release from work at 60 years old and I am so depressed. It was the biggest mistake of my life worry about money all time let everyone down, see no future, have no interest in anything and my lovely partner of 27 years has had enough of me and is about leave me. Lie awake every night been to see doc who is now going to get the mental health people to call I have never been so scared

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26 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi philip

    Try to take it calmly

    Talk things through with your partner.

    Hang on in there. Get something else. Anything, eve n a lowpaid job to give you a focus. Or evven volunteer as a helper 

    The mental health people should call soon nd maybe suggest your next move.

    Don't give up.

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    • Posted

      Hi Shirley

      Thank you for your comments I have never been on this type of threads before so i don't know how much or little to say. Never been very good at opening up about things .

      Feel so ashamed at the way I feel , my partner and I have talked and talked and she says all right things and is so supportive but my mind is stuck in the why did i leave moment.

      The last 5 years have been horrendous just one thing after another. Perhaps one day I will type it all out.

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  • Posted

    Hi again philip,

    The first step is the hardest.

    Hang on in there. I retired 17 years ago and I have been extremely busy ever since.

    It's just a different role, that's all.

    Your support from your partner is the key to all this.

    I try to fill my days so that when I wake up n,say, Wednesday, I say to myself, oh today it's ---- followed by -----

    That way my day has a structure and that feels kind of comfortable.

    Everyone is different though.

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  • Posted

    Hi Philip

    Big life changes like retirement can play havoc on our health and lead to serious depression. Everything we thought we were and our daily routines change. It can be so difficult establishing and adjusting to a new way of being. In addition you have the added worry of a possible break up. It must feel like everything is crumbling around you. Is there any possibility that you can salvage your relationship? Have you been open and honest in telling your partner that you are suffering with depression?

    It may be they don't fully understand how you are feeling and how the depression is impacting on your ability to see to see the wood from the trees right now.

    Once you feel well enough it's important to establish a new routine eg plan out your week and incorporate activities or pastimes that make you happy. The loss of anything significant in life is a bereavement eg. What we once had. Therefore you will go through a spectrum of emotions before acceptance of the new way of being. There is an abundance of information on the web regarding retirement along with techniques to help you adjust. Money problems are always of concern around these times but again it's about planning and talking to creditors about what you can afford to pay. Most companies will accept a payment plan that you can afford. Philip you will be okay it may take a little time but you will get there. Has your doctor prescribed you antidepressants?

    Please keep in touch and let us know how things are going for you.

    God bless

    Lorraine xx

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    • Posted

      Thank you Lorraine for you kind words, I really hope I can save my relationship, she is my rock. She just wants me to happy and I know I am letting her down, she has been through so much.

      Her son is back living with us after going through an alcohol problem and a relationship break up, he seems to be getting over that and now she has me in this state. Doc did prescribe antidepressants but I was to scared to take them. She has now told me not to take them until the mental health people have phoned.

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    • Posted

      Hi philip,

      Your partner sound relly great and I am sure she is looking out for you.

      Try to take those antidepressants after the mental health people have given you a call back.

      I am on an antidepressant since April and without them I would not have coped with all the stuff that has happened t o me this year so far.

      Two operations and two bereavements.

      Believe me, if you had a broken ankle you would use a crutch for a bit and these pills are just like a crutch for people who have been over-stressed by life.

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    • Posted

      Hi Philip

      You really do need to take your antidepressants as they will get you back on track. You could be waiting a while for mental health call back. Personally I wouldn't wait your gp clearly thinks you are unwell enough to need them.

      What antidepressants have you been given? You may feel a little bit worse for wear when you first start taking them but..any side effects will pass within a couple of weeks. Then you will be on your way to getting better.

      I was scared of taking them at first as prior to being unwell I had only ever taken the odd neurofen or paracetamol!! The antidepressants have helped me so very much.

      I hope you and your partner work through any problems. It may be worth her reading up on depression so that she understands and supports you through this difficult time.

      Hug and blessings to you xx

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  • Posted

    Hi Philip I was dismissed from work at age 56 due to illness.  I am 61 now and have not worked since.   My depression was made a lot worse by my awful job so I was pleased to be out of it.   I stayed depressed for ages afterwards because unlike you I live on my own and I was so lonely and miserable and my finances took a huge drop which made things worse.  I also felt completely useless and unneeded. 

