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I was sexually assaulted several times in the vicinity of a mirror. As a result, seeing myself looking the way that girl - past me - looked is a trigger. I am radically changing my appearance, but I feel bad about it. I should be ok with me the way I am - and I am ok with me, it's past me that I hate. I have dyed my hair and gotten an extra piercing. Whenever my roots start to show, my reflection starts to trigger me again. It has gotten better; I think just having some rest from it has been good for me.
But I feel guilty for not loving the me that I naturally am. It's weird - I don't know why I should feel guilty about that. Like I violated some crucial Care Bears code or something fundamental that we all learned as children. I do like the piercing - it's one I always wanted.
But I feel guilty for needing it.
How would you feel?
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