    I cannot get a job and have accepted that now.   I realised that what I was missing was the company,  feeling of usefulness and money.  Ok I haven't solved the money problems but I have adapted.  I solved the lonliness issue by joining a local group for over 55's and carrying on playing darts 2/3 times a week.   I realised that I needed structure coz all my life I have had structure placed on me by work like most of us had and I missed it when it was gone.  

    I volunteered to take my sisters dog out every day coz she is disabled.   Structure 1.  I go 2 afternoons to the over 55's centre.  Structure 2.   I have my darts on set nights.  Structure 3,  and finally I volunteered recently to work in a local charity shop 2 afternoons a week.  Structure 4.    

    Now I have my structures in place I am no longer lonely.  I feel useful again working in the charity shop.  Ok I haven't yet solved the money problem but nothings perfect is it?  smile   The main difference is I now enjoy all the things I do instead of having to be tied to a job  I didn't like much anyway.  

    You will find your way and your own structures.    Bev x  

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    • Posted

      Hi Bev

      Your absolutely right about having structure, I have told so many people in the past who have left work that you must have a reason to get up in the mornings but now it's my turn I just cannot seem to practice what I have preached. I too have only know for the passed 44 years, get up, go to work and come home. The money issue is a massive worry to me, which is strange because I have never been worrier over money before. Just led a simple life no extravagances.

      All my waking hours and there are a lot of them as I don't sleep hardly at all are spent with my mind going over and over, what have I done, this is the biggest mistake of my life and I have made alot. I feel I have let so many people down, I know there are many people worse of than me ........ so why do I feel so bad?

      The last 5 years have have been horrendous

      Dad died, ex wife died..........my son turns up on doorstep after walking out his wife and 1 year old daughter and stayed for 2 years, his depression due to his mum dying.

      And now my partners son is back with us recovering from alcoholism and relationship break up..........such is life

      Sorry for unloading this on you at 4 am

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    • Posted

      That's ok philip - I was deep in my pit at 4am anyway smile 

      You have had a lot on your plate so I am not surprised by  how you are feeling.  Don't beat yourself up about it please.   Maybe you need meds or a change and/or counselling?   I know my depression was bad after I left my job and I was panicking about being left alone with no company and no money.   

      I found when I left work I had far too much time on my hands to think and become neurotic.  Things came to the fore which I had buried for years by keeping busy busy busy and it was my defence. 

      One thing I have learned in life is that you can't change the past - you can only change your future but it is natural to feel guilt and pain over past mistakes.   You need to start seeing the positives more and less of the negative otherwise you will go stir crazy.

      I still feel very guilty over my father and not doing enough to help him when he was dying.  I feel the same over my mother and the guilt in having to put her into a home.   But I did the best that I could and so did you.

      Sometimes best is c..p but best is best and you can't do any more than that and no one can expect you to.   I am aware now that every challenge I face I do my best but sometimes it won't be enough.  I remember I am human and mistakes are an integral part of this and forgive myself.   I try and remember the good things I do for people  - balancing out the negative with the positive. 

      I am rambling a bit here love and not sure I am making much sense but I hope you can understand what I am trying to say.   Hugs  Bev x


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    • Posted

      Hi Bev

      No you're not rambling at all, I'm having such a bad day that I could read what you have to say all day. I feel so stressed today I can't see any future all my mind is telling me I have made the biggest mistake of my life no happiness no money my partner has just come in and we have had a row I need help please

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    • Posted

      Hi Philip I presume you thought about this before you made any decisions.  The reasons why you left are still valid you know and they still exist.  Sometimes we have to make decisions without knowing all the facts and that is very hard.  Sometimes we know we have made a mistake,  but like I said before you can't go back in time and change it now.  It would be great it we could wouldn't it? 

      Your negative thoughts are having too much of a hold on you and you need to be able to move on.  If the depression is stopping you then you need to take steps to try and sort that out.    Did you know the more we negative think the more we negative think?   You have to find a way to break the cycle.   If you interrupt these thoughts enough then they will eventually be under your control.   When you start thinking like this get up and do something.   It is hard to do but does get easier over time.  It will take time though but you have nothing to lose do you? 

      You are jumping the gun a bit - 'no money no happiness'.   Who says so? I have very little money but am happier than I have been for a while.  If money is a real problem there is nothing to stop you looking for another job is there?   Why not concentrate your thoughts and energy on that instead rather than use them all up on negatives?   You are currently wasting your energy and strength fighting battles you don't need to.  

      If you can become happier in yourself then your relationships will be better too.   Take steps to make this a reality.   Hugs  Bev xx 

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